Chapter 8: 2.2

Chapter 2: Great things are not done by impulse, but a series of small things brought together.

 

Part 2

 

 

I had thought of showing Senpai around the store since this was her first time here. However, as we entered the store, I was drawn in by a watercolor painting masterpieces collection and leafed through its pages, entranced, forgetting my original objective. I had never been interested in watercolors because the materials and techniques were different from those of oil painting I specialized in. But as I flipped through the pages, the thought of trying watercolor out didn’t seem so bad. The album was considerably heavy to carry back to Maimori, but I decided to buy it anyway. I then searched for Senpai. She appeared to me having a hard time choosing between two collections by Kawabe-sensei, her eyes darting from one to the other.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Hmm… I was wondering which to buy. But the more I think about it, the more troubled I become. Only if Yuri’s painting I saw in elementary school was in one of these, then I would certainly buy it without doubt. After all, my favorite painter is no one other than Yuri.”

 

For one day, I tried to forget about Yuri’s existence, to enjoy the exhibit without this bitterness spoiling it. Yet, why must I be reminded of how amazing her paintings were, paintings drawn by an elementary schooler that could change lives. In front of that spectacular talent, how do I hide my envy?

 

“That girl was a genius, a genius that doesn’t draw,” my voice trembled, “No… that refuses to draw. I hate it when you say that someone like her is even better than Kawabe-sensei who paints for living, or me who earnestly hone my skills every day.”

 

It was always the same. When I lashed out in resentment, it only sounded pathetic and regretful afterwards. Senpai, who bathed in the limelight and planned to enter the entertainment industry in Tokyo even with her country background, was undoubtedly someone from “that side”. She couldn’t understand my petty struggle, she would just snicker at me. 

 

“People who work so diligently that they could drown in their own blood don’t achieve their dreams. They just don’t. If every effort is rewarded, then no one would be crying,” I snorted.

 

Senpai said nothing back, but of course, what was there to say? That was the truth. That was precisely… That was precisely why I was struggling. That was why it was painful. 

 

“But… that kind of hardworking person isn’t bad, at least to me.”

 

I looked up, struck by her words, and noticed her gentle grip on my fingertips. There was no man whose heart didn’t skip a beat when his hand was entwined with the long and slender fingers of such a beautiful person.

 

“N-no, I wasn’t sulking. Stop treating me like a child.” My face might have reddened, or perhaps not, there was no way I would know.

 

“I’m not trying to comfort you either. I’m just doing it because I want to.”

 

Our eyes met for a long time. I had no idea what Senpai was thinking nor her intentions. However, I wasn’t here to do this with her. 

 

Remembering about that shy girl who would always reside in my heart, I gently withdrew my hands from hers. Senpai didn’t look displeased, but rather, she stared at me and asked.

 

“You were born and raised in Maimori? Yuri too?”

 

“Yes, that’s right. Yuri and I have been together since nursery school, and I’m sick of her. More than half of my youth is wasted on taking care of her.”

 

“Haha,” she smiled, “ that sounds like a lot of work. I’m going to Tokyo right after I graduate from high school, but how about you two?”

 

“I’m aiming for an art college in Tokyo too, but Yuri… I wonder what she’s going to do. I don’t think she can survive without me, but then I also feel like she would be just fine living alone on a deserted island…” 

 

‘I think she just can’t survive in the society,’ was what I was going to say when–

 

“By ‘Yuri’, do you mean Kashiwazaki Yuri-san?” 

 

Surprised by a low voice that could never be Senpai’s, I spun. There, a lanky man in black jacket was standing. Judging by how his hair was streaked by patches of gray, his age was probably a little over his fifties. No, not just any old man, I had seen him before. I had just seen him on a poster in front of the store, the artist hosting this very exhibition.

 

I asked in confidence, yet my voice came out in a shrill.

 

“You are…S-Shouhei Kawabe-sensei,… aren’t you!?”

 

“Oh, I’m honored. Hmm.” His eyes found the album in Senpai’s hands. “I would be very happy if you buy it. There’s not much of it in circulation, a rare collection, so to speak. I’ll also sign it for you.” With that, he bent down to sign.

