Chapter 8: An Emi Christmas Part III – Scarpered

“What will you give me if I win this…er…animal for you?” Emi asked, hefting a hard rubber ball in her right hand.

“It’s a monkey,” Mio said before peering at the black and blue thing closely. “I think.”

“It’s not a monkey,” Emi shook her head sagely. “It is plainly a Chupacabra.”

“What’s that?” Mio blinked at her blankly.

“It’s a mythical goat sucker from the Americas which feasts on the blood of farm animals, small children and, obviously, goats,” Emi declared. “Though I think goats are included with farm animals. I’m not sure, though. I don’t know goats.”

“I think it’s a monkey,” Mio shook her head. “Hey, boss! What’s that black animal there?” The bored attendant strolled over and picked the black and blue animal up and peered at the tag.

“It’s a ‘night beast’, it says,” the attendant replied.

“That wasn’t helpful at all,” Mio scowled irritably.

“Quite alright!” Emi waved Mio’s scorn away breezily. “If I win this beast for you, you shall become the night beast!”

“What?”

“I am an Emi of geometry! Watch me work!” Emi grinned and let the rubber ball fly.

“One of these things is not like the other,” Emi sang and bounced along the line of stalls which had sprung up along the 41 against the river, holding a Takoyaki in each hand “One of these things is gross!”

“I did mention that second shop looked sus,” Mio pointed out, jabbing her chicken skewer at Emi for emphasis, shifting the night beast from one arm to the other deftly.

“Just try it for me and see if you think the octopus tastes nasty,” Emi offered one of her Takoyaki.

“Ew! No!” Mio scrunched her nose and cringed back. “That’s disgusting!”

“I don’t have any germs!” Emi protested.

“Yes, you do. Everyone has germs. It’s not a question of germs, anyway!” Mio insisted.

“It’d be an indirect kiiiisss,” Emi purred, putting her hood against Mio’s cheek.

“No, it wouldn’t, that’s manga stuff,” Mio scowled. “It’s simply a matter of not wanting to taste someone’s food they just described as ‘gross.’ Anyone who would do that is not right in the head.”

“I see,” Emi nodded her head sadly and deftly tossed the offending product into a nearby trashcan. “You just don’t like me enough to try my nasty octopus. I get it!”

“I never said that!” Mio insisted.

“So you do like me?” Emi leapt in front of her, walking backwards. “Is that what you’re saying?”

“The fireworks are going to start soon,” Mio deflected, stopping along the road, and leaning over the railing fronting the river. The dark water rushed past below her toward the nearby ocean, colored in swathes of red and green from the lights shining from the stalls and nearby buildings.

“Fortunately for you,” Emi leaned back against the railing and popped one of the non-nasty Takoyaki into her mouth. “I am an Emi of patience.”

“You seem to be an Emi of many things,” Mio pointed out.

“Of course! I am a Renaissance Emi to be sure,” Emi nodded, opening her mouth slightly and blowing to cool off the snack. “I’m like if Leonardo Da Vinci had a vagina and no beard. Oh! And wasn’t Italian! So…completely like Leonardo Da Vinci, only wholly different.”

“That’s a horrifying mental image,” Mio muttered, blushing crimson.

“Oh! And was a witch,” Emi chewed up the last of her snack. “That much is a foregone conclusion, though.”

“I’ll be honest,” Mio blew on her own skewer. “I don’t get the whole witch thing.”

“What’s to get?” Emi shrugged, trying to pick another Takoyaki that wasn’t quite so hot. “I know spells and cast them with powerful results.”

“What spells?” Mio glanced over.

“Well, I made pubic hair spring up like spring grass in what had previously been a barren field of smooth skin,” Emi popped another Takoyaki into her mouth.

“Isn’t that just puberty?” Mio cocked her head to the side.

“Puberty had forsaken me,” Emi whined. “I was left bereft of both breast and down there hair. But ever since becoming a witch I at least have hair and my Vaginus Emius is less chilly. I’m still working on the boob thing. It’s a more complex spell involving rubber bands, sacrificial grilled chicken breasts dipped in mayonnaise and a tall Swedish woman named Selma.”

“What are you talking about?” Mio giggled.

“Doesn’t matter!” Emi exclaimed, raising her skewer into the early evening air. “You’ll understand once you get pubic hair. You’ve already got perfect breasts and, I must confess, I’m not overly pleased by that development. Yet, oddly enough, I’m also pleased with that development if that makes any sense. It doesn’t matter, though. Once I find Selma I’ll catch up. She has been an elusive, saucy minx and has proven difficult to track down locally.”

“I already have pubic hair,” Mio responded with a deeper blush. “And did you just compliment my boobs?”

“Hold up! Let’s back up a second here,” Emi scowled. “What do you mean by ‘I already have pubic hair’?”

“I believe the phrase was self-explanatory,” Mio sniffed.

“I want to see!” Emi darted forward and began pawing at Mio.

“No!” Mio gasped, trying to fight her off while giggling wildly.

“I can’t believe you’d betray me by already having pubic hair!” Emi moaned, flinging herself dramatically onto the railing.

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“People develop differently,” Mio gasped for air. “It’s ok to be a bit slower.”

“What do you know? You’re already developed with your big boobs and pubic hair! All I have is a nice butt and nipples!” Emi shook her head on her arms and groaned sadly.

“You’re perfectly fine and normal the way you are!” Mio patted her back in an attempt to console her.

