Chapter 119: Chapter 117: Disorder?

Peering gazing at the window of the hospital, silently contemplating the dream I just had, the shock of the things that happened to me is still fresh in my mind. I had a long dream about myself, about the truth of what happened to me—The day where my life went downhill.

I’m all alone in the hospital room, as after I woke up, I washed up my face and saw my complexion in the mirror, reflecting my feelings. The only thing inside my heart right now was sadness and an inexplicable emotion. For once, I’m thankful that I remembered the trauma and the cause of my disarray, understanding the root cause of everything.

What day is it anyway?

After remembering it, bit by bit, I started recalling more of my missing memories, but not all of them. Remarkably, instead of reverting back, I became more revitalized as if I reached enlightenment of some sort because, despite the cruel experience; I stop mulling over and fearing those memories, but instead, I created a new goal that I must fulfill, no matter how many years it will take—Finding Sayuki-nee.

Also, I need to talk things out with Shiori and what happened to her. Perhaps also, to find her sister’s whereabouts to pay for what she did to me. Right now, instead of fearing her, the burning anger inside my chest whenever I try to recall her face.

“Haaa...” I sighed heavily.

“What do I need to do now? Do I need to focus on searching for Sayuki-nee or do I need to focus on myself first? Things may change from now on, but first, I need to fix a lot of things.”

Then I felt a gag reflex, which I immediately went into the bathroom and started vomiting on the toilet. After a while, it finally subsided, so I washed my face in the sink once again. And saw how worse my complexion is right now. However, I went back to my bed and acted as if nothing happened while waiting for somebody to enter.

Waiting for a while, I then saw the door smoothly opening. The person who opened it was Yuki. Tears are dripping out of her beautiful face when our gazes met—I showed her a delicate smile. Yuki then walked over and sat beside my bed.

“Are you fine now?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I stroked her head.

“Are feeling unwell, anywhere? How about your head? Chest?? Tell me, so I can tell it to Izumi-sensei.”

“Silly, I’m fine. Do I look like I’m enduring something?”

“I know you, Tatsuya. You always keep things to yourself.”

“I’m not. How many times do I need to tell you, I’m fine? Even if you ask me thousand times repeatedly, my answer will be the same.” I chuckled while pinching her cheeks.

“No matter how many times it takes, I’ll keep asking you the same question over and over. I will annoy you until you answer me truthfully.”

“Yes, yes milady. I’ll be glad to accept that offer of yours. Anyhow, where are the others?”

“I-I haven’t told them yet.”

“Oh, I see... What time is it anyway?”

“It’s 2 o’clock midnight. After what happened earlier, we rushed to the hospital and called Izumi-sensei.”

“So, Izumi-sensei’s at her office right now?”

“Yeah.” Yuki lowered her gaze.

“Okay, I’ll go talk to her first and don’t tell the other yet or probably just don’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’ll only cause a huge uproar for them—Plus, it’s not even that bad. I’ll tell you later, but I need to go to Izumi-sensei’s office to question her about something. Wait here.”

I got up from the bed and wore the hospital slippers, but Yuki grabbed my arms.

“Where are you going?! You’re not fine at all! Please, don’t act rashly... Please...” Tears drip out of her face.

“I’m fine, it’s related to my condition, so rest assured. I can handle it. Stay here.” I took off the hand of Yuki from my arm and kiss her on the forehead. Soon after that, I left the room leaving Yuki all alone in there, then I head to Izumi-sensei’s office.

At the front door of her office, I knocked a few times before I heard Izumi-sensei’s voice.

“Enter.”

I opened the door and saw Izumi-sensei leisurely sitting on her chair. But upon seeing me, she made a surprised expression. “What are you doing here, Tatsuya?”

“Oh, I need to talk to you about something, Izumi-sensei. It’s important.” I casually entered and sat on the couch.

“This late? Can’t you wait until tomorrow?”

“But you went to the hospital even though it’s late at night?”

“This and that are different, Tatsuya. You’re my patient and it’s an emergency.” Izumi-sensei was quite pissed. She stood and was about to call the nurse. But she halted when she heard what I said.

“Sorry, but I really need to talk this about. I remembered everything.”

“What do you mean?” Izumi-sensei squinted her eyes at me.

“I remembered my trauma—Everything that happened to me. Just everything.”

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The emergency session that I requested went on for hours, as I told Izumi-sensei everything that had happened to me. Although she already knew what happened with Naoki, she still expressed anger and disgust when I told her about it—It’s just her honest emotions showing which’s honestly the first time I’m seeing. I’d never expected Izumi-sensei to show her utter, honest emotions. Or perhaps it’s because it’s midnight.

