Why, Can't You Eat?
Chapter 60
As time went by, the memories faded, but the longing seemed to pile up layer by layer.
My thoughts were so tangled up that I couldn’t fall asleep at all. So when I took out and read all the letters my mother and I had exchanged, the sky was already getting brighter outside.
I blew out the burning candle and went into the bathroom.
“…Haa.”
My eyes hurt from crying a little. So I wet my face with cold water and looked in the mirror. Come to think of it, I hadn’t changed back yet. Blinking my eyes a few times, I was transformed into Lily’s face again. Looking at the pale white cheeks, I made up my mind once again.
First, I decided to get the ring back. But I haven’t thought about whether I’ll wear it again or not. In the past, I would have decided to put on the ring as soon as I’d find it, but…
It must have been because I had accepted her, saying, ‘You are me, too,’ when Lilith, who was very angry, meekly returned control to me.
For the first time since becoming a succubus, we faced each other and talked. It wasn’t for a long time, but I didn’t want to force her to sleep when she said she would help me even while knowing that she would disappear again.
However, it all started with the ring being lost in the first place, and as I told Damian, it was also my grandmother’s keepsake, so I decided to find it.
After changing, I stood in front of the mirror and took a long breath.
“You won’t know if you like it or not if you don’t express it clearly.”
“There are some things that can’t be conveyed if you don’t tell them.”
Nothing Grandmother said was wrong. There was still some hesitation, but now it was time to speak out.
Leaving the room, I quickly walked down to the dining room. Even though it was early, Maria was sitting at the table. I put enough food on the plate and sat across from her.
“Hello, Maria. You came down early.”
“Ah, Lily. Good morning. Why did you come so early? And why are you eating so much today? It would be nice to eat well like this every day.”
“…I haven’t eaten much in a while, have I?”
“Yes. I can’t see your body’s outline well because you’re all covered up, but I’ve been worried because your face is so gaunt these days. I got up early because it’s my day off today, so I came quickly. But I’ll eat and go up and sleep.”
When she said that, Maria’s smiling face looked so proud that I smiled too. After sandwiching the cheese and ham between the warm buns and taking a sip of the soup, I said to her:
“I came early because I woke up early too. Actually, I couldn’t go to work yesterday.”
“How are you? You look fine today… You can’t even say you’re not. I’m worried that you’re having a hard time. Oh, and I went to the main palace library the day before yesterday. Lucy also talked about you. She hated to hear that you were suddenly transferred, but she was also worried about how you’re doing. Haven’t you met up with her yet since your transfer?”
“Yeah, I’ll have to go see her on my next day off. Um… Actually, Maria.”
Putting the spoon down, I hesitantly called out to Maria. Maria, who was drinking fruit juice, tilted her head to the side in question.
“What do you think I’m putting up with so much? Am I not good at saying no?”
“Lily, something happened?”
“…Mmh.”
When I answered lightly, Maria frowned slightly. Facing her dark green eyes, I slowly spoke to her.
“I am going to talk about something very important now. But I’ve never been honest with them before. About what I am thinking.”
“You can’t tell me what you’re going to say to them?”
“…Yes, I’m sorry.”
“You too. What are you saying sorry for? I mean, it’s such an important thing. Well. Both Lucy and I spoke to the head maid after hearing your story, but honestly, I often thought that you were drawing a line between people. I knew it when I saw that you kept taking things and couldn’t say anything you didn’t like. What a closed-off kid, I thought.”
“Closed… Closed off?”
“Yes. You find it awkward to be praised, feel burdened when someone takes an interest in you, and change your expression instantly when people you don’t know talk to you.”
Maria pulled her own lips flat with her hands. So, it must mean that I had made such a hard face. It was something I was feeling myself.
“So every time the distance got closer little by little, I was happy. Oh, right. you said that last time. It’s not that you like to work, it’s that you like working time. Remember?”
“Ah, yes.”
“If it was like before, I would have just laughed a little or passed it awkwardly rather than saying that, but every time I see you complaining, it makes me happy.”
“Please don’t be flattered by that…”
“And you were very grateful when I gave you that hair tie. You just smiled. But to those people, you never showed it like that?”
