GOD OF CARDS [DECK BUILDING] [LITRPG] [COMEDY]

Chapter 34: Chapter: 34 Crystal Palace


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“You snuck in like a thief and killed the guardian of the moat,” said the Captain of the Guard. “Bel, if this was your first offense you would be imprisoned for life but as it is your second offense your sentence will need to be more severe.”

“But I'm your daughter,” said Bel.

“You are no daughter of mine. You were a mistake, one I should have corrected long ago.” The Captain gestured at a woman dressed in green robes. “Subdue them.”

The robed woman raised her hands and rings of light radiated out of her palms and surrounded each of us. My knees gave out under me and strong hands caught me as I fell.


I woke up to the sound of an iron gate slamming shut. I fumbled around and the first thing I noticed was that my spellbag was missing. The second thing I noticed was the smell. It was the trinity of bad odors, rotting flesh, piss and shit.

I was in a prison cell. It was tiny, suffocating and covered in all the filth that a human body could produce. Words were scrawled on the narrow walls with bloody fingernails. I squinted at the letters and read a vivid description of a prisoner’s detailed descent into madness.   

I walked over to a small barred window that let in just enough light to reveal just how shit the cell really was. There was a hole in the floor which didn't need investigating and a pile of straw in the corner that was probably meant as a bed. 

I need to get checked for lice when I get out of here.

As I got closer to the straw I noticed a patch of reddish tangled hair sticking out of it. I said, “Is anybody in there?” 

Apart from my  words echoing around the room in a maddening sound there was no response. 

What if it's a dead body or worse what if it's alive?

I nudged the head with my foot and there was still no response. 

I bent down and as I was about to tug on the hair the straw stirred and a hoarse voice croaked, “Are you here to end my suffering?” 

I backed away from the speaker and tripped and fell over backwards landing in a puddle of piss.  

The straw fell away as a gray skinned elderly man dressed in an assortment of rags sat up. His head, a tangled mess of red hair, failed to hide the twin stumps of what used to be horns on his head. 

They threw me in with a demon. There’s no chance I'm sleeping tonight.

The demon smiled a lopsided grin and I noticed a bleeding lip, missing teeth and the dark pits that had once been his eyes. 

“Who are you?” I asked.

“You can call me Cobb,” said the man. “That's what the other's called me.” 

He bunched up a small stack of straw and laid his head on it. 

“If you're not here to kill me then wake me up when lunch is served, I'm starving.”

A cockroach crawled over my hand and I flicked the insect off and suppressed a shiver that ran down my spine.

“Is there a way out of here?”

Cobb waved for silence and I saw that his fingers had all been amputated.

“This is a mistake,” I said. “I really need to get out of here.”

Cobb stretched casually and through the holes in his shirt I could see the demon was startlingly thin and his gray skin was crosshatched in thousands of cuts in various stages of healing.

“Don't you worry,” he said. “I've been in my fair share of prisons and this one’s not half bad. Food is great when they decide to serve it, the cockroaches make loyal friends, and don't get me started on the refreshing breeze.”

The breeze, this guy is fucking crazy. This is no Holiday inn, this is where people go to die. 

“Why would they keep a demon in prison?” I asked.  

“For their experiments,” he said.

That made a twisted sort of sense.

“They are still trying to make super soldiers,” I said. “I'm guessing they left you with at least one limb.”

The demon scratched the cave-like pit that used to be his left eye and said, “You’re a smart one. The last one was smart too.”

I didn't want to know what happened to the last one.

“So they keep you around to impregnate fairies for their hybrid army.” I cocked my head and looked at the mutilated demon. “You get to have sex all day, that can't be a bad life.”

“You must be young,” said Cobb. “So I will forgive you your foolishness.” His hollow eyes turned to me. “No person weather human, fairy or demon would see a life of forced sex as being a good life. I pray every day that I will die.” His cracked lips spread in a sad smile. “But us demons are cursed with frighteningly long lives.” 

“You could starve yourself,” I said and then I realized just how insensitive that must have sounded.

“Easier said than done, young man. When I get too hungry survival mode takes over and I can't help but eat.”

