Chapter 10: Chapter 8: Re-introductions

Anya and Maria sat in their respective armchairs in the living room, a bookshelf filled with cheap novels and research journals on the wall next to them. A tradesman would occasionally come down with a selection of new books from the cities, and Anya enjoyed devouring the newest murder mysteries whenever they arrived. She relished deconstructing the plot and trying to figure out where the book was heading, especially if she was wrong. Because she had already read all her most recent ones, she was back to one of her old favourites; a book that was so well written that she swore she found something new every time she read it, despite already knowing the ending.

Maria, on the other hand, was writing in a leatherbound tome, noting down her latest findings with the botanical experiments she’d been attempting over the spring. When Anya inquired as to what it was about, Maria replied absentmindedly,

“I was sent a cutting of a very fussy magical tree that only grows during winter. It’s useful in multiple high-level spell components, but the fact that it only grows for about a quarter of the year each year means it’s very expensive. I’m trying to see if I can coax it to grow all year round, and so far, I’ve made a little progress, but…” She sighed, setting her pen down and closing the book, “Writing makes my hands ache. Would you like to do something fun?”

Anya closed her book as well, getting up with a stretch, “Wouldn’t mind moving a little more, no, what do you have in mind?”

Maria smiled, “Well, I did say I had some old jewellery that I don’t use anymore, and I think I can do something with your hair; do you want to try that dress on again and experiment?”

Anya’s eyes widened as she rubbed her hands together, “Oh! Yes, absolutely! I think I can secure it myself this time, though I might need your help."

Maria chuckled, “No worries. I put it in your room; let’s take a look, shall we?”

A few minutes later, Anya was back in her new dress, giving a little twirl as she savoured the sensation of the fabric against her skin. The shoulders were perfect now, not uncomfortably tight as before, and she felt like she could move in the outfit fairly easily. She’d have to give her compliments to Olivia and her father again.

Anya emerged from her room with her hair a satisfied gold, and Maria dragged over a small wooden chest, talking as she did so.

“So, your hair is in an in-between growing stage at the moment; I can’t exactly do much with it, but I can try and style it a little if you’d like. As long as you're fine with me using the scissors, of course. Hair is my specialty when it comes to these things.”

Anya smiled, eyes down while she mumbled “Yes, I’d like that a lot. Thank you, Ma,”

Maria sat her daughter down on her bed, dragging over a chest of various things she’d collected over the years. She held multiple pins and clips in her mouth, speaking around them as she brushed Anya’s hair and gently teased it into a braided style.

“So, this will be difficult for you to replicate on your own, but if you like it enough, we can practice together. Your hair is long but not long enough to tie up into a single ponytail; your fringe doesn’t reach the back of your head yet, for example, so I’m going to do two braids along the sides of your head and leave your fringe hanging down…”

Anya nodded and murmured ‘Mhm’ whenever she could, attempting to absorb all the information. It was a lot, and the peculiar tightness on her scalp was another new sensation that kept on distracting her. She had never really combed her hair before, and her mother was gentle as she worked out the knots that had already begun to form in her shaggy mop. The subtle krrrt of a brush moving through hair became background noise to Maria’s instructions, and the entire ensemble was almost hypnotic, making her feel drowsy. Maria stepped back for a moment, silent as she thought...

"How do you feel about a proper fringe? So it's less of a curtain, and doesn't get in your eyes... I think it'd compliment the shape of your face."

Anya chewed on the idea, trying to imagine it, before shrugging.

"I can just grow it back out if it doesn't look good. I trust you."

Maria smiled, bringing over a pair of scissors and catching the stray hairs on a tray so they didn't land on the bed. She didn't do much, from what Anya could tell, just a little bit of cleaning up.

And then, suddenly, it was all over. The strange tugging and pulling on the sides and tops of her head stopping as Maria used a small clip to secure the two short braids in the back, pinning them up so they didn’t brush against Anya’s neck. She got off the bed, taking a step back to admire her handiwork as a brief ripple of red travelled through Anya’s braids before she managed to control her mood.

“How does it look?” Anya asked with a shaky smile, reaching up to touch the side of her head experimentally. She felt the numerous little pins securing her hair in place, and traced the knot of the braid with a curious wonder in her eyes.

Maria brought over a small mirror, “See for yourself.”

Oh. Oh. That was… Wow.

