Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Indirectly Instigated Conundrums

"Gooood Morning Iven!" 

 

"Ah!"

 

It was the morning after last night's text conversation with Alisa. I was waiting outside my classroom, in the ground floor corridor, for homeroom to start. Still, suddenly, a familiar person jumped on me from behind. 

 

"Ah, sorry," Alisa said as she got down from me, then I turned around to face her.

 

"Good morning, Iven," She repeated with her dazzlingly bright smile. 

 

"Ah yeah… good morning," I replied. 

 

This was the first time I said 'good morning' to her. 

 

Before this, whenever we'd pass each other in the corridor, Alisa would say good morning to me while excitedly waving her hand as she passed by me.

 

Still, today, I'd say she's straightforward. I wonder why…? 

 

"Did you have a good sleep?" Alisa asked. 

 

"Yeah, I did… why do you ask?" 

 

"Nothing much, I just wanted to know." 

 

"Oh, I see…." 

 

"Well, it's almost time, so I need to get to my class. Talk to you later," And with that, Alisa walked past me and went over to her locker while I stood still, confused about what had just happened. 

 

That surprised me… 

 

I thought my heart was going to stop there for a second. I felt as if I internally reacted late to that close contact I had with Alisa just a few moments ago. 

 

*Alisa's POV*

 

"Good morning, Alisa." 

 

"Good morning." 

 

"Good morning, Alisa." 

 

"Good morning." 

As I approached and opened my locker, I was greeted by a flurry of 'good mornings' from my friends and classmates. 

 

"Alisa, were you that close with your cousin?" A girl with long black hair tied in a ponytail wearing glasses asked; this was my best friend, Margaret.  

 

"Until yesterday, no I wasn't," I replied. 

 

"Oh really? Why the sudden change?" Margaret asked. 

 

"Well… I hung out with him yesterday during lunch and got to know him better," I responded. 

 

"Isn't he your cousin though?" 

 

"Yeah, he is, I've just never met him until a couple of months ago." 

 

"You never told me that." 

 

"I didn't? I thought I did." 

 

"You didn't." 

 

"Oh well… there you go." 

 

"But I am curious though." 

 

"About what?" 

 

"What do you think about your cousin?" 

 

As soon as Margaret finished her sentence, I finished getting all the stuff I needed and closed my locker. 

 

"What I think about him…?" I uttered as I stood up with materials in hand while I faced Margaret. "I think he's a sweet person, shy but still he's interesting to talk to." 

 

"I see, well… we probably should get going, it's almost time." 

 

"Yeah, we should," I said as we walked to our classroom, but I had a lingering doubt in my mind as we walked. 

 

Why do I suddenly feel nervous when I think about him…? 

 

*Iven's POV*

 

Ah… it's over…! I thought as I stretched my arms. The last period had ended, so it was time for me to pack my bags and go home all by lonesome self again. 

 

"I'm hungry…." I muttered under my breath as I grabbed my things from the table and walked out the classroom door, avoiding bumping into my classmates on the way out. 

 

"Hello, Iven!" 

 

"Urk." I stopped in my tracks as just outside my classroom, Alisa was standing by the door when she called out to me.

 

"Uh..uhm, what is it?" I asked. 

 

"Do you want to go home?" Alisa replied with a bright smile as she carried her blue backpack. 

 

"Uhm… don't we go opposite directions?"

 

If I remember correctly, she lives near my house, but the way of getting home is a bit different. I use the small park shortcut beside my house to quickly get home, but Alisa's house is at the end of both streets, so it's an extra few minutes of walking for me to get home.  

 

"Yeah, but if we go my way, you could still get home, you'll just be taking something like a short detour." 

 

"But why?" 

 

"…" In the next moment, Alisa's bright smile had vanished, her expression now that of something like a slight smile, sending a chill down my spine. 

 

"Fine, fine, just let me go get my bag and we'll go." 

 

"Great!" And just like a rejuvenated puppy, Alisa instantly regained her energy as I accepted her request to go home. 

 

Well… I guess I'd be happy to spend some extra time with Alisa. 