I realized that I was still sitting in pee so I stood up and walked over to the window. “I'm sorry, I wish I could help you.”

“Put me out of my misery or let me sleep,” he yawned and rolled over onto his side. “At least in my dreams I am free.”


Ahri POV

Ahri felt two people holding her up and dragging her across a smooth floor down a corridor that never seemed to end. 

Outstretched hands reached out to her from either side of the corridor. Men and women shouted, cursed and pleaded for help from anyone who’d listen. Ahri could help them, she couldn't even help herself.

Her captors came to a halt. A key clanged against iron and a gate swung open. 

“You’re going to regret breaking into our palace,” said a guard. “We’ll make sure of that.”

They tossed her into the cell and she landed heavily on her chest. A guard locked the door and turned to his companion and said, “It's time to fetch the demon, he has work to do.”

Ahri figured that she might never get a chance like this again. The keys were right in front of her. She got up and while the guards were distracted she transformed her clothes. Her sleeves extended like twin serpents and slithered through the bars and wrapped around the guards’ necks. 

She didn't like the idea of killing these people. She had seen enough death recently but if it came to them or her she’d choose her every time. She pulled them back against the iron bars and tightened her grip until the gurgling noises seized and their legs stopped twitching.


Talasin POV

An hour later a pair of guards carrying clubs arrived to fetch Cobb.

“Get up you sack of crap,” said a guard. “Time to work for your food.”

I got up quickly and shook the gates, “Let me out,” I shouted. “I've done nothing wrong.”

The guards opened the gate and the largest one pushed me against the wall and pressed his club against my throat. 

The second guard drew a vial of liquid from his uniform pocket and uncorked it. He held it to Cobb’s mouth and said, “Don't resist.”

Cobb twisted his head and strained against the guard’s grip but the man pin his head down effortlessly.

I couldn't let them do this to him. He might have been a demon but I couldn't stand back and watch. I raised my leg and kneed the guard in the groin as he fell down and jumped on top of him and punched him in the face. 

The second released Cobb and kicked me off of his partner and two guards proceeded to beat the crap out of me with their club. 

When they got bored of pounding me they turned back to Cobb and forced open his mouth. Through one swollen eye I watched as they poured the liquid down his throat and then massaged his neck until he swallowed it all.

“Let's go,” said a guard. “The captain’s waiting.”


I was still twitching in the corner when the sound of iron against iron alerted me. The cell’s gate opened and a tall guard stepped towards me. Boots thudded on cold stone. For so long I’d been too afraid to kill another person but I was starting to realize that there was a time for everything and today was the right time to kill.

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Make this count Talasin, you only get one shot at it. 

The guards boots came into view and I spun around, my leg sweeping their feet from under them. As the guard hit the ground I wrapped my legs around their neck and squeezed.

Hands pounded on my legs but still I squeezed.

“Fuck you,” I said. “You deserve to die, you all do.”

The guard let out a low choking sound and managed to say a single word, “Talasin.”

It was a woman’s voice.

“Ahri?” 

I released my hold and turned around and looked down at her face. Her eyes had rolled back into her head and her face was blue.

“Oh no, oh no, fuck, what have I done.”

I pressed on her chest the way I’d seen them do in movies and just as I was about to breath into her mouth she coughed, spluttered and gasped for air.

“You asshole you almost killed me.”

“I'm sorry,” I said. “But you’re the one sneaking in here dressed like a guard.”

She massaged her neck and said, “Talasin, why is it that each time I leave you, you end up smelling like piss?”

I looked down at my soaked clothes and said, “It's a long story.”

“Let's get out of here,” said Ahri. “There’s some crazy shit going on. I just saw a demon being carried down the passage. I don't want to know what these fairies are up to.” 

I stuck my head out of the prison cell and looked down the corridors and said, “Which way did they go?” 


I knocked and a guard opened the door a crack and peered out, looking Ahri and I up and down. Ahri still wore the clothes she’d transformed into a guards uniform and I was still wet and piss soaked.

“Found this one wandering around the passages,” said Ahri in her most commanding voice.

“Well, take him back to his cell,” said the guard. “We’re busy right now.”

I don't have time for this stealth mission bullshit. They could be torturing Cobb right now or worse.

