Chapter 21: Chapter 19: Existence Completion

I can’t believe I’m doing this again… I thought as I silently watched Alisa from afar while I quietly ate my bread for lunch. 

Two…maybe three days ago, I started to wake up. 

It was only this morning that the other me from this world vanished entirely, and I managed to take over. 

The thought of another me dying didn’t faze me as much; he deserved it as much as I do. 

However, waking up to a world where I didn’t manage to get close to Alisa when I did in my original one was shocking. 

Seeing our relationship revert to what it was before I had the eyes just hurts me. 

Of course, without those eyes, I couldn’t even hope to approach her. 

I can’t ask her to hang out with me. 

Even if I did approach her, I wouldn’t be able to get the right words out anyways. 

That’s why I was always hoping she’d notice me watching her and invite me out of her free will. 

That’s how pathetic my social skills are. 

Sometimes I’d wish I’d retained those skills from when I was that selfish idiot, but it probably wouldn’t make sense either way. 

I don’t know how the old me made friends while the current me cannot.

It feels insulting, to be honest, how people would choose to approach a rather horrible person than someone like me who has mellowed out. 

I guess that’s just how things are in the world. 

People approach those who seem “fun” to be around and leave people like me who are gloomy to be alone. 

I can’t understand it. 

I can’t wrap my head around it. 

 

“I want you to kill for me….” 

 

Suddenly, Lilith’s words echo in my mind as the memory plays back. 

No, I still can’t accept it… but I’m not sure… anymore. I thought. 

Ever since I woke up, the heavy feeling of guilt has been ever so present; I can’t get rid of it. It won’t go numb. 

It’s hard to breathe with me like this, let alone go on my day-to-day life here. 

I don’t want to kill for my happiness, but I also don’t want to keep going like this. 

I can’t end myself; that would go against my principle of not hurting people. 

 

What… should I do? 

 

***

“Hey, Iven.” 

“Eh?” 

 

As I was walking home from school and approaching the little neighborhood area that my house was in, a familiar person appeared in front of me. 

“You’re early, Erica,” I mentioned. 

“Well, some stuff happened, and we were late,” Erica replied wryly. 

Yes, the girl with the green-themed sailor uniform standing in front of me was Frederica De Guzman, a person who I first hurt stepping into this country. 

“Have you finished the volume I lent you?” I asked as we both started walking into the neighborhood together. 

“Uh… I’m almost done just a few more pages.” 

“Got it.” 

“I should be able to return it to you by tomorrow.” 

“Alright…” 

 

“Bye, I might text you later,” Erica voiced as she went inside her house. 

“Uh yeah…” I muttered in response. 

Our conversation was brief as both houses were only several meters in front of us. 

“It’s just like what I said; I need you to kill other humans for me, at least once every three days.” 

“…” Sighing, I walked towards my own house and entered. 

I won’t kill, I won’t murder, even if I am happy, I refuse to do such a thing. 

But… is that really a bad thing? 

Is the killing of other humans that bad? Hundreds, if not thousands, of lives are taken in this vast world. 

What does it matter if I take a few? 

No, It’s still w̸͚͚̰͓͎͙̫̍̀̓̓͑̔r̷̡̧̛̼̰̞͕̮̟̅͂̑͌̄̋͐̐͜͝o̴̢̭̟͉̳̺͛̓̽́̏̓ņ̶̜͍̻̤̞͕̳̺͍̰̼̋͒͛̌̿ͅg̸̤̣̪̳͚̙̻̞̮̍́͐́͒̑̓̈̊̄̓̀̚͠.̴̗̭͉̬͋̍̿͗̓̾́͐̐̃

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No matter the reason, the killing of other humans is still w̵̨̨͚̲̮͙̤̖̩̻̳͍̫̓̌̓͗̉̿̿̓̌̍̑́̅͂̚ř̴̨̛̛̠̦̱̖͍̳̺͈͈̪́̋̑͒̀̅͘õ̸̜̞̠̲̘̹̤̪̖̙̀̽̒͜͜ṇ̸͕̭͔̿̃ģ̵͍̲̗̖͇̻͉̠̟̘̘̱̏̆̓͐͊̈̎̍̏ͅ, murdering people is w̵̨̨͚̲̮͙̤̖̩̻̳͍̫̓̌̓͗̉̿̿̓̌̍̑́̅͂̚ř̴̨̛̛̠̦̱̖͍̳̺͈͈̪́̋̑͒̀̅͘õ̸̜̞̠̲̘̹̤̪̖̙̀̽̒͜͜ṇ̸͕̭͔̿̃ģ̵͍̲̗̖͇̻͉̠̟̘̘̱̏̆̓͐͊̈̎̍̏ͅ, and taking away their lives for no good reason is w̵̨̨͚̲̮͙̤̖̩̻̳͍̫̓̌̓͗̉̿̿̓̌̍̑́̅͂̚ř̴̨̛̛̠̦̱̖͍̳̺͈͈̪́̋̑͒̀̅͘õ̸̜̞̠̲̘̹̤̪̖̙̀̽̒͜͜ṇ̸͕̭͔̿̃ģ̵͍̲̗̖͇̻͉̠̟̘̘̱̏̆̓͐͊̈̎̍̏ͅ.

