Chapter 2: Coming-out.

Today is a special day, I plan to do my first coming out by message because I wouldn't have the strength to say it in person face to face.

Alice accepted me and supported me as I am!! She even used my real pronouns and even called me “good girl”!! it really made me super happy and even introduced me to her boyfriend as a girl, it made me so happy..

I decided to tell my best friend over the phone. She will surely accept me too.

But she didn't react very well.

It hurts me so much, I was on a call with my best friend only to get her to come out with big disgusting transphobic words saying that I shouldn't pass myself off as a girl that I was abusing that I was disgusting and full other shit.

I don't even know why I continue to live when my only friends say shit to me like that, it was hurtful and insulting I don't want to be compared to some shit that pretends to be a girl for to attack other girls.

I'm a Girl it's all, maybe transgender but it doesn't matter..

It hurts me, I'm afraid of hurting others so I don't talk much but best friend told me it was just a phase hahaha?

Just because you're not dysphoric doesn't mean what I feel is "just a 14-year-old thing."

Well it really hurt me that day that I cried for hours thinking about what I missed and what I miss if I would have been a cisgender woman...

These last few days, it was mostly anxiety attacks, alcoholism to feel better, crying, suicidal thoughts, scarification, mental fatigue, physical fatigue, loss of feelings… I had to see my psychiatrist to talk about hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital .

Even on the internet, I'm being harassed because I'm a trans girl, but then they start to give up my address and send the firefighters to break my window when my family is already poor enough as it is..

At school, they insult me as mentally ill, as a gay boy when I am a girl, as a demon, they beat me to supposedly put me back on the right path and harass me...

My boy best friend is very transphobic.

He saddens me with his transphobic remarks and when he talks about rape for everything and nothing, I don't like it. It is pitiful, detestable and disgusting. 

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