If I Can't Be Your Wife
***
***
“Delafos?”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
Alsdorf added an explanation.
“Madame told me to donate 180 custard pies to the Temple of Delafos. And in order to arrive before tea time, they’ll have to leave now.”
“…..”
“Shall I tell her that it’s impossible?”
“No. Go ahead.”
Alexis moved the quill that had stopped and lowered his gaze to the paper.
“I understand, my Lord.”
As soon as Alsdorf left the office, Viscount Rylent asked.
“Your Grace, why are you sending someone to Delafos, isn’t Madame trying to find the priest too?”
“That’s right.”
“Then you have to block it! If they’re protecting him in the temple, he’ll definitely try to contact the Madame.”
“Leave it.”
Alexis handed him the document after the last signature. Viscount Rylent carefully said as he cleared up the pile of documents.
“His Highness the Crown Prince is also looking for the priest, what if we don’t find him first?”
“What does that have to do with it?”
“Of course, measures must be taken before he could approach Madame…”
“The important thing is finding out whether he’s alive or dead. I’ll think about what to do after that. Get out.”
Viscount Rylent, who bowed his head with a confused face, soon left the office.
Alexis sighed briefly.
He said he didn’t care about it, but in reality he did.
Alexis was afraid. Kathleen will leave him as soon as she finds Luciano’s father, the priest. He was scared that she would.
No, he was sure that she would.
Once she finds out that he was alive, she would leave without looking back.
Even though he knew that, he couldn’t tell them to stop searching or to kill him as soon as they found him. Even though the thought crossed his mind, his heart suddenly sank when he remembered Kathleen reaching out of the window that night.
She said she didn’t intend to jump, but Alexis couldn’t believe it. If her hand let go of the curtain at that moment, she would have fallen right away. She could abandon her life with her own hands at any time she wished.
Just thinking about that night made him breathless. If Kathleen had said that she would give up her child to run away from this life, then he really wouldn’t be able to hold on to her.
‘Let’s put her at a distance where I can see her with my own eyes.’
Alexis wanted to find Joseph. As long as he [Alexis] was alive, he would never let her live as the wife of a peasant priest who broke the law, but since he was the father of the child, he intended to let him keep his life and bring him to Delafos.
He unlocked the drawer and weighed the remaining medicine. Until then, it seemed like it would be enough.
‘I can’t let you die.’
Alexis’ plans were different from before. Three years ago, he was undecided, but after much consideration, he now had an answer. Kathleen would be excluded from the destruction of Trivellian he dreamed of. And……….
As he remembered the plump hand that held out a leaf to him with a bright smile, his heart started beating strangely.
Kathleen’s child.
The child she had with another man. When he first learned of his existence, he had the urge to throw him out, but not anymore.
Perhaps because the child had his mother’s eyes, Alexis felt particularly helpless in front of the child. So Alexis was going to put the child in the exclusion list.
‘Yes, that’s all.’
Alexis unconsciously grabbed his chest.
***
Kathleen looked closely at the blade of the butterknife. Very fine crystals formed.
When she tried it in the bedroom or kitchen, it didn’t even feel cold, but in the garden, there was a sign that her ability, even just a little bit of it, manifested.
‘What’s the difference?’
She couldn’t even say that the difference was indoors and outdoors because she also couldn’t use it in the stables. She sighed and put down the knife.
“Kathleen.”
“Peter! You came?”
Peter smiled and waved her hand, then walked over to her side and flopped down.
“Phew, I thought I was going to die from exhaustion. Now that I’m out of the Imperial Palace, I can breathe.”
“Drink a cup of tea.”
“I came here with that in mind. Oh, did you make fresh scones too?”
Kathleen poured a cup of tea in front of Peter, who applied a generous amount of clotted cream on the warm scones.
“Is something troubling you? You don’t look too good.” [Kathleen]
“Things are always troubling me.”
“I’m saying this because your face looks particularly dark this time.”
Peter answered with an ambiguous smile and swallowed the half bitten scone.
“I see. It’s difficult to solve this time. I guess it’s because I can’t avoid it if I want to become the Emperor.”
“Peter is doing well just by not avoiding and confronting it. Isn’t that the most necessary mindset to become an emperor?”
“Kathleen is the only one who tells me that. I’m relieved.”
“I’m serious. If you need my help, feel free to tell me. I may not be very helpful, but I still want to help.”
Peter silently rubbed the water that had formed on the surface of the teacup.
“I didn’t come here to complain about my situation like this.”