Instead of extending into her eyes, Anya’s fringe now fell to her eyebrows, and it was no longer a wild and untamed thing, now coerced into a gentle wave across her forehead. Her mother had been right, it did compliment her face. She tilted her head to the side, looking at the way the rest of her hair was gathered up into a small but thick braid circling her temples like a crown. Numerous pins kept the stray or shorter sections in place, meaning they wouldn’t fall out without some encouragement.

Anya just… Stared; she couldn’t believe how much difference something so small could make. Maria was surprised as her daughter suddenly launched herself forwards and pulled her into a hug,

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you,” Anya whispered over and over again, squeezing her mother tight. Her mother squeezed back,

“It’s nothing, dear, truly. Now, do you want to try on some jewellery?”

Anya’s face lit up, and Maria laughed at her change in expression.

Only a few minutes later, Anya was looking at herself in the mirror again. She had a new addition, a small inexpensive blue glass pendant that hung perfectly in the space that the dress drew attention to. Though it may have been cheap, Anya adored it; it was a simple little thing, a glass oval surrounded by a silver ring and on a chain.

Her mother was standing in the back, her hair a joyful gold as she watched her daughter admire her reflection.

“You truly look lovely, Anya; I’m so proud of you.”

Anya turned to reply, a smile on her lips, when there was a knock at the door.

Anya frowned as her mother’s hair drained back to white, and they shared a look as Maria went to answer. Anya stayed hidden on the stairs, unseen by whoever would be at the entrance to the house, but able to hear their voice.

As soon as Maria greeted the newcomer, Anya’s blood turned to ice.

“Oh! Hello, Matt, how are you?”

Anya snuck a glance, and indeed, there stood Mattias Brown. She had never seen him so worried before; he was dry washing his hands, unable to look Maria in the eyes.

“Hello there, Mrs Lane, I was wondering if Adam is… Alright? The last time I saw him, he wasn’t doing very well, and I haven’t heard from him since. I-is he here? May I speak with him?”

It must have taken a significant amount of effort for Maria not to glance back at the stairs as she clasped her hands together.

“I’m sorry, dear, but… he… isn’t in right now, out with his father; I’m sure you under-”

Anya cut off her mother by stepping into the hallway, causing both Maria and Matt to widen their eyes with surprise. She gave a little nervous wave,

“Hello, Matt.”

 

---

 

Two people sat in their favourite secluded spot, taking shelter underneath an old tree while looking out over the neighbouring lake. One wore a pastel blue dress, while the other had on casual, if tastefully dishevelled clothing. They sat on a rather threadbare spare blanket – Anya was not going to get this dress stained by the grass mere hours into owning it. Olivia would likely kill her.

Their walk to this place had been silent, automatic, both too nervous to look the other in the eye after their initial confrontation. Instead, they mutually enjoyed the warmth of the sunlight that was filtered through the leaves, watching as the sun played off the surface of the murky water. The gap between them couldn’t have been larger than a foot, but to Anya it felt so much larger.

Up until this point, it had been Matt that had had to drag Anya – unwittingly rather than unwillingly – through the steps of their relationship. She had spent a great deal of time in denial about someone being able to find anything of worth in her appearance or personality, especially Matt, and thus she had rarely ever been the initiator under any circumstance. Half the time she hadn’t even realized what Matt was doing, which had caused him no small amount of amused frustration.

Thus, it was to the surprise of both of them when it was her that broke the silence.

Anya realized that she was feeling an uncharacteristic amount of confidence. Perhaps she was simply just riding the high of realization and experimentation, basking in the afterglow of new experiences and what so far had been easy acceptance. Wherever this new feeling came from, whether it was temporary or not, she was going to seize it and wring it out for all it was worth.

“I’m sorry,” She began softly, startling Matt out of gazing at the clouds and causing him to look over, “I should have thought to say something, contact you just to say I’m alright. Ease you into… This,” She gestured vaguely at herself, emphasising the hair, dress and jewellery, “I was going to send you a letter – Gods, Olivia even reminded me to do so – But then Felix found me in town, and, well, it’s all a bit of a blur after that honestly.”

Matt nodded, still silent for a few moments before replying. He usually spoke with such distinct cocky confidence that now, when his voice was quiet and subdued, it felt almost jarring.

“Don’t apologize, I should be the one who’s sorry. There was something wrong, and all I could do was sit there and offer shitty apologies while you were hurting. I didn’t even think to come and see if you were alright until this morning.”