“Really?” Emi mumbled sadly into her arms.

“Really,” Mio confirmed.

“I knew you liked my butt, but were you peering at my nipples, too? How bold young Mio chan is!” Emi feigned shock, waving her hand demurely beside her face to cool it down. “I don’t blame you, though, I do have nice perky nipples. You do know, however, that’s positively a confession right there! But I can’t blame you, I am an Emi of seduction, after all.”

“What?” Mio gasped; eyes wide with shock. “I never said that!”

“You most certainly did!” Emi grinned and bounced excitedly as the first firework soared upward from the barge anchored in the river downstream from them. “You said ‘Your booty just too fine but I had no idea your nipples were the most perfect cherry candies atop your creamy white, most womanly of womanly breasts!’”

“I never said that!” Mio gasped in shock and horror as the fireworks began exploding in the evening sky. The other people along the railing began to talk excitedly and ‘Oooh’ and ‘Aaah’.

“You most certainly did!” Emi stared up with a grin at the fireworks, raising her arms in delight. “It was a bit objectifying, but I was still flattered. I don’t mind if you objectify me. I am an Emi of perfection, after all.” Suddenly Emi’s phone began to buzz in her pocket. She glanced down at the phone and smiled.

“I never said any of that! Why are you lying?” Mio’s face was a deep crimson.

“Kasumin?” Emi half shouted into the phone as Mio maneuvered herself toward Emi’s blind spot as she’d turned away from the river to talk. “I thought you were dining with the colonel tonight.”

Mio took the opportunity presented to poke Emi on her side, her finger pressed through the fluffy coat and into Emi’s ribs, causing the girl to jump and squeak in surprise, much to Mio’s unbridled delight. Mio began to tickle her along her ribs and up under her arm pit while Emi writhed and gasped.

“Wait!” Emi cried with a laugh. “Don’t touch me there! Ahahahahahaha!!!” Emi continued to writhe and attempt to escape from Mio, but the younger girl had the advantage while Emi was on the phone and pressed said advantage home, digging into Emi’s side slightly which caused fresh fits of writhing and giggling. “I’m ticklish there!”

“One second! I am being assaulted!” Emi tried to escape but Mio launched fresh attacks and Emi was unable to writhe free. “Down night beast! Down! You dare attempt to savage a witch?! Ahahahahahaha!!!”

Emi ducked low and fled away from the river back to the safety of the road, still giggling wildly, her Takoyaki had mostly escaped its paper boat and only a piece or two were left, the others lay steaming on the dark ground. Mio leaned back against the railing again and smirked at the older girl. Emi stuck her tongue out and went back to her phone call. A few minutes later, after some frantic texting Emi returned warily.

“What did my sister want?” Mio asked, holding the night beast defensively just in case Emi sought retribution.

“Apparently she lost someone,” Emi shrugged, looking down at the husks of what had been her Takoyaki sadly.

“Huh? Like a whole person?” Mio scowled in confusion.

“Evidently,” Emi shrugged. “Not to fear! My network is on the case!”

“How does something like that happen?” Mio shook her head.

“You’d be surprised how easy it is to lose someone,” Emi popped one of her remaining snacks into her mouth and chewed. “Sometimes,  it’s for the best they scarper off, though. Other times you kinda wish they would, but they stick around like gum on the bottom of your shoe, and you eventually have to just get new shoes because that stuff won’t ever come off properly. Even if it does, you’ll always wonder if you’re leaving little trails of gum behind you like reminders of your incompetence in avoiding the stuff in the first place.”

“So which am I, then?” Mio asked, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

“Well, you’re the third case, I would have to guess,” Emi discarded the paper boat and kicked a nearby Takoyaki into the river sadly.

“And what is this third case you didn’t mention before?”

“I am an Emi of doing things on my own time and in a manner of my own choosing,” Emi pointed out.

“You are, truly, an Emi of all things,” Mio shook her head with a smile.

“Oh, yes, I truly am,” Emi nodded. “As for what you are, and bear in mind I can only speak from my perspective, you are the type of someone who I would like to keep close to me and would be sad if they scarpered off.”

“What’s scarpered?” Mio asked. “I won’t know how to feel about what you just said until I know what it is you just said.”

“It’s British slang for ‘run away’,” Emi replied evenly.

“Why not just say ‘run away’, then?”

“Because I am an Emi of culture,” Emi sniffed. “Obviously.”

“Obviously,” Mio grinned, thrilled Emi didn’t want her scarpering anywhere. “I guess I should think about getting home.”

“Well, if you accompany me to my house, I’ll make sure you get home safely,” Emi held her hand out invitingly.

“How’s that supposed to work?” Mio scowled in confusion.

“I have vast resources at my disposal,” Emi shrugged. “I am an Emi of means, after all.” Mio glanced down at Emi’s hand and took it gratefully, thrilling at the touch of Emi’s skin on her own. Emi shoved both her and Mio’s hands into her over-sized jacket pocket. “Frostbite is a terrible thing. I saw a documentary on it and this guy’s hand swelled up like a beach ball and turned black and gross and I don’t want that for you, my night beast.”

“Th-Thank you,” Mio stammered, her face split by a wide, broad smile.

“Of course!” Emi crowed as they began walking away from the crowds toward the hill Emi’s house sat on. “You can feel my belly if you want while you’re in there. It’s very firm.”

“I don’t want to feel your belly,” Mio blushed in the darkness.

“So you say,” Emi grinned.

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