 

I felt defiant at the balant marketing, or maybe at this person in general, he somehow had the aura that made me feel so.

 

“Eh? W-wow!? Why are you here?” Senpai cried out.

 

“Why? It’s my exhibition in my hometown, you know? Today is the last day too, why wouldn’t I come to see how things are going? Now, why don’t you answer my question?”

 

If I recall, a few moments ago, he mentioned a familiar name.

 

“Y-you know her, Kashiwazaki Yuri?” I hesitated

 

“Oh, yes, of course. I mean, I am, you know, a fan of hers.” he professed.

 

Bombshell dropped, stupefied, my eyes met with Senpai.

 

“I was one of the judges for a drawing contest she entered in her eighth grade summer break. I was blown away, to admit. ‘It was not something that a teenager could draw; there was definitely a ghostwriter drawing for her.’ was what I thought.”

 

No matter how vexing it was, that piece was imprinted into my mind too. Finally persuaded to draw by the offered highschool recommendation, she spent one remaining week of the summer break painting. Probably using the theory of how something familiar tended to be drawn faster, she drew a self portrait. From the singular strand of hair to the texture of skin, every element was impeccably captured by her realistic painting technique.

 

The more time she spent, the more intricate the expression became. That was a painting that she spent one week of her summer break painting. No matter how hard she could have concentrated on the work, anyone would have a hard time believing that it was done in one week.

 

“I hadn’t been the judge the next year, but when I heard that she submitted another work, I just had to go. And when I saw it, a sigh escaped my lips… Ah, of course I sighed in admiration. It was magnificent. Though it was drawn in a completely different style, it was breathtaking all the same,” he admired, “With the unlimited potential she possesses, I can’t help but have high hopes for her.”

 

I couldn’t believe that even Shouhei Kawabe held her in such high esteem. This time, the second painting Kawabe-sensei mentione, was an abstract creature from the depths of the sea. Overflowing with uniqueness and individuality, Yuri’s drawing received tons of support and won for two consecutive years in a record breaking landslide. 

 

“Do you know the English word for genius?” asked Kawabe-sensei, fixing his gaze on me.

[TN:Original Japanese being “天才”, meaning prodigy/genius/talented]

 

“‘Genius’, right?”

 

“Is that so? Then what about talent?”

[TN:Original Japanese being “才能”, meaning talent/ability]

 

“‘Talent’, I think…” I faltered.

 

‘Talent’, another word I hated, yet something yearned for more than anything. 

 

I was not that good at English, but I could understand that many words. However, Kawabe-sensei chortled as if I had given the wrong answer.

 

“I guess you could say that,” he said, “but I prefer the other word: ‘gift’. In other words, talent can be seen as a gift from god.”

 

“So you are saying that our skills are decided even before birth? No matter how much effort ordinary people put in, there’s no way to beat them?”

 

I could already imagine how Kawabe-sensei would react to my insolent remark. Still, from my point of view, these ‘talented people’ deserved to be snapped at.

 

“Well, how would I know? But there is a saying that a genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent effort. That is why I want to set Kashiwazaki-san in the right environment and guide her to the right path.” agreed Sensei.

 

Using that quote, Kawabe sensei skillfully evaded my question. With a fluid movement, he signed the album in his hands.

 

“Let alone plan about her future, I heard that she hasn’t even picked up her paintbrush, even though it’s her second year of high school already. From my speculation, I’d say her lack of motivation is due to a lack of stimulation,” he noted.

 

“…How did you know that Yuri hasn’t been painting?”

 

“Don’t look at me like that. There’s nothing sketchy about this. I am by no means a stalker of Kashiwazaki-san. I just asked Hiiragi-san about her career path a while ago. I heard that she does not seem to have any intention of going to an art college nor studying abroad. I know I am a complete stranger to her, but as someone who paints for living, and an old man who wants to see a bright future of the Japanese art world, I’m concerned about her future.”

 

Suppressing the urge to say ‘Getting out of your way to ask Hiiragi-sensei about Yuri, that’s quite stalkerish in itself’, I mulled over the fact that someone like Kawabe-sensei cared that much about a single highschool girl. Yuri, just how amazing could you be?

