Chapter 5: AN UNFORTUNATE ENCOUNTER

Noah enjoys the wind as it pushes him back. He holds on tighter, and thinks for a second that something brushed against his knuckles. The euphoria makes him smile. Rune's driving is very smooth, and Noah sways with him while they trace curves. Soon, they reach the outskirts of the city, and the buildings give way to trees. The different shades of green blur together, and Noah concentrates in complementing Rune's movements.

He laughs in the intimacy of the helmet and the raging wind. He's flying. The powerful roar of the bike is a promise to take them home. He'll worry about other things later. The tingles in his stomach spread to his heart. When Rune accelerates, Noah cheers for him. He wants him to go faster. And faster. Rune seems to understand his longing, or maybe they long for the same thing. Noah imagines just two souls searching for life, their needs reduced to the primal instinct to survive danger. This little truce works for Noah.

Rune decelerates when they enter a town. Noah doesn't recognize it, so he wonders what they are doing there. Is it somehow related to Sam? They park outside the police station, and Noah has a bad feeling about this. Everything comes rushing to him, mixing his euphoria with a weird void that unsettles him. He wants to run away. His legs tremble as he approaches Duncan and Eve.

Duncan is furiously pacing back and forth, while Eve is on the phone. It doesn't look good. Duncan lifts his gaze to Noah and Rune, barely acknowledging their arrival before continuing his tantrum. It's Eve who narrows her eyes when he takes off the helmet. She scans his outfit, and Noah feels self-conscious.

"It's different...", she says slowly, taking him in and deciding if it's good or bad, "I like it."

Noah offers her a side smile and a thumbs up.

"This bastard...", Duncan mutters under his breath, "I don't believe him. He must know something."

"Maybe he's saying the truth", Eve responds looking up from her phone, "I think he's as tired of this shit as we are."

"Are you saying they haven't been in contact? That's impossible."

"Who would want to stay in contact with a murderer?"

At this words, Noah's head snaps in Eve's direction. Petrifying fear recoils deep inside him, and for a second he's sure everyone might recognize the real Noah inside Riley if they just look at his face. His face must tell. Because his expression must be showing the turmoil that he feels inside.

"It's his father, anyways. They're supposed to love their children.", responds Duncan with a matter-of-fact tone that pierces Noah's heart.

He cannot hide the flinch at hearing those words. But he tries. He can, at least, try.

A middle-aged man in civilian clothes steps outside. And Noah recognizes himself in that face. And that face wakes memories in him. Noah doesn't remember when he last saw him, but he looks older.

His hair is whiter, and the eyeballs are dark against a pale skin. He looks slimmer, his face more hollow, with deep lines embedded after years of suffering. The look he gives Duncan is that of a tired elder. The sight of his father breaks Noah's already crumbling heart.

Noah's lips tremble, and he has a thousand words to say to him. But all of them get stuck at the base of his throat. Instead, a gasp scapes his mouth. But it still hides all the words.

Bob, his father, looks at Noah. Never has so little distance felt like a thousand miles. A distance that cannot be crossed in a lifetime, but that is agonizingly close. It makes Noah want to reach with his hand, see if the invisible wall between them can be bent. His father furrows his brows, and they exchange exchange glances for a brief period, but his father doesn't recognize him. Noah should feel relieved. But he just wants to tell him the truth. He wants his father to tell him everything is okay.

"Look, Duncan, I'm sorry to have met you in these horrible circumstances. I'm sorry about what my son did. And if I could do something, I would've. Not just for your sake, but for the sake of my son. But we haven't spoken in three years. Please—"

"Bullshit", Duncan exclaims. His voice trembles with anger.

"Please, understand", Bob continues, "If I could talk to my son, I would tell him to turn himself in. If he did it, he must pay for it."

"Excuse me", Noah interrupts with strangled voice, "Where is the bathroom?"

Bob looks at him again, and gives him the directions. Noah bolts toward the inside of the station, but he still hears it.

