Chapter 4: Chapter 1 : A Fair Cow

[Tuesday, March 26, 2019]

“He’s gone.” A tone so brittle, deprived of sensation sent him into a cold sweat, as though a gun was held to his head.

“Huh? What do you mean gone? Where is he?”

And from the other line, so came that despicable peace and quiet, one defeated by a stifled gasp for air. Beeps shortly made him pull the cell phone away as if to ensure that sudden disappearance was false.

“Eh? The hell?! He hung up! Is this a joke or something?!” Wide-eyed, he turned to his friend.

She took a step closer, her breaths slow and even. “What is it, Nobuyuki?”

“It’s Kae~chan’s brother! I asked about him and he said he’s gone! What does that even mean? There’s no way! U-unless… unless he meant traveled or something. You think he meant that? He definitely did, right?... R-right, Haru?”

"Hmm, I don’t think so.”

His shell-shocked gaze then caught her leaning against a street lamp without a care in the world.

‘How could you be that calm with news like this, Haru~chan?’ Nobuyuki thought. And even when he’d usually not mince any word, he swept it under the rug.

A particular ringing played in his mind, yet again showed to be a made-up image, one refuted by the voicemail’s sound.

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me! This has to be a joke! I swear I texted him like yesterday! His brother’s humor is sick! Seriously, who jokes about someone’s death? That’s insane!” He clasped his hands together and hastened, outpacing her. “Let’s just go see for ourselves. I’m sure we’ll find him in the kitchen, making us dessert or trying a new recipe!”

Or perhaps taking shelter under his weather-beaten blanket.

No! No, It’s a joke. It’s a prank. Nothing happened. He’s okay. Everything is all right.

—

Nobuyuki smiled from ear to ear when spotting an elderly opening her door. His lips parted, speech-disposed, yet shortly were immobilized by her swollen eyes.

“Ka… Kae~chan’s here, right?” he questioned with a fabricated beam while twisting the bracelets around his wrist.

She rested against the door. “He’s… n-no longer with us.” Audible anguish inhabited that tone as these wrinkled and sun-spotted hands clenched onto her grandson’s shawl.

“N-no! No, you’re lying! I swear he texted me yesterday!... Just let me see him, okay?” Nobuyuki stormed inside, making way into the kitchen. “That’s not funny! I know he’s… Still here…” But the hollow ground toned down his voice.

Kaede is not dead.

“He’s in his room, right?” His feet led the way without let or hindrance. “Awh, Kae~chan! Come out, I got you a gift! I got you… something… something you’ll like…”  

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A cruel heartburn and a bitter taste claimed the life of his diction, for nothing existed in that room but what ruins his friend’s war evoked, the ruins which he never thought would perceive to be unkind.

There remained his empty bed, the stacked books and pieces of vinyl over that desk, even a distinctive smell, a warm and tender scent—his scent—which now became a thorn in Nobuyuki’s flesh.

‘Get out! Leave this room! Leave and catch your breath, catch it and collect yourself! His soul will linger in the land of the dead, bearing a gloomy existence, but he’ll be fine. Everything will be okay, so don’t let this lie heavy on your mind!’ He thought, wiping his teary eyes.

It’s too late anyhow. It’s too late to make amends. It’s too late to see the error of his ways now.

He withdrew from that reversal of fortune, still keeping a beady eye on each one around.

Mourning mustn’t attend, not when everyone needs his energy. But then again, staying any longer would throw him onto a slippery ground, one flooded with memories.

—

“You good?” Haruka’s voice intruded upon his quick steps.

He turned around, soundless yet wide-eyed, a carbon copy of a loose cannon with that outlined smile.

She has long since been accustomed to that, his bulged eyes, the ones hungry for anything, despite how insignificant. It was a matter she’d never relate to, especially with hers being conflicting, distinct to his eyes like night and day are, or more accurately failure and success.

But even so, she could tell, at the foot of that unstable expression, a mournful one found refuge.

Nobuyuki smoothed his hair. “Can I stay over today? If I see gramps right now, I swear I’ll snap at him.”

She nodded, and in her mind’s eye shared his sorrow with a pat on the back. 

He observed the sky, and with such secrecy and quietness falling between them, its luminous spots started to feel more captivating. Only, their radiance brought one thing to mind, one thing which put the cuffs on his feet. His shoulders, for once, turned slump, overlooking even that brightness.

Nobuyuki took out something from his pocket when a whimper suddenly echoed in the quiet alley. “I-It’s his birthday today. Ironic, isn’t it?... I made him an album with our… With our favorite songs. It was also supposed to be… a-an apology.”

Haruka stood there, not overly warm or attentive to his feelings, lacking all means of comfort that one may offer. An activity took place in her mind, and even when it was inferior near Nobuyuki’s worth, she could not ignore it. No consideration existed for his emotions, but only to finding a logical way of handling them.

‘Sometimes I am embarrassed by my ability to comfort others, especially the people I care about.’ She thought, taking a step away, having an irrational disappearing trick as her goal.

He shoved the album back in his pocket, dodging every thought. “Y-yeah, whatever… Th-things happen, I guess. He… He’s in a better place now, right?... Well, let’s go watch a movie or something! Mourning won’t do us any good!”

Us? No, not us.

It won’t do HIM any good. It will only make things worse. He does not want to face it, nor experience it. It will go away soon. It definitely will.

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