 

***

 

"Hey… are you okay?" I asked as we walked home side-by-side on the concrete sidewalk. 

 

"Hm? What do you mean?" Alisa replied. 

 

"Well… you seem overly hyper than usual." 

 

I'm worried. 

 

All this joy is getting to my head, and I almost forgot the most important thing. How did my eyes affect her? It's like she's brainwashed completely; this wasn't how it was supposed to go.

 

Of course, I expected something like this happening but not immediately. 

 

So… I can't help but worry. 

 

Was I an idiot for believing in the devil's words after all? 

 

"I'm okay! Don't worry, I'm healthy as I can be." 

 

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"Is that so? Then I'm glad…." 

 

"And I'm always this hyper y'know, you just don't notice it." 

 

"I see, well forget what I said, I think I just worry too much." 

 

"Yeah, you do." 

 

"But in all seriousness, why did you actually ask me to walk home with you?" I asked as I glanced at her face. 

 

"Actually, there's something wrong with me after all," Alisa admitted as her bright smile vanished into a complex expression. 

 

"Huh?" I uttered in confusion. "Wrong… as in what?" 

 

"Like, there's this throbbing feeling in my heart that I want to see you, I want to be with you or the something, basically when I think about you, I feel all nervous and, and." 

 

"That's enough," I interjected. "I don't know what caused you feel like that, but don't worry about it, I'll help you." 

 

"Thanks Iven." 

 

"You're welcome," I replied. "Actually, why don't we try and figure out the cause of why you're feeling that?" 

 

"We could but how would we do it?" 

 

"Uh.. I don't know, I suggested it." 

 

"That's fine too, we could do that." 

 

"Okay…" 

 

"Actually, we're coming over to your house later." 

 

"You are?" 

 

"Yeah, my mom told me this morning." 

 

"I see… but wait, isn't today a Tuesday?" 

 

"There's apparently going to be a public holiday tomorrow, so we don't have school." 

 

"Oh, okay." 

 

The next moment, awkward silence began filling the space around us. 

 

I thought it would be silent for the rest of the way home, but I was wrong, "Hey, are you enjoying this school?" 

 

"Huh?" I uttered in confusion. "What'd you say again?" 

 

"I asked if you were enjoying this school." 

 

"Ah, well… Uhm… it's been fine so far, I guess…." 

 

Honestly, this school is interesting, but… there are some aspects I can't get behind, like lunch break being fifty-five minutes long or how undisciplined people are during class due to how overwhelmingly loud they are. 

 

I want to say I am enjoying this school a lot, but the reality is that I'm not. I'm scared of people hurting me and me hurting them.

 

I'm afraid. That's why I feel lonely outside of classes. I don't have a friend; I don't have someone I can constantly talk to. 

 

That's why I appreciate Alisa's company so much… 

 

So much so that I made a deal with the devil just to hang out with her. 

 

I swore I'd suck up the loneliness and deal with it all alone, but I couldn't take it anymore. 

 

I wanted someone to talk to. 

I wanted someone willing to listen to me whenever I needed it. 

I wanted someone to praise me, honestly. 

 