 

“I also asked the museum director to mail her tickets for the exhibition. Seems like she couldn’t come.” He shook his head. “I also mailed her my business card along with the tickets. Could you tell her that I am waiting to hear from her anytime and will spare no effort to help her with anything.”

 

With his hand placed on my shoulder, on his face a reassuring smile, I was even more offended.

 

“I’m not your messenger boy,” I growled, “I’m Komiya Sousuke and one day, I’ll be a painter.”

 

Kawabe-sensei’s expression didn’t falter. Just like that, he went to another room with his staff. 

 

With the album signed, Senpai had no choice but to buy it. After Senpai finished her purchase, we left the store.

 

“I knew it. It’s not just me, Yuri’s paintings are just that great, right?” marveled Senpai. All the while, she had been as silent as a Jizo statue. 

[TN: Jizo statues are real cuteeee… what a useless TN]

 

“Yeah… Even Kawabe-sensei, who sees lots of artwork, had taken a shine to her… Just like what you experienced, her paintings capture hearts,” I agreed.

 

Perhaps it was the aftereffect of Kawabe-sensei’s admiration that compelled me to reveal my honest feelings. I found myself praising her too.

 

“Pencils, paintbrushes, crayon, you name it… whatever you give her, what she returns are masterpieces. Bold yet delicate, with a sense of motion that seems to leap out from the canvas any moment…I’m charmed by her paintings. The first time I saw her painting… I was awestruck… It was as if my fate had been sealed…Uh, don’t tell her about this, okay?”

 

But that didn’t mean I approve of how she rested on her laurels and refused to make further effort. 

 

Oblivious of my dilemma, Senpai whispered in admiration, “You sure like Yuri al lot.”

 

“There’s no way. Never once have I had any romantic feelings for her.”

 

“Really? But you have an admiration sort of affection for her talent, don’t you?”

 

“Not that too! Definitely not!” I snapped.

 

Reflexively, I had aggressively dismissed like how I would do when Yuri teased. That I admired her skill as a painter– was a fact that I myself never wanted to admit.

 

Perhaps it was because I had snapped at her, Senpai’s eyes widened in surprise. Shoot. That was unnecessary, it would only make her even more suspicious about our relationship. I needed to be calm… but once riled up, emotions could not easily settle down. 

 

“S-sorry I snapped! It’s not that you had offended me, it’s more of a habit! I just can’t help it!” Even my apology sounded forceful. 

 

“You don’t have to apologize…So, what are we going to do next?”

 

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I checked my watch. Despite it being winter, there was still plenty of time left before sunset.

 

According to my plans, I was to invite Senpai for dinner, discuss the impressions of the paintings we saw and decide on which direction to proceed for the Kouji Exhibition. If I could start working on it by tomorrow then that would be a plus.

 

“Well…” I hesitated, “You are quite busy, right? Then let’s go back to Maimori.”

 

But with that awkward exchange with Kawabe-sensei, how he had completely seen through my jealousy towards Yuri, I was in no mood to carry out the plan.

 

Unable to shake off the black haze in my chest, I parted with Senpai after we got back to Maimori. Legarthicly, I dragged myself home, and using my last ounce of strength, I heaved myself onto the bed. Was it immediately after, or was it a while, I didn’t know, but noticing my phone vibrating, I checked the message. 

 

[Art museum? How luckyyy. I want to go there too! Did you have fun?]

 

A message came from Utako. It was an innocent question, but it hit where it hurted. I clicked and the screen turned black. I closed my eyes.

 

I wondered if Yuri was having a good time doing stupid things and laughing like a fool while I toiled and suffered.

 

I couldn’t help it, but just the thought of her irked me. Just what kind of childhood friend I was…?

 

***

 

“Hmm” mused Sensei.

 

The following week, after school. Across the desk, my homeroom teacher, Yoshioka-sensei scowled at me, then at the printout once more. The title of the printout read, “Career aspiration”. 

 

“I know that You want to go to an art university in Tokyo… But have you decided on your specific dream for your future?”

 

“Yes,” I replied, “I like oil paintings, so I want to major in it. I also wish to make a living with it.”

