Chapter 11: Chapter 9: Selfish Motivation

“Ahh….” I quietly groaned as I sat in the corner of my own room while I watched my two cousins and two of the neighbour’s kids have at it, my game console hooked up to the large 55” TV screen. 

 

They were playing a particular fighting game as they all took turns. Even though they were using my entertainment equipment, I didn’t want to join them.

 

I’m tired… 

 

After getting home, I slept for a good two hours before I was woken up by this party, in particular, asking if they could use my game console. I said yes because refusing them would lead to something much more troublesome. 

 

Alisa… I voiced her name in my mind as I glanced at her. 

 

Alisa quietly watched them play on my console as she sat beside my bed. Sometimes fiddling on her phone, she quietly watched them play like me. 

 

There was no trace of her smile. 

 

Ah, so she does get tired as well… 

 

My perception of extreme social butterflies like her was that they never get tired, like how an extrovert gains energy from social interaction, but I was wrong. 

 

No matter what you are, if you live, the feeling of tiredness still creeps up on you one way or another. 

 

Though I’m not as stupid enough to think that she’s secretly an introverted person, it’s probably just been a long day for her. 

 

I’m going downstairs; it’s hard to breathe in here. I thought as I was about to stand up when I had an idea. So far, the success of the eyes is a 50/50 chance; it only works every two tries. 

 

If I use the eyes again on her, will it work? Or will it simply be a passing thought? 

In the next moment, I glanced at Alisa again, but this time I didn’t look away until we made eye contact. 

 

Go downstairs with Iven to take a breather. I mentally voiced my suggestion, and the moment I finished that sentence within my mind, a chill ran down my spine as my eyes throbbed for a moment. 

 

The eyes had activated. 

 

In a few seconds, her eyes widened slightly as if in surprise, but then her expression reverted to normal. 

 

Alisa got off the bed and stood up, then turned towards me. 

 

“Hey Iven, do you want to go someplace else?” Alisa quietly whispered into my ear. 

“Yes…” I replied as my heart suddenly raced faster, as if her sweet voice had jump-started it. 

 

***

 

“So, what do you want to do?” Alisa asked as we reached the first floor. 

 

From a glance, all our parents and the adults seem to be outside, so it’s only Alisa and me down here on the first floor of my house while the other kids are busy with their games up in my room. 

 

“I don’t know…,” I uttered in response as I walked into the kitchen, but as the door to the garage went into my field of vision, I had an idea. “Hey, Alisa.”

 

“What is it?” Alisa replied. 

 

“I think we still have the table tennis set up in the garage, do you want to play?” 

 

“Sure, that’s sounds fun,” 

 

“Got it.” 

 

After deciding and agreeing on what we should do, Alisa and I promptly moved to the garage. 

 

It was a little cramped with all the bikes, tools, and the couch beside the table tennis, but there was still enough space for us to move in. 

 

I went over to the right side of the table while Alisa stayed on the left. I grabbed the paddle and jar of balls beside the tools and handed one of the paddles to Alisa. 

 

“Ready?” I voiced as I picked up one of the balls from the jar and readied my serve. 

 

“Go for it,” Alisa responded as I could see her smile slowly form. 

 

“Here we go…!” 

 

With that, I threw the ball into the air and swung the paddle forwards. 

 

“”Ah,”” we uttered in unison as my paddle never hit the ball and tumbled to the ground. “I forgot… I suck at this.” 

 

“Ffff…. Hahahaha, what was that? It was like you’re trying to make me laugh,” Alisa laughed wholeheartedly as she lightly smacked her fist on the table as Alisa bent down slightly. 

 

“Oi, don’t laugh….” I uttered in a low voice while trying to hold back my laughter. 

“Sorry, sorry…” Alisa’s laughing seemed to have been slowly dying as she tried to stand straight. “It was just too funny.” 

 

“Ahaha…”

 

“Well… I’ll serve, hand me the ball.” 

 

“Here,” without even hesitating, I tossed the ball towards her, and she caught it with her hand. 

 

“Alright… don’t miss,” Alisa voiced as she readied to serve. 

 

“I’ll try….” 

 

*Ping* 

 

*Pong*

 

Once Alisa threw her serve, the game had started, for real, this time. 

 

As the both of us threw the ball back at each other using the paddles, the ball seemed to slowly increase in speed as it occasionally landed on the table. 

