Chapter 42: Chapter 41: Hello Me, I’m You

[Chinatsu's POV]

After Lt. Aoki tells us about Akiyama trying to steal Sora's parents’ shares, everyone is completely silent. It stunned me to hear that. I look at Sora because something tells me she isn’t taking this very well, it’s easy for me to see how furious, confused, and hurt she is.

I kneel down in front of her shaking and calling her name several times before she finally responds by nodding to me. Even so, I can tell she isn’t really even seeing me. She is simply reacting to the stimulus.

A few moments later, she suddenly stands up, saying, “Excuse me, I need a moment to gather myself.” I grab her hand and follow her outside into the hall, followed by Honoka. I glance at Honoka’s worried face and she nods at me as if saying, ‘I’ll give you some room.’

Sora walks about 20m to a window and stares out of it. I’m almost panicking because of her expression. She startles me by suddenly turning to me, hugging me tightly while resting her head on my shoulder and trembling. I’ve no idea what is going on with her, but I do know she’s highly upset. Whatever, if she needs me to hold her, I’m happy to do so.

I try to give her some time for whatever this is, but after several minutes of her holding me progressively tighter. I finally decide to ask her what’s going on with her.

“Sora-nee?” I whisper in her ear.

“Don’t, just hold me. I feel like I’m disappearing.”

I can hear the anguish very clearly in her voice. I suppose Lt. Aoki bringing up her parents tore open the wound again. Okay, well, if she simply wants me to hold her, then I’ll gladly do that. When she’s ready to talk to me about this she will. Several more minutes pass with us standing like this, the people passing by look at us with a mixture of curiosity and sympathy.

“Shenazu, ma ed hurz.” She slurs. It takes me a moment to interpret what she means. ‘Chinatsu, my head hurts.’ Moments later she’s like a rag doll in my arms and it’s everything I can do not to let her fall.

I move my arms to hold her better and call her name, “Sora-nee?” When she doesn’t respond, I do it much louder, “Sora-nee?!” She doesn’t respond again and I can’t hold all of her weight anymore, so I scream, “Honoka, help!”

“Kwiet, ur tu woud. Ma ed hurz enuf awedy.” She slurs. Which provides a little relief because she’s at least conscious. That is, until I catch what on to what she means, ‘Quiet, you're too loud. My head hurts enough already.’ Which sends me right back into panic mode.

Honoka arrives and helps me set her down, leaning her up against the wall. I see Dad and Lt. Aoki come out of his office out of the corner of my eye, but I pay scant attention to them as I focus on Sora.

Honoka lifts up both of Sora’s eyelids. A moment later I hear her sudden gasp and she says, “Her left pupil is blown.” Then she yells, “Someone call an ambulance immediately!” Sora groans after Honoka yells, but sits there limply otherwise.

“Honoka, what’s wrong with Sora?” I ask fearfully. Dad and Lt. Aoki arrive as she answers my question.

“I’m not certain, but it appears she’s had a stroke. I don’t see how though, her nanites shouldn’t allow something like that to be possible.”

I hear Lt. Aoki behind me talking on the phone telling them where to come to.

Tears streaming from my eyes, I ask, “What do we do?”

“There’s nothing we can do, other than get her to the hospital and pray I’m wrong.” I then hear her mutter, “I hope to God I’m wrong.” which just makes me even more frightened and panicky than I already am.

[Sora's POV]

“Wake up. Hey, I told you to wake up, we need to have a conversation.”

I open my eyes and look around. I’m in my bedroom? How the hell? I was at the police station.

“Quit ignoring me.”

I look at my desk where the voice is coming from and see a boy sitting in the chair staring at me. He seems vaguely familiar for some reason, but I don’t remember ever meeting him.

As I sit up, I ask him, “Who are you?”

He laughs at my question. “Hmm, well, for right now, let’s just say we know each other rather well. What’s truly important is why I’m here talking to you.”

“How did you get in my room?” There’s no way some strange boy should be able to simply walk through all of the security.

He smiles, “You know, we’re never going to get anywhere if all you do is ask me inane questions.”

I sigh. He’s kind of irritating, isn’t he? “Okay, then why are you here?” I ask grumpily.

“I already told you. We need to talk. Right now, you are unconscious in an ambulance on the way to NTI Medical Center.”

I look at him incredulously and scoff, “Do you think I’m stupid?” I gesture around me. “This is my bedroom and you shouldn’t be here. If my dad catches you, well, let’s just say, it’ll suck to be you.”

“Sora, I need you to stop fighting me in this. Everything I’ve told you is the unvarnished truth. I don’t lie, and even when I try everyone knows, because I can’t lie worth a damn.”

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Wow. I’m amazed that there is another person like me. “I know how you feel, I'm the same way. So I don’t even try to lie anymore. It’s just easier.”

“I know you know how I feel. I know how you feel too. I suppose I should introduce myself.” He stands, extends his hand to me while smiling and says, “Sora, I’m Sora. Hello me, I’m you.”

“What is that you just said about not lying?” I ask him with a raised eyebrow.

“Sora, it’s the simple truth, you need to listen to me. I’m trying to help both of us here.”

“How are you trying to help me? It just sounds to me like you are spouting a bunch of nonsense.”