She laughed out loud after a while.
The corners of her lips trembled as she smiled faintly. Kathleen asked again, a little worried.
“What’s going on?”
“Now it looks like I’m really getting married.”
“Oh…..”
She became an adult after her 19th birthday under Imperial Law. Kathleen was also worried that the public’s eyes were suspicious of the Crown Prince, who had no fiancée.
“In normal times, I would have delayed it further. Find any sort of excuse. But I can’t. The uprising in the South is getting bigger and bigger, and the nobles are calling to slaughter them all. To avoid the massacre and end it in the most peaceful way possible, I have to use Schenberg……”
“You have to marry Lady Schenberg to solve the problem.”
“Yes. That’s it.”
Peter let out a long sigh and wiped her face.
“I tried sending people secretly, but the South turned down all negotiations. Even if the negotiations were miraculously successful, the nobles would not be able to accept that those people would be given such privileges. I really don’t know what to do now.”
She understood how Peter felt. She was reasonably and rationally inclined to pursue peace. She wanted to minimize sacrifices and use resourcefulness instead.
“If I had been born a man, there would be no reason to worry so much.”
Peter smiled sadly and muttered.
“If I hide that I am a woman and marry the Schenberg girl, she will suffer for the rest of her life, not knowing why she is ignored.”
Kathleen said quietly.
“The Imperial Family should have a relationship with the Schenbergs, she doesn’t necessarily have to be married to Peter.”
“Hmm? What does that mean?”
“Lady Schenberg has the option of becoming the Duchess.”
Peter put down the teacup loudly in surprise.
“What do you mean? Is there any other Duke in Trivellian besides my brother? If she were to become the Duchess, then Kathleen.”
“I will leave when I find Joseph.”
Kathleen nodded her head and grabbed her hand.
“It’s a place I don’t need anymore. If I can help Peter, I’ll be happy to give the position to her.”
“You’re talking nonsense. Brother won’t sit still. In the first place, the marriage talk started…”
“Did the Duke suggest that marriage?”
“Oh.”
Peter hurriedly spoke.
“It is true that my brother made the proposal, but I will make the choice. I will not make the choice to push my brother back to the battlefield.”
“No, Peter also doesn’t have to choose the risk of getting your secrets revealed.”
Alexis was already a capable Commander who had made numerous contributions in the Southern Conquest War. Even if the alliance with Schenberg was broken and he went to battle again, there was no way he would fail.
“I’ll help you, Peter. Do not worry.”
“No, Kathleen. Don’t do that.”
But strangely, Peter spoke again as if pleading with her.
“My brother has already sacrificed a lot. This is my sole responsibility.”
“Peter.”
“I shouldn’t have told you. Forget everything I said today, and promise to listen only to my complaints as a friend.”
She felt puzzled by Peter’s stubborn refusal, but she didn’t say anything else. She had to nod her head countless times. Peter finished her tea, reassured by the sight, and left after spending time with her and eating dessert.
But Kathleen had no intention of forgetting about the arranged marriage.
As Peter said, the rebellion in the South was serious, Alexis, who went to the Imperial Palace, did not return until late. She waited for his return for the first time after returning to the Duke’s residence.
It wasn’t until midnight under the moonlit night when she heard the sound of hooves clopping. Kathleen left the bedroom. Just as she reached the landing, he went inside.
Alexis, seen from afar, was alone, and his face under the moonlight looked emaciated. Kathleen stood still and looked down until he approached the stairs.
“Kathleen?”
Alexis saw her and his strange voice echoed in the still room. Although they were staying in the same house, she couldn’t remember how many days it had been since she last heard his voice.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“I have something to tell you.”
With those words, Alexis went up the stairs at once. He even looked like he was running. In an instant, his gaze changed.
“What is it?”
“It’s about the Duchess’ position.”
“If you’re going to say that you want to leave, then just stop. I have no intention of leaving that seat empty any longer.”
The golden eyes looking at her were determined. In the past, it would have made her heart drop at the sight, but not now.
“The Duchess of Walten’s seat won’t be vacant.”
Kathleen said as she looked straight into his eyes.
“I have found the perfect wife the Duke wants. If she marries you, you will have the power to fight the Empress.”
“What are you saying?”
“Divorce me and marry the young Lady Schenberg.”
“…..”
“I think that it would be the perfect revenge rather than making Luci your fake successor and instilling vain hopes in Her Majesty the Empress.”
A blue vein swelled in his hand as he gripped the stair railing. Alexis took a step closer to her and said.