But why is it w̸͔̖̄̊̀͂̊̌͐͠ř̷̡̧͓̰̼͍͍͖̯̪͍̯͚̆̂́̂͐͆̐͛͒̈ơ̸̧̹̦̘͍̖̬̞͔͗̓̀̽̓̋̂̏̒̎̊̇̈̉͜n̷͙̝̞͑́͋̊͐̿͆̋̉̓̽̽͝g̵̲̕?̷̧̧̫̺͔̖̦͍͈͔̭̗̣̈́͆̀͋ͅͅ

Who said that the killing of humans is ẽ̴̤͕͍̠̼̜̃͌̍̃̆̈͛͝͝͝v̷̧̡͈̠̙͍̤̣͓͑̋̔̀̋̓͋̋̇̈́̈́͛į̷̨̛̰̠̦̺̯̺̋̈́͗̅̽̑̓͝ļ̴̒͂͋̈̉̃̍̀́͌̃͋̄̌͠ in the first place? 

What even makes it so w̷͙̌̎̌̿͒̏r̴̨̧̨͍̩̱̪͔̳̍̀ͅo̵̢͖̱̪͎̥̖͈͇̐͂͊̊̂͛̎͊̓͑̀ͅṋ̵̢͇̦̝̊̂͊̊͒̐̍̈͒̐̏̚̚̕ĝ̵̪̓͂?̶̧̛̰̻̲̳̩̞̲͎̔̓̉̅̈́̾̊̋̔͒́̕͘͝

 

Huh?

 

I don’t even know what I’m thinking anymore… 

***

I scrolled up on my direct messages with Erica as I lay down on my bed; we haven’t texted each other in a few weeks, so just seeing these messages makes me feel all sorts of emotions. 

“What am I even thinking?” I muttered under my breath as I powered down my phone and set it to the side. 

Closing my eyes to rest. 

 

A vivid image came to mind. 

Erica’s slim body s̶̡̰̥͕̗͖̩̩̫͉̦̝̲̞̿p̸̳̞̅͗͋̍̐̌͌̉̒͑̾̇̏̚r̷͉̝̝͎̅̍̍̓͋ȁ̵͎͖̯̻͓̥̲̲̣̗̘̒̽̽̂̌̈́̋̐̍̚̚͘w̸͔̜̩̭̩͋̅̊̀̇͋̇͊́͒͆͛̓̚͝l̵̰͓̣̮̦̀̓̽͂͂̀͌̆̊̕͜ę̷̛̦͕̈͑͐͊̏́͆̕ͅd̷̛͈͕̤̫̟͔͚͔̰̲̱͓̲̹̞̒̽͌͒̾̏̃̿͐͆͂͠ down on the asphalt pavement, her body was bleeding all over with knife marks and various wounds. 

Her visible intestines are still attached to her body. 

Then, a random car runs her corpse over. 

Erica was ḑ̴̯̥̗̘̠̜̯͆ę̶̢̪̬͔͇͇̜̫̐̽̑̏̃̀̽̋͌̚͝a̸̹̝̗͖͈̹͐̓́̿̚d̸̥͊̑̇̂̊͋̀͌̋͘͠.̴̱͖̻̹̘̮̦́͂̍͑̚̕͠ͅ  

Dying in a horrible and gruesome way in my mind. 

 

My eyes shot open, and the image had disappeared, replaced by the familiar white ceiling of my own room. 

I sat up straight and grabbed my phone. 

 

“Really… what am I thinking?” I muttered to myself once more. 

 

Imagining murdering her, Erica, for my own selfish gain, a little hope for Lilith to notice me again and return me to where I belonged. 

I’m such a sick bastard, aren’t I? 

What I want is achievable in this world, but… for me alone, starting a conversation with her first and approaching her first without any reason, but this is impossible. 

I’m scared of what she’ll say. 

Knowing her, she’ll probably say to join her if I wanted to hang out, but… what if… what if she says something else? What if she rejects me and asks me to go somewhere else where I won’t bother them. 

That kind of thinking is what’s letting me be considerate to her and let her hang out with her own group of friends rather than include me in that group. 

Alisa, she alone, is the person I’d like to spend time with. 

 

But that’s too selfish of me to act on myself, though it doesn’t seem as bad compared to murder. 

Why was I thinking of murdering and gaining that happiness through supernatural means rather than just working on my social skills? 

I don’t know. 

I know my mind’s not set on a straight, but even then, this is too much. 

Too much by everyone’s standards. 

 

“…” I sighed as I got off my bed. 

Walking towards my window, I looked outside only to see the familiar scenery of houses and my backyard. 

 

“Lilith… if…..maybe…you can hear me…please… give me one more chance…!” I cried out, but as expected, no one responded. 

 

I knew it… 

I thought as I turned around when suddenly, I noticed a piece of paper lying on my desk. 

This wasn’t here before. 

I don’t remember there being any pieces of paper on my desk. 

I picked up the paper and flipped it around, only to see a message. 

“I see… so you haven’t completely abandoned me after all… Lilith,” I widened my eyes as I read the message. 

 

Kill, and you shall be given what you desire… 

 

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