Chapter 16: Fifteen

“It’s actually my fault?!!” 

Feeling light-headed all of a sudden, Saintess Rasputina collapsed on the cobblestone street outside the palace, not caring that her pure white gown was getting dirty from mud caked on the sidewalk. 

“So, big sister, you are the culprit behind the stolen Crown Jewels…” Maria mumbled while shaking her head in disbelief. 

“I-It’s not just me, alright?” Rasputina muttered. “T-Theo also had a role in the heist…”

“That’s not the point,” she said while pulling the sobbing Saintess to her feet. “Well, the damage has already been done. Big sister, you must work hard to cure Her Highness and get the reward! You can do it!” 

“M-me…?” Rasputina let out a defeated sigh and made a fist pump gesture. “My sweet sweet ten thousand gold doubloons, wait for me! I’ll definitely get my hands on you soon!!” 

The sole passer-by on the street, a young lamplighter who was refilling the oil in the burning street lamps, turned his head to glare at them. “Hey, you two ladies over there! Hurry along home now, stop disturbing the residents here!” 

“Right away, young lad!” Rasputina yelled back and huffed while she tried to dust away the mud sticking to her dress. “I hope Theo is still waiting for us, or else we are in a pickle…” 

Maria didn’t answer her; she was looking at her chest with a weird stare. 

“Hmm? What’s wrong all of a sudden?” 

“I was just wondering, since when did big sister Xavier put on fake breast pads…” 

“Fake what?” Rasputina glanced down at her chest too and noticed the same thing too. “Wait a minute, since when did my breasts grow to this size…?” 

“Eh?” Maria blinked. “They aren’t fake?”

She cupped them in her hands and gave them a squeeze. “H-hold on, I can feel the pressure on them? Huh?” 

Wanting to confirm her suspicion, she slid her hands under her top and felt around her bosom. Then, she gasped and grabbed the hem of her gown, pulling it upwards to peek underneath the fabric. 

“Eek!” Maria yelped and covered her eyes hastily. “Big sister Xavier, what are you d-doing?” 

“N-no, I have to check if it’s there—” Her eyes widened to ten times their size and her jaw absolutely dropped. “—AYO, WHERE DID MY DICK GO?!”

“Can you two stop…” The lamplighter caught a glimpse of something he wasn’t expecting to see and coughed awkwardly. “S-sorry, I didn’t know you ladies are into exhibitionism, I shall be on my way…” 

“Fuck!!!” Rasputina ignored the poor lamplighter completely as she undressed in a hurry and checked her reflection in a nearby storefront window. “W-who is this drop-dead gorgeous girl looking at me? Why is she mimicking my actions to a tee?! Maria, HELP ME—!” 

“Big sister Xavier, stop embarrassing yourself in public!” Maria cried, pulling her gown back up to cover her exposed parts. “L-let’s go back and ask Theo for help!” 

 

---

 

“And how am I supposed to help Xavier, may I ask?” Theo hissed at poor Maria over the rattle of the cart wheels. “Even the damn Archbishop of the Church won’t be able to change her back to a man, I wager.” 

“S-so, is big brother Xavier really going to stay as big sister Rasputina from now on?” Maria asked wide-eyed. “I don’t know how to feel about that…” 

“That should be my line.” Rasputina let out an exasperated sigh as she stared at the clumps of blonde hair in her hand. “It’s true, not only did my eyes permanently change their colour to that of my contact lenses, my wig has also somehow replaced my real hair…what in the world is going on?” 

Theo remained silent as he drove the carriage through the bleak fog that descended over the capital after dark. Maria could also offer no convincing explanation to satisfy Rasputina, and she simply said a quiet farewell to them after Theo had dropped her off near her home. 

“Big sister, will you really be alright tomorrow morning?” she asked in a worried voice. “You have to go back to the palace like this…” 

Rasputina managed a smile somewhat. “Don’t worry, little miss, I’m still a conman at heart. And no conman will give up before they obtain what they set out to obtain in the first place.” 

Maria merely smiled at her words, then bowed slightly before running up the steps to one of the shabby slum houses along the unlit dirt road. 

