Chapter 9: 9: Who I Am

The house was quiet for the next few days, because my short explanation left mom with a lot to think about, and a longer discussion for when dad got back. I told her I was trans and that I lived a life in another world, but that I was brought here into this life because it was the one I was supposed to live in the first place. I didn’t tell her that the Goddess wanted me to help save the world, that could wait until dad got back. 

Eventually, that day came, and mom grabbed dad as soon as he got home, told him that I needed to tell them something, and for him to be quiet until the end (as he so likes to interject into conversations often with jokes or questions or comments). We sat down at the dinner table, but not for an evening meal. I didn’t have much of an appetite anyway.

“Ok. I’m pretty terrible at explaining things, but I’ll do my best. Before I was born into this world, I lived another life. One where I was born into the body that I didn’t belong in. Everyone thought I was a boy. Even me, for a long time. But I was wrong. They were wrong. Inside I was me. Aria, the girl you see now, your daughter. But I was kidnapped from this life by the God of demons, a trickster, and sent to Earth, the world I was born in. Do you know it? I know otherworlders from Earth seem quite common here.”

They nodded.

“One day when I was 19, a while after I realized who I was, just as I had almost begun to transition and live my life as the woman that I am, I died. An accident. When I woke up, I met the Goddess of humanity, who told me about the God of demons and what he did to me and some others like me. She told me about my true life here, the world I had dreamed about in my old life, and that I could live it like I was always meant to. But it wasn’t that easy. By the time I’m an adult, a great catastrophe will envelop this world, and I’m meant to help save it.”

I paused for a long moment, sighed deeply, and finished. “I know this probably seems like a lot, but just know that nothing about me is a lie. The girl that you’ve raised, that’s me. My old memories? Just experiences to draw from, and a whole lot of regrets and wishes that I want to redeem here. I honestly can’t even see myself as a young woman anymore. I’m just a 3 year old with a wide vocabulary now.”

Mom looked a bit sad seeing my face, likely because she too knew what it was like to live regretting lost moments in time. I think a lot of trans people do. Too many. Dad eventually spoke up first, coming around the table and giving me a big hug. “Oh kiddo! Whether you lived another life or were any other queer kid, we’d always support and love you. You’re our little song after all. Whatever threats come to pass, we’ll do our best as parents to make sure you’re strong enough to get past them.” He separated me from his grip and looked me in the face, closely. “But that also means that now alongside you growing up as a kid, you’ll have to work hard to become stronger here, here, and here.” He pointed to my head, my arms, and my heart. “Is that alright?”

“Of course it is!”

“Ok. Well your mom and I will have to start teaching you what we know about magecraft and swordsmanship. We can begin with lessons on magic soon, but you’re still too young to properly wield a weapon. Depending on how big you are by your 5th birthday, I’ll begin training you. Then eventually when you turn 8, you’ll go off to school like your mom and I were originally planning. Although we were planning on sending you to a general school, it seems we’ll be sending you to an academy that focuses on teaching young people who wish to become adventurers. Your mom and I will discuss it some more, but…” He looks to mom, who nods at him. “We think we’ll send you to the same school we went to. The place we met.”

“That… sounds amazing! I’d love to learn magic and swordsmanship from you guys!” I cut out the part where I was internally squealing from how cool it’s going to be to go to AN ADVENTURING ACADEMY! That’s straight out of fantasy! I know this whole world is straight out of fantasy but UGH! So freaking cool! I wonder what kind of people I’d meet at the same place dad and mom, and probably their old party, met. I couldn’t remember much from my dreams about this life anymore, now that it’s been years and they weren’t clear in the first place, but the thought of who I’d meet left a warm feeling in my chest, like I was thinking about old friends.

***

As I laid in bed that night, I thought about how lucky I was that life was going so smoothly thus far. I have my body, a good family, a plan for the future, and now I don’t even have any secrets weighing me down. The coming times would likely be harder than anything I had faced thus far, but I’d get through it head on. 

