Chapter 199: Chapter 184 – Beating Oneself over Fears and Stubbornness

"Solace comes to people in different forms and ways. At times… all you need to do is just to learn to embrace it, and let bygones be bygones." - Saying Attributed to the Silver Maiden.

Aideen woke up the next morning - rather late in the day at that, as the sun had risen for a few hours already - with a pounding headache. She had clearly drunk way too much last night, evidenced with how she couldn't even remember much of the previous night, or even how she got in bed.

 

One quick burst of healing magic purged what was left of the alcohol's effect from her, and almost immediately, Aideen wished she had allowed herself to remain muddled instead. One look into her current state was all it took.

 

Underneath the thick, warm fur blanket, she was as naked as the day she was born. The bed was not the small one she had slept on for the past week either, but a larger one, the sort more commonly used for couples.

 

And worst of all, she was not alone one the bed.

 

Sleeping next to her was Regina, the matron who owned the tavern, and she was just as naked as Aideen was. The empty area of the bed to her otherside also still had some residual warmth remaining, as if someone had laid there and only got up a while ago.

 

"Oh, yer up?" said Regina blearily as she yawned loudly. The blanket slid off her shoulders and exposed her sizable breasts in the process. "Gonna need anything fer yer head? I imagine the hangover's a bit of a bitch with how much ye guzzled down last night."

 

"I got that handled," replied Aideen with a friendly smile as she pulsed a mote of healing through the matron's body and washed off any discomfort she might have been feeling that morning. "Wouldn't mind something warm to eat though."

 

"No surprise yer feelin' hungry," said the matron with a girlish giggle as she stepped down from the bed and put on a large frock which covered her from shoulder to knee. "Everyone ought to be after so much exercisin' like that last night~"

 

"Oh god… please tell me I was just so drunk I vomited on both of us last night or something," said Aideen as the possible implications of what happened while she was drunk hit home all the harder. "Did I?" she asked in an all too small voice as she dreaded the answer.

 

A loud, harsh bark of laughter from the belly dashed her wishful thinking, the matron laughing so hard that she had to wipe her tears from laughing too much afterward. "Whatever do ye mean, dear? Last night was some of the bes' damned fuckin' I've had in decades… and likely the same for me girl too! I keep forgetting that yer kind always looks younger than ye are. Ye definitely got your way with dem fingers fer sure!"

 

"Just kill me now," said Aideen as she blushed from the embarrassment. Getting so drunk that she ended up fucking the tavern's matron was definitely not something she had planned to do. Then her addled brain caught on to the implication of what the matron said and more dread settled in her stomach. "Wait… your girl… don't tell me…"

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"Aye, she glowed like I've never seen her done before when she woke up this morning. She ain't ever looked that way even with her husbands," said the matron still with a big, happy grin on her face. "Methinks had she not known that ye gonna be going away in the near future she might've asked ye to take her hand!" she added with another bark of harsh laughter.

 

"Oh god…" said Aideen as she covered her face with one hand. Inwardly she made a resolution to never get so drunk ever again. Even as it was she found it hard to look directly at the matron, so she said the only words she could find. "I'm sorry."

 

"What's there to be sorry about, dear?" said Regina with a kind, motherly smile as she clasped Aideen's back with one meaty arm. "We're all adults here, and just had a good night together. It's not like ye forced yerself on us or something… though we probably wouldn't have minded."

 

"And besides, lass," added the matron. As a long time owner of a tavern she had seen all sorts of people in all sorts of situation, and she had easily pegged Aideen's situation from how she behaved last night when drunk and uninhibited. "Holdin' it in and keeping it all pent up fer so long ain't good fer ye. Ye gotta let loose from time to time."

 

"I can tell that there's more to the story. Nobody sings songs like you did with so much feeling in them lest it's personal," continued the matron. She had seen how Aideen behaved under the influence. She realized all too easily that the unliving woman must have starved for affection for a long time, but had kept it pent up inside her. "How long has it been since you've gotten yourself a good lay, lass?"

 

"Twenty years or so? Thereabouts," replied Aideen honestly to the matron, who had now transitioned to giving her a calming embrace, much like a mother supporting their child with their presence and proximity. "I haven't been with anyone since… since my husband passed away."

 

"Och, that ain't healthy, lassie," lamented the matron with a shake of her head while she embraced Aideen warmly. Her warmth contrasted directly with her cold body, even through their clothes. "Ye can't remain fixated on what's gone and beat yerself up like that. Think of how he'd react if he could see ye now. Would he have been happy at ye beating yerself up over him like that?"

 

That question made Aideen close her mouth just as she was about to retort to the matron. She couldn't help it. Artair had even asked her direcy to find her own happiness after he'd passed. The only reason she had not, was her own stubbornness, and a lingering fear in her heart that she might end up forgetting him should she find that happiness again.

 

What the matron had said, had unknowingly struck right at the heart of the matter. Aideen was beating herself up over it. She could feel that the matron's words were not said just to be kind, and had been quite heartfelt words instead.

 

"No, no he wouldn't," said Aideen as she closed her eyes and quietly shed her tears. "And you're right. I shouldn't be beating myself up like this… over my own fears and stubbornness…"

 

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