He sighs and sits back down. “Sora, please stop this, we’re dying. We need to work together to get out of this.”

“There’s that nonsense again. If you knew me, you would know that’s not possible. I have something that stops that from happening, if I get hurt it fixes me.”

“Sora, I’m not talking about physical death. You had a schizophrenic episode at the police station which caused a hemorrhage in our brain. The only thing standing between us and permanent psychosis is me. I’m fighting tooth and nail to keep that from happening to us. If it happens we’ll never recover from it because our demons will haunt us every second of every day for the rest of our long life.”

He pauses for a couple of seconds, then, “I like sitting back on the sidelines watching you take us through our new life. I never much liked being a boy because of the way I was treated. So, when I woke up in the hospital changed, I was actually happy, even though I told myself I wasn’t. I was also afraid too. You see, I’m afraid of just about everything. I’m afraid things will remain the same, but at the same time, I’m afraid they will change.”

He stops, leans forward and looks at me intently for a few moments before he continues, “When Airi offered to fix us and make me the dormant personality, I jumped at the chance. I hated the way I was. I despised myself. You have no idea what it's like to be so anxious and fearful of literally everything. No matter how much it would’ve hurt Chinatsu, Mom and Dad, I probably would have taken my life before too long.”

He looks at me with a strange smile, which I have no idea how to interpret. “You’re the better half of me, I like watching you take us through life happy, unafraid, and willing to take chances. I could never do that. I’ll never be able to do that, but what I can do is help you right now.”

Confused, I ask him, “How can you help me?”

“Sora, you’re running away from reality and if I wasn’t standing in the doorway blocking you from closing it, you would have already done so permanently. Lt. Aoki didn't mean to, but his talking about our parents ripped away that tiny piece of tape hiding the pain of their death away from us. I feel the same anguish, horror and fury you have over their deaths too. To hide from that truth, you’re denying reality. You’re denying that Chinatsu or anyone else could ever love you, and that's so far from the truth it’s ridiculous. You’re willing to throw away everything you gained for us just so you don’t have to feel their deaths. That is something that I’d do. Hell, it’s what I did do, and you see what good it’s done us.”

He closes his eyes and sighs tiredly. He opens his eyes again a few moments later and continues talking to me, “Even I know we can’t run from this. Listen to me. If you manage to close this door despite me, we’ll end up regretting it. We’ll be psychotic because the pain and horror of their deaths will follow us there and continually haunt us along with all of the other horrid things that are locked up inside of me.”

“Again, how can you help me?”

“I can take the pain and horror you feel from their deaths. You’ll still remember it, but it won’t be quite the same thing. It’ll be as if you came to terms with it years ago.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I’m you and you’re me. I want you to be happy, enjoy your life, get married, have a family, see and do lots of things I would never have been able to because of my anxieties and fear. You can do all of this. All you have to do is want to do them. I can continue to sit back, watch you, and take pleasure in you doing something that I never could.”

“So, how are we supposed to do that? How can you take this away from me?”

“That’s the easy part, but before that there’s one small complication I need to explain to you. If we do this, I’ll no longer be dormant and you’ll know you used to be a boy and nothing will be able to change that. It’ll hurt us if they try to do it and I do mean both of us.”

“That’s me having a split personality then and that’s just as bad. How do I know you won’t take over and do bad things with my body?”

He laughs. “No Sora, I’m perfectly content letting you lead your life and having me watch you do so from the sidelines. You have my word, you will never see me unless it’s needed. I don’t want to go back out there and have to deal with life again.”

“Alright. So, what do we do then?”

“Easy, give me a hug. Then go through that door and close it behind you.” He points to the door leaving my room. “You’ll wake up before too long, once our nanites have finished repairing the damage.”

I look at him doubtfully and ask, “A hug? That's all there is to it? What’s going to happen to you then?”

He smiles at me reassuringly. “Yes, just a hug. This is nothing I'm not already prepared for and definitely nothing I'm not used to dealing with. After that, you just walk through that door and close it behind you. I'll still be here with you just like I've always been, kicking back, watching you have fun and enjoy your life.”

He pauses while staring at me intently, then, “So, what do you want to do? Do you want to abandon the people who love you, throw away all the happiness you've gained for us and destroy Chinatsu while you’re doing so?”

“That's not fair bringing up Chinatsu!” I yell at him.

His face turns red as he stands up and shouts, “Who the hell ever said life was fucking fair?! Is it fair for you to destroy the one thing that made this shitty world even remotely tolerable for me?!”

He takes a few deep breaths and then calmly continues, “Or, do you want to accept my offer, let me take the pain of this, and do us both the favor of being happy while enjoying this second chance at a real life we’ve been given?”

He stops looking distracted for a moment, then tells me, “I'm sorry, but you need to answer me now. The nanites have just about repaired the damage. Once they have, I won't be able to circumvent Airi's restriction anymore and it'll be too late.”

I stand up, open my arms, and tell him, “Thank you for helping me, Sora. I promise, I'll do everything I can to make us happy.”

He smiles as he steps over to hug me. As I hug him, a bright, golden light surrounds us forcing me to close my eyes. When I open them, he's gone, but I hear him tell me, “Now, go through the door and live happily for both of us.”

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