 

Of all times, the school decided to hold a student-teacher meeting now. For the past record, the meeting did nothing but worsen my depressed state. The discomfort was because of the fact that I had never received a positive response to my future plans. 

 

“From your personality, you might not like what I am going to say… but as an educator, I need to say this. Art schools are bound to have two to three dropouts every year, even if you could manage it, it doesn’t mean that you could be a painter. Only a handful of people made it. To be honest, I don’t recommend it,” claimed Yoshioka-sensei.

 

Yoshioka-sensei was a biology teacher. Despite being outside his field of expertise, his statements weren’t wrong. But to me, who had already done a lot of research on my career path, it was a fact that I had already accepted a long time ago. I clenched my fists. Even though I had already expressed my passion, he had flatly rejected my resolve, my dream of pursuing a career in this field. 

 

“I know Kashiwazaki has more achievements, but you are not far behind, and you have the confidence. However, Maimori is a small town, being confident just because you draw better than most people is no different than a frog in the well. There will come a day when you will be pummeled by the wider world. Do you still wish to advance on that path?”

 

“I do.”

  

 

He sighed, “Being stubborn is not going to take you anywhere, you know?”

 

“I’m not being stubborn. This is just who I am.” I locked my stare to his. 

 

After exchanging stares for about five seconds, the stern-faced Sensei suddenly relaxed, his expressions softened.

 

“I already thought you would say that. You sure are adamant,” said Yoshioka-sensei, unable to keep amusement from his voice. He swept his pen over the printout, writing comments somewhat happily. “I haven’t talked to your parents yet, so I don’t know what they think about your future plans. However, if you fail to get into your desired university, whether you will be a ronin, or whether you are considering technical school, in these cases, you need to convince your parents. At such times, having a way with words will be important. You are quite persuasive and have a lot of achievements, right? But if you can present your future aspirations in a more concrete manner, it will be easier for me to support you.”

[TN: Ronin, term for graduates who failed to enter a school at the next level, and consequently is studying outside of the school system for entrance in a future year.

 

Compared to past records, that response was good enough, so I obediently nodded in agreement. 

 

“If you want to go to an art university, then you need to prepare for the practical exam fast. You are almost in your third year now, right? Face your dreams and consider things you need to do.”

 

“I will,” I nodded.

 

I believed I had been taking this seriously, yet why did adults around me only see it as a childish dream? Shoulders slumped, I left the room and headed straight to the art club.  There was no activity today, but several members were present, each of them painting. I made my way to the easel holding my canvas, put on my apron to prevent the paint from staining my uniform, and dipped my brush into the paint. 

 

Colors, shape, and shades, you cannot paint unless you could envision where these elements were to be. I drew a breath. I stroked my brush. Carefully, carefully. I might be repetitive about this, but I put my love into every piece I paint. I ran my brush over the canvas, the painting taking shape, coming closer to completion. Yuri’s painting I covered was still as it was, still awaiting its creator. Naturally, every member of the art club, Hiiragi-sensei included, were all eager to see it completed.

 

But no matter how I urged her to draw, she always refused, one way or another. According to her, “This painting is no longer fun to draw.”.  I tightened my grip on the paintbrush. What’s wrong with you? There’s no way someone who couldn’t even finish a painting could make a living of it.

[TN: Sousuke, I heard that Da Vinci didn’t finish lots of paintings] 

 

Of course, I could imagine her face as she said, “I don’t intend to make a living as an artist in the first place.”. My hands trembled. I didn’t think someone who left their work unfinished could be a decent member of society!

 

…Damn you. I was the one who drew more painting, I was the one who put in more effort.

 

 Why was it Yuri who received all the attention? 

 

Why was it her that got all the praise!?

 

…Why!!!

 

“Uh, Sousuke, why do you seem on edge?” 

 

“Did I look like that?”

 

“Aura of anger is flooding this room, and it came from you.” 

 

Wait. That comment could only come from one person…

 

“Yuri!?”

 

With a start, my head snapped up. 

 

As I gaped, Yuri said, “Don’t be so loud, I would be in trouble if Hiiragi-sensei finds out. I went out of my way to find a day that there’s no club activity, you know?”

