Chapter 2: Fun Time

To: All Inbound Specialists of Department Zero

From: Robert York, Head of Department Zero

RE: Fun Time!

 

I want to thank everyone for attending the Annual Pizza Lula and Employee Appreciation Day. It was nice to spend time getting to know everyone and bond. We're all part of the Department Zero Family and it is nice to see everyone putting forth the effort to make it a fun time for all.

 

That all said, there are a few minor issues I wish to address.

 

 

 

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1. Hazing the new guy is frowned upon, especially if it is done before he has a chance to undergo "The Procedure". I know all of you are immortal, but there is a full six months until new employees have the full benefits package. This includes health benefits. Frankly, I'm a little annoyed at you guys for taking it a little too far. I'll wouldn't be surprised if he reconsiders working here. I would like to point out that they found an actual, full sized plumbers wrench inside his intestines. This was discovered the next day when they found it hanging outside on the main telephone trunk line that feeds the call center. We are also uncertain as to where the rest of Carl got off too, but we suspect he is having problems digesting. If anyone knows where he is, please have him come to my office. Mr Quazdak is feeling bad about the whole incident and popped for a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

 

 

2. What Did I Say About Time Travel? Do I really need to repeat myself? Because we all got stuck in a time loop repeating the same two hours for god knows how long! This is my last warning to everyone, and NO, Jen, I do not want to get into another debate about "What exactly IS 'last'?" I catch any of you pulling this crap again, the punishment will be both loud and Wet.

 

 

3. I noticed that as soon as it came time to clean up, everyone bailed, except for Jenkins. A thanks to Jenkins for staying behind to help straighten things up. No, I don't care that everyone hadn't seen their loved ones in what felt subjectively like thousand years. We all need to do our part to protect the environment.

 

Remember: Recycle. Reduce. Reincarnate

 

 

But other than that, the Lula was a wonderful success! I look forward to another year working with all of you!

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