The guard looked back into the room and at that moment I kicked the door into his head. He fell back and followed him into the room. While he was still trying to figure out what the hell had just happened I drew his sword. 

“This is why we do it my way,” said Ahri.

The Captain of the Guard and two of her guards all wearing plate mail and brandishing long swords turned to face us.

I looked past them and saw the demon Cobb standing beside a bed still with shackles on his arms and legs. Behind him lying on a bed was the small form of Bel. 

I pointed my sword at the Captain and said, “How could you do this to your daughter?” 

The Captain clenched her jaws and raised her sword. 

“Only the strong have the right to determine their own fate,” she said. “In this my daughter’s life gains purpose. She is incredibly powerful but her magic is unreliable. She might give birth to a child that can control that power. That would turn the tide of war in our favor and save thousands of lives.”

“You don't get to decide that,” I said and before I even finished speaking the captain shot forward and thrust the tip of her sword at my stomach. 

The Weapons’ Mastery skill kicked in and I raised my sword instinctively and barely deflected the blow in time. 

The Captain jumped back landing on the balls of her feet and scattering debris in all directions. 

From the corner of my eye I saw Ahri fighting a second guard but there was no way I could help her. I blinked and when my eyes opened again the Captain was already closing the distance. Her sword raised high ready for an overhead strike. 

I lifted the sword to block the attack but her sword stroke didn't come and I grunted in pain as she kicked me in the stomach instead. I staggered back and she followed up her kick with a downward slash at my chest. I dodged a moment too late and her blade sliced across my side instead. 

Blood ran down my side and I shouted through gritted teeth, “Bel! Use Spell Roulette!”

The tiny Hell’s Pixie Girl stammered, “I can't. What if it hurts you?”

“Just do it,” I yelled, “Or we are all dead.” 

Ahri streaked by pushing the two guards against the wall. The Captain turned from me to face her daughter. At that moment Bel squeezed her hands together and power radiated from her.

The lamps in the room flickered and went out and the room turned to darkness.

“What’s happening?” cried the Captain.

Green light filled the room as green flaming horns appeared on Bel’s head. I saw Ahri deal the killing blow to the second guard who fell at her feet beside his companion.

Bel’s hands clenched into fists as she said, “You are my mother. You were supposed to love me and protect me from harm.” 

Tiny green flames swirled around the bed and the sheets began to burn. 

“I came to you for help,” Bel continued. “And you’d destroy me.”

The wind rushed around the room and green flames burst out of the lamps and ran up the walls and criss crossed the ceiling.

“Stop this,” shouted the Captain as she raised her sword and pointed it at her daughter. 

The green fire spread across the bed and Cobb shouted as he burst into flames. I tried to help the demon but the fire was so intense that it buffeted my advance.

But the Captain was stronger than me. She pushed off with her heels and lunged at her daughter faster than my eye could follow- but not fast enough. Cobb, immersed in flames, got there first and the Captain’s sword plunged into his stomach.

She tried to pull back but Cobb, still screaming in pain, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in closer till her sword came out of his back and the green flames engulfed them both. The Captain tried to break free but Cobb roared and held on tight. Right until the end he never let go. 

Eventually the flames died down and the two bodies were left entwined together. They formed a single charred statue. The Captain's face frozen in screams of agony and Cobb’s caught in a lopsided grin for all eternity.


Ahri pulled Bel and I out of the room. I covered Bel in my jacket and undid her bounds as Ahri searched the bodies for my spellbag. She found it eventually on the charred remains of the captain. 

“Are you ok?” I asked Bel.

She sobbed and nodded slowly and then she said in a tiny voice, “You guys came back for me.”

“Of course we did,” I said.  “You’re family now and family looks out for each other.” 

Bel threw her arms around Ahri and I and we held her tight. 

“Can you bind me now?” she asked. “And take me away from this place.”

I looked at Ahri and she nodded. So I placed a binding card in Bel’s hands and watched as the light bathed her skin. 

* Binding Complete

* Congratulations you have bound: Hell’s Pixie Girl

I took Ahri and Bel’s hands and said, “Let's go home.”


Acquired Spell Card: Hell’s Pixie Girl

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