I̷̧̧̟̫̪͖̹̹̭̜̓̀̃̊̑̄̓̌ͅt̸͇̑͜͜'̶̢̣̯̣͈͂͋͜s̶̺͚̬͎̥̭̰̜͔̙͒̈́̀̏̾̾̄͐ ̵̡̳̮͎̰̉̈́̍̾v̴̢͎̺͕̻͇̗̻̯̞̖̓̀̊́̀̒͒̍̈ͅȅ̷̢̥͚̖͉̙̩͈̬̜͒̃̇̈̈́̋̈́r̶͍̳̭̤̦̜̱͎̜̥̹͕̻̄͗͐̒͊͊́y̸͇͎̣̠͋̈́̓̾̋̀̆̒͝ ̴̝̹͍̈́̅̎͝s̴͎͍̘̏̅̉̓̆́̓̅̚͘͜é̵̙̼̐̄̈͌͆́̇̚͝l̴̰̲̱̻̗̬̻͌̎f̷̟̮̗̮̼̺̞͈̻͈̃͗͝i̷̗̠͎͕̙̺̘̭͖̰̞̙͒̒͒̐̓́̀̓͌͌̕͝͝s̸͇̮̓͐̄͐̊̾͗͑ͅh̷̢̛̹̘͕͖̯̯͗̐̊ ̶̧̹̯͓͆͛̾̍̓̏̋̓̐̂̅̉͘̚i̸̫̞̱̖̣͍̝̮̲͍͈̥̾̂̇̎̊͒̑̒͋͘͠ͅs̷̡̛̙̦͇̺̙̼̹̘̫̄̌͑͑͂̍̂̎͝ͅn̷̢̨̧̧͙̫̝̣̖̝̘̹̖͇̼̂̅̈́̔̐̉̒̉̾́̒̈́̓̓̚'̶̢̩̬̂͒̀̽͠t̶̡̨͖͕̞̙̮̔̀͐͋͆̑̂̅̀ ̶̧̩̳͈̖̗͔̠̰̅͐̔̇̊̀͋͊̏̂̽͌̊͐͂͜͜͜i̷̮͎͐͂̋̌̿t̸̲̮͔̍͆̇̇͝?̴̩͔̟̹̒͒͑̅̅̊͋̋͘ ̵͙̮̳͕̋̾̾̀̈́̎̒͝͠

 

"That's great, then… as long as you're enjoying it," Alisa said with a smile. 

But I'm not as S̴̬̳͇̞̝̹͍̣͆̏̌͒̈́̽͋͊ê̶͙̼̗͆͌l̵̡̛̠̘̈́͒f̵̢̡̟̣̿̏i̵̞͈̳̗̩̩͙̻͊̀̈́̀̒s̶͇̭͉͉̋̒̇́ḥ̴̮̪̘͖̅̎̈́ enough to do it immediately, so not yet. 

 

I can't reveal my true thoughts, feelings… and the person I am underneath this mask to Alisa. Not yet….

 

***

 

Several minutes after I walked Alisa home, I finally reached and returned to my house. 

 

As I stepped onto the front porch, I noticed that the door wasn't opened like it usually was whenever I'd get home.

 

"Is she out?" I muttered under my breath as I put down my backpack and pulled out the house key.

I pulled the screen open and inserted the key into the keyhole in the middle of the doorknob.

 

After twisting it to the right, I turned the key to the left with all my strength, and the door opened. 

 

I pulled out the key, returned it to my backpack, and went inside with bag in hand.

 

As I close the door behind me and walk towards the kitchen counter, I notice a woman nearly the same height as me, with medium-length black hair with reddish streaks all over tied up into a bun, wearing blue jeans and a striped long-sleeve shirt sitting on a stool next to the kitchen counter. 

 

This is my mother, Erina Arawi.  

 

"Ah, you're home," She says when she notices me enter. 

 

"Uhm," I meekly nodded in response as I put my bag on one of the stools and pulled out my water bottle. 

 

"How was school?" She asked. 

 

"I don't know…." I replied as I filled my water bottle with the water dispenser located next to the kitchen sink. 

 

"Did you already eat?"

 

"I don't know…." After my bottle was filled to the brim, I promptly closed the lid and placed it inside the fridge. "I'm going up," I announced as I grabbed my bag and headed into my room. 

 

This is always how my interaction with Mi goes; I refuse to divulge any unnecessary details to Mi and Pa. 

 

To be frank, other people who see us in public think we're a perfectly normal family with a normal familial relationship, but they're wrong. 

 

My relationship with them is very strained as is. 

 

The reason for that is how I used to act.  