Have I ever laughed? I couldn’t remember. When I became a succubus and went to absorb the energy, it felt fun. I often smiled, but Lilith had originally smiled too much… Maria smiled bashfully and continued her words.
“If you did something wrong, just smile at me like you did back then, and everything will be solved. But if they did something wrong, cry!”
“…Uh, c-cry?”
“Yes, yes. If a kid who doesn’t normally smile suddenly smiles or laughs, the other person would be very taken aback, like What?!”
Maria’s words began to sound plausible. It was because I remembered how flustered Damian was when he saw me crying… No, I’m going to have a serious talk, so what if I cry! I quickly shook my head.
“That, well, what if it’s each other’s fault?”
“Huh?!”
“Really? Crying is best. And if you did something wrong, what big of a mistake you can make. After crying, you feel refreshed and can speak better.”
“…….”
Wouldn’t that make me more tongue-tied? I looked at Maria, silently asking her that question with my eyes, but she just smiled. She seemed in a great mood. Maria said again in an excited voice.
“Lily. I am very happy now.”
“You’re happy? Why?”
“Yes, I didn’t expect I’d be able to talk to you like this. We always just talked about work, work and work. Let’s talk about trivial things sometimes, huh? Tell me about your love life, too.”
“Lo, love?”
“I haven’t forgotten. You still haven’t told me who tied your hair up before.”
Maria laughed mischievously. That was a long time ago, but she still remembers it. Avoiding the prying gaze, I hurriedly brought a forkful of salad into my mouth. The early morning ended a little late.
Maria grabbed me by the shoulder and said as we left the noisy restaurant.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but it will be okay. Everything I said earlier is true, so don’t forget it.”
“…Thank you, Maria. Oh, you know what. Let’s go together next time the night market opens.”
“Oh, really?!”
“Yes. Commander Cygnus said that it doesn’t matter when I’ll take a break, as long as I tell him in advance. Let’s go see it together on your day off.”
“Good! Every time I stand at the night market, there is a place that I always go around, and I think it will be very enjoyable.”
With Maria’s cheeks flushed, she stomped her feet in excitement. I got a hair tie as a gift before, so this time I have to give her something too. At the top of the steps, I waved to Maria.
“Then, I’ll be off. Rest well.”
“Yes. See you later.”
As I went to the knight’s compound, my steps were light. It’s strange because nothing had been resolved properly yet. I took a deep breath and walked faster.
As the building got closer, my heart started to beat a little bit. As I stood in front of the main building with clenched fists and made up my mind again.
“Oh, Noona!”
From inside, Regulus ran out with a big smile. I saw the other commanders who were with him stop walking. I bowed my head to greet him lightly and smiled as I saw Regulus holding his hand. He said with a smile.
“Noona, this time, I am entrusted with an escort mission!”
“An escort mission?”
“Yes! Ah, it’s confidential, so I can’t say it properly, but that’s…”
“It’s okay. It’s been a long time since I went outside. That’s why you’re so excited.”
“Hehe, that’s great. But Noona, today, for some reason, you feel different than usual.”
He smiled brightly and came a little closer to me and wrinkled his nose.
“Mmh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“No, I think you smell different than usual. But I think I might be mistaken!”
“It could be because I changed my body wash. More than that, Regulus, actually, I have some business to do with the people in the back.”
“The back?”
Regulus turned around and pointed his finger at the commanders. I nodded my head, and Regulus, who put his hand down with a sullen face, looked back and said.
“Noona has business with the commanders… So I’ll go to the training ground first, Commander Damian, be sure to come and don’t mess around.”
“No, I am going to rest today…”
“Is that allowed? Then Noona, see you later.”
Regulus waved his hand and turned the building. Watching his back, I walked inside without hesitation. Ares could not make eye contact with me and Odil gave no expression. Endymion seemed to be happy for some reason, and Damian seemed to have given up on everything.
Be honest, be honest. I licked my dry lips, feeling a bit tense as I spoke firmly.