Eventually, the drowsiness took over, and for a moment, there was blackness, until I was laying on a hill of grass. I got up slowly, and was met with a familiar sight. Not of the countryside I knew in this life, but in the familiar town of my old one. There were no people here, no cars, no nothing. It was like I was the only one alive here, staring at the memory of the place I grew up in. On the very same hill that I often sat at whenever I wanted to get away from home. 

“That’s why I chose it, actually. You didn’t have many physical attachments in your old world, but I know you’ve dreamed about this place more than once in this one.” The voice was familiar, the same woman I met before I was born in this world, coming from right behind me. She walked up next to me and sat down herself, her hair a long, pure white that matched a long, flowing dress that made her seem almost like she could blend into snow.

“It’s you! The Goddess!”

“You know, ‘Goddess’ sounds like a weird title when you’re having a face to face conversation with someone, perhaps you could call me the same name many humans call me?”

“Lady Hito?”

“Just Hito is fine. I know I’m a Goddess and all, but all of you are like my kids, it’s weird for you to call me something like ‘Lady.’”

“You seem… oddly focused on what people call you.”

“I’ve had lots of conversations with humans over the span of my existence, it’s only natural to speak on equal ground I think.”

“That’s fair, it can be a little shitty when people force you to treat them like they’re above you. Although you are above us humans… technically, since you created us.”

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“While true, we should probably get back on track. I brought you here to talk about how you’re doing in this life. I know you just told your parents about who you are and all.”

“How am I doing? I’d say that this life is everything I’ve ever wanted. Needed. I have some lingering regrets from my old one, and it sucks to have to wait to become bigger when my future is a ticking clock, but I can’t complain too much. The cards I’ve been dealt in this life give me a much better time than my old one.” I pause for a moment, unsure of whether to say the next part, but decide she probably knows anyway and just wants me to say it out loud. “I also think it kinda sucks I have to wait for puberty before I really have the kind of body that feels just right. But I wouldn’t want to rush that either.”

“I suppose that makes sense, I know how much of a burden waiting can be sometimes. I know as someone who’s lived an eternity better than most. I won’t speed up your physical growth, but I think it would be beneficial for all of us if I speed up your magical growth.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m going to increase your mana development to be around the same level as a 15 year old, which will give you much more potential to increase your mana through practice and allow you to grow that much faster. Does that sound good to you?”

“That sounds amazing! And this won’t have any effects on me physically?”

“Other than the fact that your mana pool won’t develop with age normally until you’re 15, but the amount it will increase will be substantial enough that you shouldn’t have to worry about it as long as you keep training to increase it alongside your growth.”

“Already planning to!”

“Very good Aria. I’m very proud of your progress thus far, and I’m sure you’ll become a fine young woman in no time at all.”

“Thank you, Hito. Does that promise you made me before still stand? That I can call on you anytime I need assistance?”

“Of course, not that you’ve needed me much as it is. Is there anything else you want to mention before I let you go back to sleep?”

“My mom. I’m not exactly sure how time works for me since I was born on Earth first, but I had dreams of this life in my old one and my mom is trans too. That can’t be a coincidence, can it?”

“Honestly the fact your mother is transgender is likely the reason the God of demons decided to target you specifically and put you into a boy’s body. The fact that you had dreams though, that’s a different matter entirely. I'm not even sure what could be the cause of it. I think the only explanation is that you were dreaming of a separate timeline, one where you weren’t dragged away. When a god meddles in the affairs of people, odd things can happen. Strictly speaking, the fact that people exist at all in this world was a massive shift in the timeline of the world. Originally the gods were the only beings that existed here. Our powers shift the nature of spacetime itself.”

“That’s… a lot to think about. But then how can I remember some of that original timeline? Why can’t other humans dream of the original timeline of this world?”

“The only thing I can imagine is that it’s because they didn’t exist in that original timeline. No people did. But because you existed here in one timeline, and on Earth in another, you could somewhat experience both of those timelines at once.” 

“I think I get it? A little. It’s confusing, to say the very least. But I think that’s all I really wanted to talk about.”

“Alright. Sweet dreams, Aria.”

The hill disappeared from my view, and right before the moment I lost conscious thought, I imagined what the other Aria was like, without my memories. What kind of girl was she, without all my burdens?

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