 

 

Ḿ̵̬̭̖̅̑͗́̅̕͜ͅy̴̡̨̰̝̤̪͈̫̭͂̓̓̒̾̓̈́̃͂̊͜͝ ̸̧̡̡͙͓̻̠̳̬̃̂̊̀̏s̸̡̞̠͙̙͍̬̩̠̤̩̠͚̞̄̐̉̓̀͑̽͒̇̈́̋͌͝e̶̱̲̪̲̹̅̎̋̉̑̌͊́l̴̢̼̬͓̦͉͛̍̈́̃͠f̴̻̝̏̈̓͗̊͊̂ĩ̸̢̨͍̱̞̹̤̻̹͕̓ŝ̵̢̭̱͕̽̐̏̊̈͆̐h̸̙̞̬͖̣͎̜̯̞̬͈͓́̇̓n̸̢̝͕̞͉̙̪̹̟͌e̷͉̳̹̞̰̟̋̓͋͌͠s̶̡̧̖̫̯̲̫̙̘̝̘̈́̉́̌̌̑̊̔͂̒̎̃͐ş̶̢̡͓̗̥̼͛̇́̀͊̐̐̎̐̕̕̕͠͝ ̴̢̡̝̲̥̃͋̋̋́́̓͂̽̎̕͝c̴̢̟̘̣̟̭̖̜̳̗̣̏̔́̾̋̅̐̓͜a̴̧̧͓͔͎̙̝̖͔͍̘͊͂̓͛̉͒̍̆͊̀̾͜͠u̸͙͔͑̍̓̂̄͑͛̉́̔̔͠s̷̺̦̫̥̝͙̱̙͙̟͑́̏̓̏̌̅͜e̸͙̙͕̬̔͂̇̓͗̄̒̓̈̔͋͆͠ḍ̴̬̱̼͖͉̱͛̿͋̄̍̎̄̊̔̽ ̶̡̧̜̼̳̫̥̜̼͇͍̟̺̈́̈̍͋̋̌t̵̛͍͇̪͇̠͇͑̀̾̇̈́͋́̊͌͘͜͝h̶͎̑̈́̈́́̀̈́͋̌̌̾̉̾̉̚͝e̵͉̬̞̩̣̩͑́͂̾͛͆́̿͌̃͘m̴̛͖̥̞̘̰̂̏̉̔́̐̀̓̅̓͛̏́͝ ̴̛̥͙̻͆̐̈́̇̐͑͆̅t̵͎̪͓̭̤̫͎͙̉̎͑̓r̶̢̨̝̬͙̠̤̘͚̈́̇̀̽̈́͒ǫ̴̫̙̝̗̝̮̪͎̦͚̺͊ȗ̴̡̪̬͇̲͍̩́́͛͆̍̎̔́̊̐̀͊b̷̙̩͂̈́̒̈́̉l̴̘̺̙̰̜͎͖̫̟̞͕̥͛̿̉͑̃̾̀́̋̕͠ͅę̷̝̙̠͈̼̻͎͓͌͂̎̎̔̔̎͌̽̎̚͘̕.̸̨̢̛̼̻̫̫͉͎͉̘̞͔̘̈́̂͋̆͜ͅ ̴̧̛̘̖̦̥̪̟̇̽̏́̍̒̓̀̌̔̑͆̕

 

I was a bratty and spoiled kid… and maybe I still am. 

 

I want to apologize, but… I'm scared. I'm afraid of what they're going to say. Even though I feel so guilty about everything I've done to them, the trouble I caused them. 

 

I can't apologize. 

 

That's why even though I know they still love me and trying their best for me. I can't accept their love. 

 

I don't deserve it. 

 

And so, our strained relationship will always remain the same. 

 

N̷̥̩̭͓̒̽̍̉ͅơ̵̩̥͜ţ̸̠̞͓͗́͜h̸̨̦̖̀̇͝i̵̛̦̱̮̍́̕͠n̸̪̪̆̓͒̾͜͝ģ̶̝̼̜̰̽̓ ̷̛̼̠͉̭̝͂̓w̸̲̚i̴̡̨͉̺͌̉ḽ̷̥͎̻̩͋l̷̨̻̽͑͂ ̵͕̑̋̊͝c̶̯̬̟͝h̶͇͚̍͋͆a̴̢̮̞̜̎n̵̳͉͓̺͋̏g̷̤̩̝̥͑̈́͠e̵̡̨̥̻̖͋͐̒̎͝.̶̡̭̉̔ ̴̣̘͍̹̅̂̈st yet. 

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