“I think we have a lot to talk about. So please, give me some time…”
There was a minor mishap—my voice got smaller. Everyone’s eyes went straight to Odil, who went to the conference room in silence.
I followed the commanders and went inside.
——
Chapter 60: 60
As time went by, the memories faded, but the longing seemed to pile up layer by layer.
My thoughts were so tangled up that I couldn’t fall asleep at all. So when I took out and read all the letters my mother and I had exchanged, the sky was already getting brighter outside.
I blew out the burning candle and went into the bathroom.
“…Haa.”
My eyes hurt from crying a little. So I wet my face with cold water and looked in the mirror. Come to think of it, I hadn’t changed back yet. Blinking my eyes a few times, I was transformed into Lily’s face again. Looking at the pale white cheeks, I made up my mind once again.
First, I decided to get the ring back. But I haven’t thought about whether I’ll wear it again or not. In the past, I would have decided to put on the ring as soon as I’d find it, but…
It must have been because I had accepted her, saying, ‘You are me, too,’ when Lilith, who was very angry, meekly returned control to me.
For the first time since becoming a succubus, we faced each other and talked. It wasn’t for a long time, but I didn’t want to force her to sleep when she said she would help me even while knowing that she would disappear again.
However, it all started with the ring being lost in the first place, and as I told Damian, it was also my grandmother’s keepsake, so I decided to find it.
After changing, I stood in front of the mirror and took a long breath.
“You won’t know if you like it or not if you don’t express it clearly.”
“There are some things that can’t be conveyed if you don’t tell them.”
Nothing Grandmother said was wrong. There was still some hesitation, but now it was time to speak out.
Leaving the room, I quickly walked down to the dining room. Even though it was early, Maria was sitting at the table. I put enough food on the plate and sat across from her.
“Hello, Maria. You came down early.”
“Ah, Lily. Good morning. Why did you come so early? And why are you eating so much today? It would be nice to eat well like this every day.”
“…I haven’t eaten much in a while, have I?”
“Yes. I can’t see your body’s outline well because you’re all covered up, but I’ve been worried because your face is so gaunt these days. I got up early because it’s my day off today, so I came quickly. But I’ll eat and go up and sleep.”
When she said that, Maria’s smiling face looked so proud that I smiled too. After sandwiching the cheese and ham between the warm buns and taking a sip of the soup, I said to her:
“How are you? You look fine today… You can’t even say you’re not. I’m worried that you’re having a hard time. Oh, and I went to the main palace library the day before yesterday. Lucy also talked about you. She hated to hear that you were suddenly transferred, but she was also worried about how you’re doing. Haven’t you met up with her yet since your transfer?”
“Yeah, I’ll have to go see her on my next day off. Um… Actually, Maria.”
Putting the spoon down, I hesitantly called out to Maria. Maria, who was drinking fruit juice, tilted her head to the side in question.
“What do you think I’m putting up with so much? Am I not good at saying no?”
“Lily, something happened?”
“…Mmh.”
When I answered lightly, Maria frowned slightly. Facing her dark green eyes, I slowly spoke to her.
“I am going to talk about something very important now. But I’ve never been honest with them before. About what I am thinking.”
“You can’t tell me what you’re going to say to them?”
“…Yes, I’m sorry.”
“You too. What are you saying sorry for? I mean, it’s such an important thing. Well. Both Lucy and I spoke to the head maid after hearing your story, but honestly, I often thought that you were drawing a line between people. I knew it when I saw that you kept taking things and couldn’t say anything you didn’t like. What a closed-off kid, I thought.”
“Closed… Closed off?”
“Yes. You find it awkward to be praised, feel burdened when someone takes an interest in you, and change your expression instantly when people you don’t know talk to you.”
Maria pulled her own lips flat with her hands. So, it must mean that I had made such a hard face. It was something I was feeling myself.
“So every time the distance got closer little by little, I was happy. Oh, right. you said that last time. It’s not that you like to work, it’s that you like working time. Remember?”
“Ah, yes.”
“If it was like before, I would have just laughed a little or passed it awkwardly rather than saying that, but every time I see you complaining, it makes me happy.”