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"If it corresponds to me to pay for my son's wrongdoings, I will gladly do so. I already am. But I accept this", he signals at the station, "as punishment for my failure in raising my child."

Tears stream down Noah's cheeks when he reaches the bathroom. He locks himself in one of the stalls, and he prays to just disappear. He has stolen a body for the selfish purpose of denying his deserved ending. While his father accepted a punishment that is not his to bear, his son is enjoying bike rides. Guilt crushes his chest. He starts panting.

"I'm sorry", he whispers to the empty walls.

Thoughts rush to him, and he just wants them to stop. Just a second.

By sheer force of will, he slows his breathing. He keeps inhaling through the pain. He dries his tears with the sleeves of the sweater. On the sink, he washes his face with cold water. Noah's eyes still look puffy, they feel swollen.

And as sudden as the tears appear, the void takes hold of him. He's thankful for it, as it takes his pain away. He feels disgusted at himself, and quickly turns away from his reflection. He doesn't want to see the mess he is right now, he won't be able to bear it. So carefully avoiding seeing himself in the reflective surfaces, he paces back to the group. In his way back, he crosses paths with Bob.

Bob salutes him with a nod, and he reciprocates the gesture.

Just before going out, Noah casts a glance towards Bob direction. He is settling in a desk cluttered with papers.

Outside, Eve shoots a questioning look in Noah's direction. He shrugs. Duncan has stopped walking, although anger still radiates from him. Noah hesitates, tempted to put a consoling hand in his shoulder. However, Noah's not in a good mood either, so it might worsen both of them. Besides, it feels wrong. Duncan would probably murder him if he knew his real identity. And Eve would help. And possibly Rune too. He must remember, these are Riley's friends, not his.

He doesn't belong.

Noah feels anger set in his heart, filling the void with rage. It substitutes sadness. Noah gloats in the violence of his mind. This is more familiar to him. It's a hatred that comforts him.

"Do you have a cig?", he asks Duncan. He doesn't care if he interrupts the self-pitying, he wants to interrupt it.

Tense silence settles in the group. Duncan and Noah stare at each other. In Noah's eyes, there's a challenge. It's Eve that gives him a lit one, and the moment is broken. He thanks her with a nod, and takes a drag on his cigarette. The smoke burns his throat, and his eyes are bright with danger.

An urge sets in his mind.

When he finishes smoking, he goes to wait next to the bike. Rune's gaze follows him, so he returns the look. He lifts his chin before he puts on the helmet.

The ride home doesn't feel as good. But there's a determination in Noah's mind. A desire that consumes his soul. Slowly, the road is swallowed by shadows, and the only light comes from Rune's bike. The halos of light don't reach further, they seem a flicker of a flame in a room of darkness.

For a moment, he realizes he has the choice to disappear. With a surprising clarity of mind, he knows he holds the power over his life. He could let go of Rune, and the force of acceleration would drag him out and under. At this speed, the asphalt would probably burn and rip his skin. And the thought of it comforts him. He smiles under the helmet, and clenches his fists in Rune's bomber jacket.

At his apartment, he grabs a quick bite. Rose arrives some time later with wine, and they share food and drinks. Her olive skin glows with the leftover of a sheet mask. She proposes to watch a movie. Noah refuses, saying he prefers to go for a walk alone.

Rose accepts him unconditionally. Even the parts of Noah that don't resemble Riley. And Noah is thankful for it.

He wears the same outfit when he goes out later at night. The street is empty. He starts walking, a destination in mind. He stops on a 24h shop, and buys a bottle of vodka. It's cheaper than the drinks at the club, so he can get fucked up and save money. The cheap brand tastes like cologne, but the taste is to Noah's liking. The chemical aftertaste delights him.

When he arrives to the alley, he feels light. His eyes are a little blurry and his balance is messed up. He opens the metallic door, and the smell of sweaty humanity invades his nostrils. The neon signs catch his drunken eyes. They're so bright and marvelous. He smiles at the sight, excitement building in his stomach at the prospect of danger.

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