 

“Not bad…” 

 

“Yeah…” 

 

“You need to work on your serve a little but with enough practice, you’re good at this,” Alisa mentioned.  

 

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“Well… thanks,” I replied. 

 

“You know, when you see me at school, don’t hesitate to ask if you want to hang out with me.” 

 

“Eh? Ah…” Slightly confused about what she said, I almost missed the ball, but I somehow managed to hit it back. “What do you mean?” 

 

“You want to hang out with me, right? That’s why don’t just watch me….” 

 

“Ah you saw me?” 

 

“Of course, I did, nearly every time during lunch break, I could see you eyeing me from a distance or up close,” Alisa explained. “Like that one time I was playing basketball, you were sitting on the stone stairs alone.” 

 

“Ahahaha… I could explain….” 

 

“No need, even without you telling me, anyone could see that you’re lonely, if you want to hang, then hang out, don’t hold back.”

 

“But…” 

 

“No buts, understand?” 

 

“Ah yeah…” 

 

So, Alisa saw me after all… all those times I thought she didn’t. 

“That’s why I’m sorry….” 

 

“What are you apologizing for?” 

 

“I saw you, but I ignored you.” 

 

“It’s fine, I don’t need it, I pretty much understand why you’d ignore me.” 

 

“Hm?” 

 

“You have your own friends, I’m just a cousin who you just recently met, even if we’re related by blood, we don’t know each other at all, that’s why I understand.” 

 

“I’m glad,” Alisa voiced. “Well, anyways don’t hesitate to approach me at any time, even if you don’t need something, I’ll hang out with you, I won’t ever turn you down, okay?” 

 

“Thank you…” I said as I hit the ball back towards her again, but this time as the ball flew towards her, she missed, and the ball hit the garage door. 

 

“Ah, I lost… I’ll go get it,” Alisa said as she did as she said she would. 

 

She’s an angel… Alisa’s the only one to show me such overwhelming kindness; I feel like I’m going to cry… 

 

“Oh, you’re Alisa’s cousin? It’s funny how she’s so talkative and you’re so quiet…, I wonder why anyone hasn’t told me this.” I remembered one of my teacher’s words. 

It was during lunch break on the second week, and my extroverted classmates and my teacher were talking to each other. 

 

It was a topic that came up when one of my classmates who knew Alisa asked me if I was Alisa’s cousin, and I confirmed. 

 

We’re cousins and related by blood, but we couldn’t be more different from each other. 

 

Alisa’s enjoying her youth surrounded by friends in wonderful high school life. Meanwhile, I decided that I don’t deserve my youth; I don’t deserve the beautiful things she has. 

 

But that doesn’t matter. 

 

I’m sure that someday, Alisa will show me the way. 

 

Someday I won’t have to think that I’m inferior to everything on this planet, I won’t feel worthless, and I won’t feel like trash. 

 

For me right now, that sounds impossible. 

 

But for the me, who will be with her, it might just happen. 

 

My fate hasn’t been sealed yet. 

 

“I’ll fight….” I quietly muttered under my breath. 

 

“Hm? Did you say something?” Alisa asked as she picked up the ping pong ball from the ground and stood straight. 

 

“Nothing, let’s continue,” I replied. 

 

“Yeah, hey do you want to serve this time? I’ll teach you.” 

 

“Uhh… do you really want me to?” 

 

“I mean I could continue to do the serves, but it’ll be more fun if you do it too.” 

 

“…” I sighed, “Fine, I’ll do it.” 

 

“Great!” 

 

After Alisa flung the ball towards me, I caught it and immediately got started on my serve. 

 

I missed the first time. Second time. 

 

Third, fourth and fifth until eventually, Alisa chimed in. “Don’t close your eyes, Iven, see where the ball is and hit.” 

 

“Got it,” I heeded her instructions and opened my eyes widely, “Here!” 

 

As I swung the paddle, it hit the ball and flew it to her side. 

 

“Nice!” Alisa picked up the ball again. “Let’s try it for real this time, I won’t lose this time.” 

 

“I won’t lose either….” I responded unknowingly; I had a big smile plastered all over my face. I didn’t know that until later, though. 

 

Alisa handed me the ball once more, I served it, and then the game began. 

 

Maybe… I’ll try again. I thought as my mind was intensely focused on the game. 

 

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