“Please don’t be flattered by that…”
“And you were very grateful when I gave you that hair tie. You just smiled. But to those people, you never showed it like that?”
“If you did something wrong, just smile at me like you did back then, and everything will be solved. But if they did something wrong, cry!”
“…Uh, c-cry?”
“Yes, yes. If a kid who doesn’t normally smile suddenly smiles or laughs, the other person would be very taken aback, like What?!”
Maria’s words began to sound plausible. It was because I remembered how flustered Damian was when he saw me crying… No, I’m going to have a serious talk, so what if I cry! I quickly shook my head.
“That, well, what if it’s each other’s fault?”
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“Each other? Then… Cry first!”“Huh?!”
“Really? Crying is best. And if you did something wrong, what big of a mistake you can make. After crying, you feel refreshed and can speak better.”
“…….”
Wouldn’t that make me more tongue-tied? I looked at Maria, silently asking her that question with my eyes, but she just smiled. She seemed in a great mood. Maria said again in an excited voice.
“Lily. I am very happy now.”
“You’re happy? Why?”
“Yes, I didn’t expect I’d be able to talk to you like this. We always just talked about work, work and work. Let’s talk about trivial things sometimes, huh? Tell me about your love life, too.”
“Lo, love?”
“I haven’t forgotten. You still haven’t told me who tied your hair up before.”
Maria laughed mischievously. That was a long time ago, but she still remembers it. Avoiding the prying gaze, I hurriedly brought a forkful of salad into my mouth. The early morning ended a little late.
Maria grabbed me by the shoulder and said as we left the noisy restaurant.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but it will be okay. Everything I said earlier is true, so don’t forget it.”
“…Thank you, Maria. Oh, you know what. Let’s go together next time the night market opens.”
“Yes. Commander Cygnus said that it doesn’t matter when I’ll take a break, as long as I tell him in advance. Let’s go see it together on your day off.”
“Good! Every time I stand at the night market, there is a place that I always go around, and I think it will be very enjoyable.”
With Maria’s cheeks flushed, she stomped her feet in excitement. I got a hair tie as a gift before, so this time I have to give her something too. At the top of the steps, I waved to Maria.
“Then, I’ll be off. Rest well.”
“Yes. See you later.”
As I went to the knight’s compound, my steps were light. It’s strange because nothing had been resolved properly yet. I took a deep breath and walked faster.
As the building got closer, my heart started to beat a little bit. As I stood in front of the main building with clenched fists and made up my mind again.
“Oh, Noona!”
From inside, Regulus ran out with a big smile. I saw the other commanders who were with him stop walking. I bowed my head to greet him lightly and smiled as I saw Regulus holding his hand. He said with a smile.
“Noona, this time, I am entrusted with an escort mission!”
“An escort mission?”
“Yes! Ah, it’s confidential, so I can’t say it properly, but that’s…”
“It’s okay. It’s been a long time since I went outside. That’s why you’re so excited.”
“Hehe, that’s great. But Noona, today, for some reason, you feel different than usual.”
He smiled brightly and came a little closer to me and wrinkled his nose.
“Mmh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“No, I think you smell different than usual. But I think I might be mistaken!”
“It could be because I changed my body wash. More than that, Regulus, actually, I have some business to do with the people in the back.”
Regulus turned around and pointed his finger at the commanders. I nodded my head, and Regulus, who put his hand down with a sullen face, looked back and said.
“Noona has business with the commanders… So I’ll go to the training ground first, Commander Damian, be sure to come and don’t mess around.”
“No, I am going to rest today…”
“Is that allowed? Then Noona, see you later.”
Regulus waved his hand and turned the building. Watching his back, I walked inside without hesitation. Ares could not make eye contact with me and Odil gave no expression. Endymion seemed to be happy for some reason, and Damian seemed to have given up on everything.
Be honest, be honest. I licked my dry lips, feeling a bit tense as I spoke firmly.
“I think we have a lot to talk about. So please, give me some time…”
There was a minor mishap—my voice got smaller. Everyone’s eyes went straight to Odil, who went to the conference room in silence.
I followed the commanders and went inside.
——
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