Chapter 7: Chapter 7 – Make peace

Ray emerges from the room, disheveled and sleepy. He sees me and freezes. I, again overcoming my numbness, open my mouth and say, "Hi! Did I wake you up?"

Ray doesn't answer. Instead, he walks resolutely in my direction. And I pretend that I'm ready for anything.

Ray comes up to me and hugs me tight. He just grabs me, wraps his hands around me, and hides his face in my shoulder.

No, for this, I definitely wasn't ready.

I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I want to hug him back. When did we hug at all? I do not remember.

For a moment, my past life flashes before my eyes. Me and Ray in childhood, in middle school, then in high school.

In all my memories, we're loud and boisterous, laughing and shouting. Ray kicked my joystick, trying to beat me in Mortal Combat. God, he yelled like crazy when he finally won.

These memories make me feel warm, but still... Hugs...

I think we hugged only a couple of times. The first time was when I was leaving our hometown for college. Ray hugged me goodbye and bumped his fist on my shoulder.

And the second time was... at my father's funeral. I tried to hold my face as I might. I knew that crying in such a situation was normal and not something to be ashamed of, but I didn't want to show my tears to anyone.

Returning home from the cemetery, I immediately went upstairs. I didn't have any more strength. I knew my mother needed me, but James was there too. So I cowardly used my younger brother's card and hid in my room.

I don't know how long I wept. I just cried my heart out and all the pain I kept inside. And, at the most "convenient" moment, without a knock, Ray came into the room and stared at my red and swollen face.

And this dork... I wish he had said something... but he came over to me and hugged me just like now. And I thought that I hadn't had any more tears left, but no. And I was embarrassed, I was ashamed, but I couldn't stop crying. And Ray stood still and waited for me to calm down.

After, we never talked about it, but I felt that it was some kind of line I was not too comfortable crossing. Not because I disliked Ray, but because it was too close. Too much. As if I bared my soul, and among friends, it is appropriate to be dressed.

Now I'm not crying, no one has died, but Ray still doesn't let go.

"Ray, I have to go to work," I say as neutrally as possible. He pulls back and studies me carefully. His hazel eyes are intent. And all his thoughts, they are still there, in the depths. I no longer hope that this nightmare will end. This is reality. Damn it.

"Are you up to something?" He asks with the utmost seriousness.

"You mean what? I'm up to work!"

"And you won't come home again tonight?"

I slant my eyes, "So far, there are no such plans," I answer.

"What plans then?" Ray asks inquisitively.

"Do you have any suggestions?" I look at him again. He steps back a little.

"Where were you yesterday? Can we go there together?" Something starts to ring in his voice. But I am not backing down either.

"You know, the gay club you took me to on my birthday? It turned out to be a great place!"

"Ah!" Ray exclaims theatrically. "So I should have taken you to the club, not to a decent restaurant to please you?! Or would a cheap eatery do too? Or just a couple of shots?"

Anger... so pure, so strong... I seem to breathe it and, as from an excess of oxygen, my head begins to spin.

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I push Ray away forcefully and swing open the door to leave. I have no desire to return here. But suddenly, Ray grabs my hand and jerks me back inside. I fly back into the corridor, and he slams the door.

"Stop! Stop!" He shouts, raising his palms. "Wait!"

Now I am experiencing an explosive mixture of anger and surprise.

"I don't..." He starts and stops, takes a few deep breaths, and starts again. "You don't.. it's not... Damn!" He is angry, but as if more at himself, and I can only watch. He turns to me. "Please wait."

It sounds like a simple, sincere request. An uncertain feeling that is vaguely similar to joy adds up to the emotional mess inside me. As if I hope for something...

"Sorry," Ray says finally. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. Let's not fight and shout. I don't understand why we scream so much. And this is not a damn thing fun!" He throws a magazine from the hall table. "I don't know... I don't understand! What's happening... But I... I! Feel fucking bad, you know? I can't... it's a fucking mess... Don't go, ok? Wait, please. Just a sec, ok?"

And to my surprise, Ray goes into his room and comes back with his guitar.

"Are you going to sing me a serenade?" I ask puzzled. My anger evaporates with every second, but it doesn't get any easier for me. It's like I am in a strange movie and have no idea what my role is.

"What?" Ray asks. "No! Here," he hands the guitar to me. I take it hesitantly.

"What? I don't understand... I have to sing a serenade?"

"What? ...if you want," Ray seems even more confused than me. "I mean it as the hatchet, you know? Or like a pipe of peace!"

"Should I bury it or smoke it?" I can hardly hold back laughter.

This is my dear moron Ray. And suddenly his face changes. I've never seen this expression before. A kind smile appears across his face and a particularly penetrating look. It's like Ray from the future, more mature.

"Why aren't you laughing? You want to laugh." His voice sounds soft, even gentle. He looks me straight in the eyes. At this moment, I feel the same as a few years ago when he hugged me after my father's funeral. This is some kind of step beyond the line.

I smile and lower my eyes to the guitar. It seems like I need to say something, and I don't know what. But the atmosphere has changed completely. I don't even know how it happened. These few minutes were like a roller coaster. I wonder if this is the end of the ride.

My phone rings in my pocket, destroying this strange illusion.

"It's James," I say to Ray and answer the call.

"Sam? Are you okay? Why aren't you at work yet? Why didn't you call back yesterday?"

"I'm on my way. I overslept a little."

"Okay, hurry up! I need your help."

"Yes, I'll be there soon!"

I slip the phone into my pocket and look at Ray, his expression is usual. I hand him the guitar.

"I don't think it should suffer because of us. Maybe someday you will learn how to play it. But let's assume that it's mine now, and if anything..." I grin. And Ray grins back. "See you later."

"Later," he replies.

I go outside. As I'm walking to the bus stop, I realize that I am smiling. I know that, in essence, the problem has not been solved, but... Ray also wants to solve it. Can't the two of us figure out what to do?

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