Chapter 9: 2019 (Age 27)

Kevin Kev Kevie Katie bought a womens jumper.

26 Jan 2019:
There was a unisex (okay, female) jumper, but it was in the men’s section in the op shop that I was admiring. It’s light blue and says “love” on it. Guess what? I bought it, and I’m wearing it in public right now. Well, I’m at uni and it’s dark, and I’m hiding in that grassy area behind the carpark, so the only people who are going to notice me are probably too busy going to their cars, but in any case, I’m wearing it. I’m also wearing a bra underneath (stuffed with socks), a bracelet made of brown beads, a butterfly broach, and a subtle necklace with green and blue beads that remind me of fruit / berries.

Would love to pour my heart out right now, but the bus is about to come, so I better head off before I have to walk (which wouldn’t be great considering I’ve just shaved my legs, and don’t want to get chafing).

Love,
Katie.
I am a girl.

Katie bought womens shoes.

23 Feb 2019:
I bought some new shoes. They were bought from the women’s shoe section, although other than the bright light blue insides they look like gender-neutral grey runners. I’m also wearing a bright light blue t-shirt (again, women’s section, but could pass as gender neutral), and some jeggings (jean leggings, which could pass as gender neutral jeans so long as no-one thinks too hard about why they cling to my legs). I’m also wearing my black girl undies (although that’s nothing new). The implication is that I’m wearing girl clothes, although can still pass as male if I run into anyone I know. Sadly, everyone still thinks I’m male, so it seems that clothes alone are not enough for a gender change -- I’ll have to start working on my face.

Oooh, also, I applied nail polish to my toe-nails today!

Katie bought a womens skirt. Although it was a bit awkward trying it on in the men's change rooms.

6 Jul 2019:
Today I wore a skirt in public for the first time. I headed to the op shop early so that I had time to buy a cute pleated skirt and stripy blue skivvy. Afterwards, I headed to uni, took a shower, and shaved my body. I put it on in the change rooms, but someone came in, so I tried to hide it by sitting down, placing my bags around me, and draping a pair of pants on top.

By this time it was dark outside, so I left through the main entrance. I tried to take some photos using my phone’s self-timer, but even with the flash they came up dark and blurry. So I gave up and started walking towards the park.

After a few moments standing near the bridge and looking out to a crescent moon above a small stream, I decided I wanted to wear the skirt to Hungry Jacks. I considered whether it was appropriate. I decided that it was, as I was not hurting anyone. “I make my own future” I told myself. I practiced saying “a large vegan burger meal with sugar free coke” to make sure I was ready (I decided that asking for the free student large upgrade would be too complex given the general awkwardness of the situation).

“Nothing bad is going to hurt me” I told myself (remembering some advice I heard in a TV episode about how to prevent panic attacks -- not that I was likely to have one). I just hoped that no-one from work or my family would be there. When I walked into Hungry Jacks I saw a family with young kids (not anyone that I knew) having a meal in the offside room. Furthermore, there was a queue of 3 people. Not ideal.

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I waited in line. I heard the kids talking -- I was relieved that it seemed to be something to do with their meal, and nothing to do with me. In fact, the fact that I was wearing a skirt didn’t seem to bother anyone (not that I was prepared to look anyone in the face to check).

I took my meal and sat down (out of sight of the family). I felt the bench against my butt (don’t worry -- I was wearing underwear). I had thought that the skirt would be long enough to add a layer between my butt and the seat, but apparently not. Was I wearing the skirt wrong? I’d have to look up how to sit in a skirt afterwards.

I collected my meal when it was ready and decided to head back to the university to eat my meal at the central campus building. It was mostly empty, if anyone saw me in my skirt, I doubt they cared. The pleats of my skirt felt so comfy, the blend of my shirt colours felt so cute. I all just felt right. I never wanted to change back into pants again.

And here I am. It was great. I love my new skirt.

Katie thought about starting hormones and what that would mean long-term. Although, thinking about the future was hard. All the effects of estrogen sounded good to Katie, but surely there must be some downsides otherwise all guys would take it.

16 Nov 2019:
I want estrogen.

I’m still not sure whether I truly want to become a woman: obviously I would like to be a sexy girl rather than the ugly man/guy I currently am, but I’m still unsure between a wrinkly old woman over a wrinkly old man. In any case though, the effects of HRT/estrogen (that I recall off the top of my head) all seem good to me: less body hair (yep, definitely want that!), less testosterone (definitely don’t want stupid testosterone hormones interfering with my decision process), lower libido (yes please), and development of (small) breasts (would definitely help with cross-dressing). I guess I should look into it more thoroughly though -- I’m guessing there must be some downsides though, nearly all drugs (in the medical sense) have some form of side-effect.

Katie felt… kind of sexy.

23 Nov 2019:
Oh god. I feel so sexy in these clothes. When I stretch, my belly button (and smooth skin) shows. I seriously wanna just fuck myself. Keep it together girl

 

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