Then it continued until I shared the story of what actually happened to me, from the days of my torment and what happened in the end. Throughout that, a tremendous relief came out of my chest, as if it was waiting for this chance—The heavy sensation of my chest, finally was no more.

Throughout that, I didn’t stutter nor feel sad—I told everything that’s been inside my chest all out loud without showing any emotions. I don’t know what happened... I just kept telling Izumi-sensei all about my experiences and the fear that I felt going through that.

I’ve been through a lot these past years, at the early stage of my life. I experienced various kinds of things that a few people can endure. But I’m here standing trying to overcome everything with all my power.

“That’s all that I remembered.”

“Aren’t you remembering everything too fast?”

“That’s what I told to myself too. My brain can’t stop pumping out memories inside my brain, like trying to kill me with overflowing information until it explodes.”

“It’s too abnormal. Regardless of how hard I think over your condition—It makes little sense. The recovery rate of your memories and everything about is way too abnormal. I understand that you’re born with a fascinating brain, but it all doesn’t match at all.”

“How can you act all normal even though you just remembered everything? Aren’t you feeling nauseated? Headache? Panic attacks?”

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“Actually, I just got one earlier. But, I had a gag reflex and vomited in the bathroom earlier.”

“What happened next?”

“Nothing happened. I went back to normal.”

It made Izumi-sensei scratch her head.

“Let me process all of it first, give me a few seconds.”

I nodded.

After a few seconds. “What else do you remember?”

“That I would always argue with Naoki about everything while Yuki will always her side, no matter what—”

“Not that...”

Izumi-sensei added. “Anyway, what are you going to do now?”

“Haah... Live my life first and monitor my condition until I can be sure that I’m all good. Then finish some unfinished business with someone and find someone who went missing because of my fault.”

“I don’t know what to say as of right now. But, I wanted to tell you about staying here for a few months or so—That won’t work right?”

“Yep.” I nodded.

“Hm... Don’t tell me dissociative identity disorder?”

“What the... Are you telling me that I have multiple personalities?”

“That’s the only plausible option of observing you. The aura you completely changed, as if you become a different person from the way you talk and carry yourself, pretty much everything about you.”

“Haah... This is my true self... Sensei...”

“It’s only a conjecture.”

“If I really have dissociative identity disorder, I wouldn’t remember anything that happened between me and you nor I would remember you.”

“That’s true.”

"I will insist on you staying here. No matter what happens. Sorry, Tatsuya. But as your doctor and my patient, I can't discharge you yet."

Thinking of ways inside my head, I felt my phone over my pocket. It might turn our relationship sour, but—No, I won't ever use blackmail. I was planning on baiting Izumi-sensei then kissing her in the cheeks and taking a picture of it. Yes, it's not really a concrete material to use but I can't bring myself to go overboard. I just can't. Since she helped me in many ways. Even just having these thoughts left some bitter taste in my mouth.

Then I resorted to drastic measures where I kneeled and planted my forehead on this carpet flooring. "Please, sensei! I'm begging you! I just really need to move freely and search for the answers that I'm looking for! I promise that if I ever feel anything or if ever feel my condition worsening. I'll tell your first hand. I assure you!"

"Don't do this to me, Tatsuya. My answer is firm. I can't let you do it. That will violate the regulations and my conscience. There are things that you need to be patient with, Tatsuya. What matters right now is your well-being."

"Please! Give me a month! I feel like—"

"You can finally get yourself?"

"Y-Yes..."

"My answer would still be no."

"How about this? A month. Give me a month. Only a month, I just need to sort things out. And also, you can tell the old man but not my parents."

"Old man? Hatsumi-dono? No."

"Wait, what if because of this, my condition would go on an upward trajectory from now on? You know, because I'm finally able to meet the people from my past? I can't always run away." 

"No."

"A week. Please. I'll do everything! Even if you open my brains out, I won't care!"

Izumi-sense flinches upon hearing my words. "Haa... A week. Okay."

"Eh? You'll do some experiments on me?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"I'll go into further details with Hatsumi-dono about this matter. For now, I'll let you off but once he rejects the idea. I'll force you back in here, okay?"

"Eh? Why are you asking for gramps permission when you're the doctor?"

"Because. You. Won't. Listen. To me. I can't really handle this part of you. And as your doctor, I can only decide logically, but this time... I don't know. Haah... Just go on."

Then I approached giving her a kiss on her cheeks.

“Tatsuya!”

“It’s my appreciation kiss. Thank you, Sensei!”

And, I left the office.

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Author Notes: I decided to take this approach than a realistic one since that one will take too long before the story would even progress.

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