“So you right now…”
The low-pitched voice was heavily suppressed.
“… you think I looked for you because of the Empress?”
Kathleen asked.
“Is there any other reason?”
Chapter 40: 40
***
“Delafos?”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
Alsdorf added an explanation.
“Madame told me to donate 180 custard pies to the Temple of Delafos. And in order to arrive before tea time, they’ll have to leave now.”
“…..”
“Shall I tell her that it’s impossible?”
“No. Go ahead.”
Alexis moved the quill that had stopped and lowered his gaze to the paper.
“I understand, my Lord.”
As soon as Alsdorf left the office, Viscount Rylent asked.
“Your Grace, why are you sending someone to Delafos, isn’t Madame trying to find the priest too?”
“That’s right.”
“Then you have to block it! If they’re protecting him in the temple, he’ll definitely try to contact the Madame.”
“Leave it.”
Alexis handed him the document after the last signature. Viscount Rylent carefully said as he cleared up the pile of documents.
“His Highness the Crown Prince is also looking for the priest, what if we don’t find him first?”
“What does that have to do with it?”
“Of course, measures must be taken before he could approach Madame…”
Viscount Rylent, who bowed his head with a confused face, soon left the office.
Alexis sighed briefly.
He said he didn’t care about it, but in reality he did.
Alexis was afraid. Kathleen will leave him as soon as she finds Luciano’s father, the priest. He was scared that she would.
No, he was sure that she would.
Once she finds out that he was alive, she would leave without looking back.
Even though he knew that, he couldn’t tell them to stop searching or to kill him as soon as they found him. Even though the thought crossed his mind, his heart suddenly sank when he remembered Kathleen reaching out of the window that night.
She said she didn’t intend to jump, but Alexis couldn’t believe it. If her hand let go of the curtain at that moment, she would have fallen right away. She could abandon her life with her own hands at any time she wished.
Just thinking about that night made him breathless. If Kathleen had said that she would give up her child to run away from this life, then he really wouldn’t be able to hold on to her.
‘Let’s put her at a distance where I can see her with my own eyes.’
Alexis wanted to find Joseph. As long as he [Alexis] was alive, he would never let her live as the wife of a peasant priest who broke the law, but since he was the father of the child, he intended to let him keep his life and bring him to Delafos.
He unlocked the drawer and weighed the remaining medicine. Until then, it seemed like it would be enough.
‘I can’t let you die.’
Alexis’ plans were different from before. Three years ago, he was undecided, but after much consideration, he now had an answer. Kathleen would be excluded from the destruction of Trivellian he dreamed of. And……….
As he remembered the plump hand that held out a leaf to him with a bright smile, his heart started beating strangely.
Kathleen’s child.
The child she had with another man. When he first learned of his existence, he had the urge to throw him out, but not anymore.
Perhaps because the child had his mother’s eyes, Alexis felt particularly helpless in front of the child. So Alexis was going to put the child in the exclusion list.
‘Yes, that’s all.’
***
Kathleen looked closely at the blade of the butterknife. Very fine crystals formed.
When she tried it in the bedroom or kitchen, it didn’t even feel cold, but in the garden, there was a sign that her ability, even just a little bit of it, manifested.
‘What’s the difference?’
She couldn’t even say that the difference was indoors and outdoors because she also couldn’t use it in the stables. She sighed and put down the knife.
“Kathleen.”
“Peter! You came?”
Peter smiled and waved her hand, then walked over to her side and flopped down.
“Phew, I thought I was going to die from exhaustion. Now that I’m out of the Imperial Palace, I can breathe.”
“Drink a cup of tea.”
“I came here with that in mind. Oh, did you make fresh scones too?”
Kathleen poured a cup of tea in front of Peter, who applied a generous amount of clotted cream on the warm scones.
“Is something troubling you? You don’t look too good.” [Kathleen]
“Things are always troubling me.”
“I’m saying this because your face looks particularly dark this time.”
Peter answered with an ambiguous smile and swallowed the half bitten scone.
“I see. It’s difficult to solve this time. I guess it’s because I can’t avoid it if I want to become the Emperor.”
“Peter is doing well just by not avoiding and confronting it. Isn’t that the most necessary mindset to become an emperor?”
“Kathleen is the only one who tells me that. I’m relieved.”
Peter silently rubbed the water that had formed on the surface of the teacup.
“I didn’t come here to complain about my situation like this.”
She laughed out loud after a while.
