Chapter 1: Teenager Transgender Life.

Hello !!! My name is Liera, I am a trans girl. I'm 14 year old.

This is actually the first time I've written about me.

 I have no expectations especially when it comes to writing about my feelings and my life. But I thought it might help me deal with some of my thoughts, you know? I mean what am I going to do? Talking about my feelings, thoughts, decompressing etc.

 Apparently, it is better that I take a common cisgender girl's name to be less rejected as a transgender woman already than I am rejected and betrayed without even having made a transition.. So I know I'm probably talking alone hahaha.

I decided to write this when I have anxiety attacks or have dark, intrusive thoughts.

 It's also a bit of a summary of important moment in my days, but not everything otherwise I'm going to regret, I already regret ahaha.

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Every time I'm in front of a mirror, I feel disconnected, disgusted with this body, I can't tell myself it's mine, I don't want to, it makes me uncomfortable, I hate it.

I know it's my body and it can't change when I can't identify myself in it, I can't find myself, it's not the real me, I see a boy in the mirror but I feel like a girl...

It makes me suffer, I want to cry as soon as they call me a boy, I mutilate myself, I have already attempted suicide, I feel empty and sad at the same time. 

I drink alcohol and smoke drugs to feel better but it's getting worse... but I don't know what else to do..

You are reading story Transgender Life. at novel35.com

It's really hard to explain it's not only that but it's the best I can say.

I don't understand people. 

They tell me that I don't have the right to dress "like a girl" when I am one, they say that "girls" can dress as they want. But the "boys" must remain in "boys" I don't understand... I am a girl, just transgender.

Really but not in the eyes of others, I got to know myself during this year. I know what I am, a girl.

Just others consider me a "crossdresser" or a "shemale" or just "a boy with a mental disorder."

I love my parents, but they hurt me they brought me to my home country to force me to do rituals and it traumatized me, they threaten me with suicide if I keep talking about the fact that I'm a transgender girl, I cried every day but suddenly, I just became empty, I couldn't cry anymore, I fake smiles, I can't get anywhere.

I don't understand... my family, my friends, my loved ones I can't take it anymore bahaha it's hard to write while crying it's as if I had to try to accept them instead of the other way around? 

I can't believe that while I'm left to die in my own skin they're telling me it's just a phase it's like someone is sticking a fucking knife in my heart I'm sick of it.

 SERIOUSLY THIS IS SO HARD I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO BE A CIS WOMAN shit, I want to be normal like everyone else...

On the internet and at school I get bullied because I'm transgender, I got used to it now after all, I'm transgender. 

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