In the middle of the dance floor, Noah sways with the crowd. Hands above his head, he rocks his hips side to side. With eyes closed, he feels like he's flying, as if he's traveling in Rune's bike. The euphoria that builds in his stomach makes him smile. He can be nameless here. Another face in a sea full of them. Two arms in an army of them. Nothing matters now.
He lets himself get pushed by the bodies that surround him and, at some point, someone spills a drink in him. He drunkenly laughs and dismisses the quick apology. He keeps dancing, the room spinning, the blinking lights adding to the numbing effect of the alcohol. His hair is sticking to his forehead in sweaty locks. He's hot. Noah takes off the stained sweater, leaving only the thin layer of a t-shirt.
A few taps in his shoulder wake Noah up from his stupor dance. He looks at the source of the touch, and he remembers it's the guy that stained the sweater. The guy signals the crumpled sweater in Noah's hand, and offers an apologetic gesture. Noah smiles at him. The guy leans and shouts "I'm sorry" in Noah's ears. He barely registers the words in the loud background of the music.
"Sorry, someone pushed me."
Noah nods again, smiling.
"Can the sweater be washed?"
With a mocking laugh, Noah shouts back, "You should pay the dry-cleaning service."
He doesn't really mean it, but the guy nods. He places a hand on Noah's shoulders.
"Where do you live?", the guy asks.
His dark hair is fixed with gel. His dressing shirt is wrinkled, with the ends tucked in jeans.
"Around downtown", Noah replies, still dancing.
The guy is dancing too. He offers Noah his drink. Noah hesitates, he looks at the man's smiling face, then at the drink. Finally, he takes a sip, and he's surprised at the taste. He exaggerates a nod.
"It's good."
"I'll invite you to one."
The prospect of free alcohol tempts Noah, and he accepts. The guy takes Noah's hand and guides him to the bar.
Noah knows. He just does. What's about to happen. What this person wants. Still, he lets the stranger take him away.
When they order the drink, the stranger asks his name. He almost slips his real name, but catches himself in time, and offers the name of his stolen body. The guy smiles and introduces himself.
Kent.
"My friends are there", Kent says signaling a booth in the corner, "do you want to come?"
Noah nods.
Noah knows.
But he still goes with Kent, the gifted drink in Noah's hand. Because Noah doesn't care.
At the table, Noah ends up sitting between Kent and a guy named Carlos. Kent puts his arm over Noah's shoulder, and the photo comes to Noah's mind. Sam's arm wrapping around Rune.
The rounds of alcohol keep coming, and Noah keeps drinking. He laughs at their jokes, and soon enough Kent is caressing his bare arm. Noah looks at it, but he doesn't see his own arm, he doesn't even feel the brushing of skin against skin.
Noah isn't smiling anymore.
"You're skin is so soft", Kent says, his lips brushing against his ear.
Something feels awfully familiar. But the memory slips on Noah's inebriated mind. Yet the sensation lingers, like tar sliding down Noah's body, the sticky sensation turning his stomach.
Noah doesn't care.
Noah cannot move.
And then a wave of fear hits him with the force of an explosion. And he looks at the dancing crowd, he tries to make eye contact with anyone.
He silently asks for help. He pleads that somebody will notice.
Kent's hand slides up under his shirt, and Noah clenches his stomach at the cold touch. But he stays still, holding his breath, looking at the crowd. A woman finally looks at him. She, then, looks at the group, and her gaze travels over the empty glasses that clutter the table, and Noah sprawled in the book, sandwiched between Kent and Carlos. Does she understand? Noah wills himself to talk, but the words don't come out. She looks away.
And she's gone.
"Do you want to go somewhere more quiet?", Kent asks.
Noah doesn't respond, so they take his silence as an agreement.
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Carlos holds him up, Noah's arm in Carlo's neck, and Carlo's arm wrapped in his waist.
Noah knows.
Outside the alley, they reach an old midnight blue sedan.
"Careful", Kent says as the unload Noah in the back seat.
He's too tired. His head feels heavy, while the rest of the body feels as weightless. This doesn't feel like Rune's bike.
Carlos and Kent sit in the back, Noah in the middle.
He's tired.
He closes his eyes, just for a moment. A nap will make him feel better.
The car starts moving, and the movement soothes Noah further into sleep... But a sudden break launches him forward. He opens his eyes, and sees Duncan's face inches from his. At first, he thinks he's dreaming. But he's yanked out of the car by a steel grip that will surely leave marks in his upper arms.
"Riley", Duncan says. And Noah realizes he's real.
"I'm sorry", Noah says, his voice far and raspy, merely a whisper.
Duncan doesn't respond, but his grip softens, and he guides Noah to the Tesla. Without a word, he helps a drunk Noah get in the passenger sit. He doesn't start the car. Instead, he turns to face Noah.
Noah's cheeks are burning with shame. He just wants to disappear.
"You know, if you have problems, you can talk to me."
Noah know that's not true. But he doesn't say it.
"How did you know I was here?", he asked with a weak voice.
"Rune told us you were attacked earlier today." He shifts in the driver's seat, it seems he's woken after a long nap. "When I arrived at your apartment, Rose told me you had been gone a few hours."
Noah looks at Duncan. His expression is unreadable, but the soft tone in his usually aggressive voice and the slow, deliberate movements help Noah understand what he might be thinking. As if Duncan is trying to approach a scared kitten.
Noah hates himself for that. But he is relieved that Duncan isn't mentioning the most obvious situation. Noah is sure there are dozens of questions that Duncan wants to ask, but he's visibly refraining himself from doing so, carefully treading around the main issue.
"I thought you'd be in a bad mood, and figured you'd be starting fights with Sam", he says with a wince. Noah has never seen Duncan so insecure about his words, not even when facing Sam.
"How did Rune know?"
"He's very observant."
"I thought he hated me", Noah says.
"Rune can be a little bitch, and you have been a bit of an asshole to him sometimes. But he knows you're our people. We always take care of our people."
"Tell him I'm sorry", Noah says with slurry words. He's slipping again into unconsciousness, but this time he feels the warmth of the car.
And the word comes to him, as it did the first time he saw him leaning in the bathroom door. Safe. For a moment, he imagines living as Riley not as a temporary situation. He dares imagine himself part of Duncan's crew.
"No problem, man." Duncan starts the car. "You've lived a lot in this few days."
Noah hears the words that Duncan keeps hanging in the air: "you've also changed". Left unsaid, as many things this night.
"If you face Sam, tell us, please. We don't want to lose you a second time."
But Noah half-heartedly heard it, as his mind is shutting down.
That night, he dreams he's searching something that he lost. He doesn't remember what it is. It's important. He reaches his hand, and it's really close. So close. But as his hand closes into a fist, there is nothing there. Every time he reaches further, and further. But it slips at the tip of his fingers. Noah desperately trashes, throwing his hands, extending his fingers. It's almost there.
Someone holds his hand. And Noah shouts, "Don't leave me. I promise I won't leave you." And he holds tight, hoping his promise is enough. It's not. And their hold is broken, their fingertips brush.
It's cold without them.
He's scared of the darkness that surrounds him.
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