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“Still, Kathleen is the only one who I can say this to, so I’m here.”The corners of her lips trembled as she smiled faintly. Kathleen asked again, a little worried.
“What’s going on?”
“Now it looks like I’m really getting married.”
“Oh…..”
She became an adult after her 19th birthday under Imperial Law. Kathleen was also worried that the public’s eyes were suspicious of the Crown Prince, who had no fiancée.
“In normal times, I would have delayed it further. Find any sort of excuse. But I can’t. The uprising in the South is getting bigger and bigger, and the nobles are calling to slaughter them all. To avoid the massacre and end it in the most peaceful way possible, I have to use Schenberg……”
“You have to marry Lady Schenberg to solve the problem.”
“Yes. That’s it.”
Peter let out a long sigh and wiped her face.
“I tried sending people secretly, but the South turned down all negotiations. Even if the negotiations were miraculously successful, the nobles would not be able to accept that those people would be given such privileges. I really don’t know what to do now.”
She understood how Peter felt. She was reasonably and rationally inclined to pursue peace. She wanted to minimize sacrifices and use resourcefulness instead.
“If I had been born a man, there would be no reason to worry so much.”
Peter smiled sadly and muttered.
“If I hide that I am a woman and marry the Schenberg girl, she will suffer for the rest of her life, not knowing why she is ignored.”
Kathleen said quietly.
“Hmm? What does that mean?”
“Lady Schenberg has the option of becoming the Duchess.”
Peter put down the teacup loudly in surprise.
“What do you mean? Is there any other Duke in Trivellian besides my brother? If she were to become the Duchess, then Kathleen.”
“I will leave when I find Joseph.”
Kathleen nodded her head and grabbed her hand.
“It’s a place I don’t need anymore. If I can help Peter, I’ll be happy to give the position to her.”
“You’re talking nonsense. Brother won’t sit still. In the first place, the marriage talk started…”
“Did the Duke suggest that marriage?”
“Oh.”
Peter hurriedly spoke.
“It is true that my brother made the proposal, but I will make the choice. I will not make the choice to push my brother back to the battlefield.”
“No, Peter also doesn’t have to choose the risk of getting your secrets revealed.”
Alexis was already a capable Commander who had made numerous contributions in the Southern Conquest War. Even if the alliance with Schenberg was broken and he went to battle again, there was no way he would fail.
“I’ll help you, Peter. Do not worry.”
“No, Kathleen. Don’t do that.”
But strangely, Peter spoke again as if pleading with her.
“My brother has already sacrificed a lot. This is my sole responsibility.”
“Peter.”
She felt puzzled by Peter’s stubborn refusal, but she didn’t say anything else. She had to nod her head countless times. Peter finished her tea, reassured by the sight, and left after spending time with her and eating dessert.
But Kathleen had no intention of forgetting about the arranged marriage.
As Peter said, the rebellion in the South was serious, Alexis, who went to the Imperial Palace, did not return until late. She waited for his return for the first time after returning to the Duke’s residence.
It wasn’t until midnight under the moonlit night when she heard the sound of hooves clopping. Kathleen left the bedroom. Just as she reached the landing, he went inside.
Alexis, seen from afar, was alone, and his face under the moonlight looked emaciated. Kathleen stood still and looked down until he approached the stairs.
“Kathleen?”
Alexis saw her and his strange voice echoed in the still room. Although they were staying in the same house, she couldn’t remember how many days it had been since she last heard his voice.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“I have something to tell you.”
With those words, Alexis went up the stairs at once. He even looked like he was running. In an instant, his gaze changed.
“What is it?”
“It’s about the Duchess’ position.”
“If you’re going to say that you want to leave, then just stop. I have no intention of leaving that seat empty any longer.”
The golden eyes looking at her were determined. In the past, it would have made her heart drop at the sight, but not now.
“The Duchess of Walten’s seat won’t be vacant.”
Kathleen said as she looked straight into his eyes.
“I have found the perfect wife the Duke wants. If she marries you, you will have the power to fight the Empress.”
“What are you saying?”
“Divorce me and marry the young Lady Schenberg.”
“I think that it would be the perfect revenge rather than making Luci your fake successor and instilling vain hopes in Her Majesty the Empress.”
A blue vein swelled in his hand as he gripped the stair railing. Alexis took a step closer to her and said.
“So you right now…”
The low-pitched voice was heavily suppressed.
“… you think I looked for you because of the Empress?”
Kathleen asked.
“Is there any other reason?”
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