 

Huh? My eyes swept the room; the other club members were already gone.

 

Pouting, Yuri examined my painting. She was not the type to criticize other people’s drawing, much less giving pointers, but I was anxious about what she might think of my work.

 

“Um, Sousuke, why are you usually drawing with a frown?” she asked, her eyes still on the painting.

 

“W-why, you say… It’s quite painful when you are giving birth to something, right?” I parried.

 

I thought it was decent for a spur-of-the-moment answer, perhaps a bit curt. 

 

Yuri tilted her head, then professed nonchalantly, “Hmph, that sounds difficult. Whatever the purpose, I only thought about whether I am enjoying it or not.”

 

I didn’t really understand what she meant, but what she said displayed our difference in class. She, a genius, I, an ordinary person. My eyes became hot. When did it start? When did I start prioritizing surpassing Yuri over having fun. When did my source of determination come from frustration, from my grudge against Yuri? I felt like screaming. Tears started collecting in my eyes. 

 

“So that’s how geniuses think? Good for you. You can draw anything with ease, win awards as much as you like, like it was nothing.” I shuddered. “Has art ever worried you!?”

 

Sometimes you become sober the moment you put those emotions into words. This time too, I regained my calmness just after I foolishly revealed my jealousy. 

 

Eek! The realization hit me. That was totally presumptuous. At best, she would look at me in contempt…

 

I turned away in embarrassment, but her ultramarine blue eyes did not let me go. I cowered under her piercing gaze, as if she was judging me. 

 

“…You have no idea of the pressure of having to draw nothing less than a masterpiece… nor the pressure of having to come up with an awe-inspiring concept. Despite you understanding none of that, you still…” 

[TN:The text in italics were inaudible to Sousuke]

 

Yuri’s whispers were barely audible, the only thing I could make sense of was  “…Pressure…Despite you…”

 

“Sorry, what did you say?” There was no way I could piece together what she meant by those three words.

 

But when I asked her back, that piercing gaze earlier was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she placed her hand on my shoulder in an aloof manner. 

 

“I didn’t say anything? I didn’t come here to paint, I just wanted to check on you.”

 

“Wait? What do you mean?” 

 

She turned on her heels and said, “I meant it as it is. Now that I have seen your face, I’m going home, see you later.” 

 

“Wait, Yuri!” I rose and gave chase. But at that moment Sugawara-senpai entered.

 

“Eh!? What was that? So you two are really like that!?” she gasped.

 

I frowned. “How could you show up at the worst possible time again…” Then I remembered. “No, I was the one who asked you to come here… Well, I’ll repeat again, there’s no way I and Yuri are dating. I’m not interested in her as a girl.”

 

People like Senpai, who were neither too far nor too close, always found teasing our relationship funny. I ran my hand through my hair and then beckoned Senpai to sit. Today, I invited senpai over for the painting for the Kouji exhibit. 

 

“Sousuke, you look a bit down. Do you want to talk about it?” said Senpai, concerned.

 

Those kind words were effective on my weakened spirit. The next thing I noticed was that I had asked Senpai for advice.

 

“I’m a bit unsure about my future… You plan to go to Tokyo immediately after high school, right? Have you thought about getting a degree first?”

 

“Hmm. I haven’t thought about it at– all.” She flung her head back, staring at the ceiling. “My parents and homeroom teachers advised me to take the entrance examination, saying that it would be better to have something to back me up in case things didn’t go well. Insurance, you could say that. But I don’t need insurance. I only see a vision of success. If your passion matches your talent, what’s left to worry about?”

 

How she answered without a moment’s hesitation gave me goosebumps. I realized how frightening it was to see people who were aware of their talents, set goals, and pushed forward. 

 

She was so cool. If I were some manager, then I wouldn’t hesitate to hire her on the spot. She was someone that you could trust to do the job.

 

“But… Well, you are not talented like me nor Yuri, so continue worrying, young man.” She patted my head, shattering my hope.

 

“Why do I get the feeling that you would say that?” I sighed. Senpai giggled as I failed to brush away her hand on my head. 

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