“Poor child,” Rasputina murmured under her breath. “Someone of her calibre shouldn’t be living in this sort of dump, don’t you agree?” 

Theo shrugged and started the cart again. “Once you leave and stay in the palace, I’ll tell Maria to live with me in the inn.” 

“So you upgraded from forger to paedophile, huh…” 

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“...” 

“Relax, it’s a joke, a joke.” 

Sighing, Theo turned his head to look at her. “I bet you already guessed the possible cause behind your transformation, right?” 

Rasputina glanced away and slowly nodded her head. “It’s just a matter of elimination, if I’m honest. Something unexplainable must have happened when I kissed Princess Anastasia, and at the cost of her waking up from her coma, I transformed into an actual Saintess.” 

“I also thought along the same lines,” Theo said quietly. “After hearing your recount, I highly suspect Her Highness was suffering from a disease that isn’t of this world. Perhaps she should have already died during the ceremony, but some supernatural force was keeping her body in some kind of limbo between life and death.” 

“I remember her lips were cold as ice,” she said and felt a shiver run down her spine. “I honestly thought I was kissing a corpse at that moment.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “I’m actually impressed you have the audacity to kiss Her Highness without her consent, you know.” 

“I-It was out of n-n-necessity…” she muttered. “Anyways, she woke up right after the kiss, so I might have resurrected her body back from the limbo accidentally.” 

“But something went wrong with her resurrection, and instead, another soul occupied Her Highness’ body,” Theo concluded. “So, the only way to truly cure the princess is to retrieve her soul still stuck in limbo.” 

“Argh, this is making my head spin!” Rasputina pulled her hair out in frustration. “How the fuck am I supposed to do that?” 

Theo gave a heartless look that said ‘you’re on your own now’.

“Please, man, give this damsel in distress some suggestions,” she begged pitifully. “I’m going to get beheaded if I don’t find a cure soon! What use will ten thousand doubloons have when I’m dead?” 

“...” He sighed and paused for a moment to think. “Why don’t you start from Her Highness herself? Since she has just been resurrected, she should still remember what happened to her before entering Princess Anastasia’s body…” 

 

---

 

By the time they arrived at the inn, Granny had already retired for the night. Theo drove the cart to the stable and parked it there, not forgetting to toss some hay in for the horse to eat before locking the door. 

“Hey,” Rasputina said quietly while holding the lamp for him. “Can I ask you something, Theo?” 

“Hmm?” He threw her a questioning glance. “What is it?” 

She hesitated and looked down at the ground. “I-If you suddenly became a girl, what is the first thing you would do?” 

“...” Theo furrowed his brows, then closed his eyes for a long moment before opening them and smiling at her. “I would probably want to know what it’s like to be on the receiving end.” 

“Why did I already expect such an answer to come out from your stinky mouth?” Rasputina smirked. 

“So?” He climbed up the stairs to the second floor and glanced back at her. “What’s the point of your question?” 

“Well, I was just thinking that poor Theo is still maidenless despite being of the right age,” she commented and flashed him an innocent smile. “As your bratukha, I do worry about you, you know?” 

He pointed at her accusingly. “Aren’t you also a virgin?” 

“Well, yes, so this is exactly why I’m proposing something that’ll be of mutual benefit to the both of us.” She climbed up the steps and stood in front of him. “Why not we…” 

“Sorry, but I’m not interested in other men.”

“I’m a maiden now, you know? And not just any maiden, I’m the Saintess~” She squeezed her ample boobs together and batted her long eyelashes bashfully to emphasise her point.

“Maiden or not, I see you as my bratukha,” he said firmly without hesitation. “I’ll pass, thank you.” 

“Your loss, then.” She shrugged and went on ahead to open the door to the master bedroom. “I can’t wait to take a shower after this shithole of a day—w-wait a minute, we got a problem.”

Theo raised his eyebrow. “What now?” 

“U-um…” Rasputina turned around to look at him with an embarrassed smile. “H-h-how am I supposed to take a shower like this…?”

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