Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Whispers filled the seemingly endless school hallway. Words such as ‘whore’, ‘man slut’ and ‘fucking homo’ could be heard occasionally. No attempt was used to hide their disgust and contempt for me. I lowered my head even further, not wanting to face their stares. My pace quickened, wanting to escape from the present situation, yet not wanting to show them my cowardice. It felt like forever had passed since I entered the school, when in fact, it had only been five minutes. Reaching my classroom door, I sighed in relief, but my relief was short-lived as when I tried opening the door, I couldn’t. It was locked.

 

Why is it locked? I panicked and kept tugging and twisting the door handle in hopes that it would open. “Let me in!” I shouted while banging the door. Fear controlled my actions, rousing my instincts to survive, but no matter how much I pushed and pulled the handle, the door remained closed shut. They burst into laughter at my helplessness and mocked me for my struggles. Slowly, they surrounded me, their shadows overlapping mine, consuming it till it disappeared.

 

As they were close enough to touch me…”Ring! Ring! Ring!”

 

I opened my eyes in shock. My quickened breathing slowed down in my realisation that it was just a nightmare. But in truth, it wasn’t. It was something that had happened to me before, and something that was still happening to me now. The nightmare only enhanced my fear and blurred the events that had happened to me at that time. 

 

I turned off my alarm and drowsily got off my bed to prepare for the day. Arriving in the dining room, I sat at the long table situated in the middle of the room. Eating the breakfast placed in front of me by the housekeeper, I boredly played with the video game that I had just installed onto my phone.

 

“Come on Choco! Time for your walk!”

 

On my bike, I held on tightly to Choco’s leash while she ran ahead. The hot summer breeze blew by me, heating me further. Turns out, wearing a hoodie and jeans during summer is the worst decision anyone could have. Who knew? But I was already used to wearing a hoodie and jeans combination. Even if I’ll feel like I'm being boiled alive in these clothes during summer, I wouldn’t pick any different.

 

Choco, a brown Chow Chow. I got her when I was a kid, about seven or eight. She was a gift from my parents, the only gift. They were always too busy for me, so they thought that giving me a puppy would ease my loneliness.

 

In a blink of an eye, another day had passed. Nighttime had arrived and it was time to sleep and wait for the next day to come. I looked at the calendar at my bedside table. Tomorrow is the 31st of August, back to school day. Heh, I sneered, more like back to hell day. I sat on my bed, contemplating again whether or not I should just run away from home to escape the unavoidable suffering that will befall me the next day, but I changed my mind thinking about him.

 

He who was my light in the unending darkness of the abyss. He who had shielded me from the devils and demons roaming in there. He who was my salvation.

 

While I was welling in despair alone at the bottom of the well, unable to get out of that darkness, it was he who had extended his hand and pulled me out of there. My knight in shining armour, my god, my belief. Any suffering was worth being able to see him for another day.

 

After thinking about him, I contently laid down and slept. Just the very thought of him was able to calm down my restlessness and give me peace of mind. How I wished time would speed up so that I could see him faster.

 

___

 

“Ugh, seeing him first thing in the morning really spoils my mood!”

 

“I know right? Why does he even come to school anymore? Isn’t he just asking to be bullied? Maybe the rumours about him being into BDSM were right after all.”

 

“Hey, people can be into BDSM without being homo, okay? But only masochistic guys would enjoy having it in their ass.”

 

A round of laughter ensued at that last comment.

 

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Whispers surrounded me as they did in my nightmare, but this time the words went in one ear and went out the other as I stared secretly at my god, Carlos Deniz. I stalked slowly behind my god, not wanting him to notice my presence. Only when I made sure that he entered his classroom safely did I turn around and begin to backtrack to my classroom.

 

“Hey Lesley, what are you doing here? This is not your classroom. Are you lost?” Someone wrapped their arm around my shoulder and asked in an insincere caring tone. I flinched when I heard the voice of that person. Why is he here? He shouldn’t be in school yet at this time.

 

“I seemed to have noticed you following Carlos for a while now. What? You like him or something?” I flinched once again at the person’s words. How did he know? I’ve made sure to be as secretive as possible every time I send Carlos to his class. Even though nobody bothered to pay attention to me, I still stayed at least five meters away from him every time I’m in his presence.

 

“Oh shit, really? What the fuck.” The person continued without waiting for me to refute. He quickly unwrapped his arm on my shoulder and distanced himself away from me like I’m a plague. Disdain could be clearly seen in his eyes as he looked at me.

 

“Wait, this is actually not so bad. If that little shit Carlos and you little faggot get together…heh.” It was unknown what the person thought, but he placed his arm back around me again, pretending as if nothing had happened just a few seconds ago.

 

I lowered my head further, this time not out of cowardice or shame, but anger at the person for dirtying my god with his words. No, I shouldn’t. Lashing out will only make it worse.

 

“Hey, what do you say? Let’s make a deal. You get together with Carlos and I’ll stop bothering you, yeah?” The person said in a conceited tone. By this time, the hallway had already fully cleared out. The only people left were me and that person, Hendrick. Not even his minions were near.

 

Fueled by anger, I turned around and grabbed his collar, pushing my face up onto his. With gritted teeth, I slowly said word by word, “Shut your filthy mouth and go back to the gutters where you belong. His name is not something you can so frivolously say, and not something you can so freely smear either. You do it one more time, and I’ll fucking kill you.” There was murder in my eyes as I emphasised the last few words.

 

It may have been because this was the first time I’d ever talked back at him in the past two years, or it may have been because this was the first time he had ever experienced my true height that far surpasses his own, but a hint of fear distinctly flashed across Hendrick’s eyes when I threatened him. In that few seconds, I stood tall with killing intent aimed at him, relishing in the fact that I had struck fear in my most hated enemy, but that sense of achievement did not last long.

 

From the initial shock and nervousness from my sudden actions to a burst of uproarious laughter, Hendrick easily pulled my hand off his collar. A fist to my gut was the reward for my courage. I deflated like a balloon in an instant. I knew I was weak. After all, I was thin and had noodle-like arms that couldn’t throw a punch even if I depended on it for my survival, but I figured that it would at least be enough to deal with one guy. If it had been a guy from drama club, then sure, my flimsy arms would be enough to deal with the person. However, the guy in front of me was the star of the basketball club. Even without his goons following him, half of him would be enough to deal with one of me, but I had forgotten this fact in my rage. And now I faced the consequences.

 

Black and bruised, I looked at myself in the mirror. “Hahahaha, pathetic.” I mocked my reflection, spitting out a broken tooth into the sink. My rash actions had brought about the worst beating I’ve ever had in my life. It was usually Hendrick’s followers who beat the living shit out of me while he stood by and watched in satisfaction, and yet five of them could never compete with one Hendrick. That man could really pack a punch.

 

I scrutinized my injuries, pondering on how to cover them up so that I could enter the classroom without being sent to the principal’s office. Whatever, I’ll just skip. Nobody will miss me anyway.

 

Grabbing my bag, I left the school and hopped onto my bike left just outside the school gate. The security guard slept soundly in the booth throughout my getaway, not that it mattered to me whether he was awake or asleep. He had never cared to do his job properly and would only occasionally catch the students sneaking out of the school when his job was at risk. Otherwise, ten dollars was enough to keep his mouth shut. You can do anything in front of him as long as you pay him and it doesn’t put his job at risk. I learnt this the hard way.

 

“Ten bucks is not enough. Twenty bucks, final offer, or I'm ratting you out, kid.”

 

"Help…"

 

"Shut up faggot."

 

I shook my head as the memories of that day surfaced in my mind. I looked at the watch on my left wrist. Eight seventeen, seven more hours till school ends.

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