Anya opened her mouth to protest, but Matt raised a finger to stop her before continuing.

“And ‘this’?” He gestured at her outfit, “Doesn’t affect me in the slightest. Don’t worry about ‘easing me into it’, honestly, and if you want to wait before talking about it, you don’t need to try and explain now if you don’t want to. I did just sort of barge in without warning, after all; if you aren’t prepared or don’t want to talk about it, I don’t need to know. Though…” He took a longer look at her, quickly tracing her form as if seeing her for the first time.

“You look nice,” He mumbled.

With that, Matt turned his head back towards the waterline, but Anya could have sworn she saw his cheeks burn before he hid them.

Anya felt her lips curl into a smug smile despite herself, and she placed the back of one hand on her forehead dramatically, her other going over her heart in mock-exhaustion,

“Oh, I’d hope so; do you know how difficult it was to find a dress in my size? A miracle. And this hair? At least half an hour of sitting still on my Ma’s bed. I better look nice. It was too much work otherwise.”

Matt grinned, giving her a playful shove on the shoulder which caused them both to laugh together, eyes settling back on the waterline. Suddenly, that physical distance no longer felt quite as large.

It took a few more minutes of calm silence before Anya spoke again, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her head on top.

“I think I’d like to talk about it, if for no other reason than because I’ve known you for so long; I trust you. Is it alright if I… Babble, a little bit?”

Matt nodded, rolling his hand in a ‘Go on,’ gesture, “Babble away… And thank you, for trusting me I mean.”

Anya nodded and sighed, tilting her head and watching as the horizon shifted with her.

“I… Don’t know how to explain it, not fully, but I’ll try. For a while I’ve been… Well, I wouldn’t say unhappy, it wasn’t strong enough, more- Whats the word- Apathetic. I found it difficult to care about myself, about the things around me, but I was hardly even aware of it. It was just there, and I thought it was normal. I don't think I'd properly felt anything in years, just some small hints of anger at the most difficult times, and perhaps a little bit of dull happiness on occasion, with the right people,” She shot him a brief nervous smile.

Matt returned the smile and reached over to squeeze her hand, “I think I get it. I don’t relate, but I can remember seeing it in the way you acted and reacted to things,” The hand disappeared from hers, returning to Matt’s side, and she had to stop herself from reaching out and pulling it back. “I… This may be stupid, but is that why you drifted over to Felix?”

Anya attempting to join Felix’s side despite Matt’s – in hindsight very valid – protests had nearly broken their then-friendship, and Anya was still untangling herself from the rich boy’s influence. She pulled her knees in tighter, white hair bleeding to black as her frustration rose. Matt watched the change in colour with wide-eyed amazement as Anya spoke.

“Yes. It was. He… I don’t know, he offered some stable answers for what was happening to me, because some small part of me knew it wasn’t right. Felix, unfortunately, had all the wrong ideas. He convinced me that what I was feeling was normal, that it made me a 'real man'-" She sneered at the thought, “Prick. Should’ve known it was all bullshit, but it was very persuasive. I soaked it up like a sponge, and all it did was make me feel even worse.”

She took a deep breath, quickly rubbing at her eyes to stop them from stinging. The new emotions still felt so raw when they came unbidden, and now that she was speaking about this properly for the first time, they were coming on strong. With great effort, she managed not to cry – She didn’t want to make this an unhappy moment after all.

“And then, uh,” Her hair drained back to white, with a few strands of red mixed in as her face turned slightly pink, “When I admitted that I wanted to be with you, not just out loud but internally too, it suddenly became so real. The little doubts I had about anyone wanting to be with me, about how anyone could love what I looked like, because I could never love that, wouldn’t go away. They just… Exploded. Nastily. Hence the whole, breakdown thing.”

Matt leaned back, placing his head gently against her shin.

“I’m so sorry,” He murmured, “I knew you had issues with your self-image, but I didn’t think they were so pervasive. I should’ve talked more with you about it.”

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“You’re fine,” Anya chided, “I wouldn’t have spoken about it if you’d poked and prodded me regardless, I was in deep. Though... Perhaps talking more with each other about these things is a lesson we can both learn,” She said with a smile, “Besides, it led to my penultimate realisation, so it’s all good.”

Matt took the bait, raising an eyebrow with a grin, “’Penultimate realisation’, huh? And what was that?”

Anya glanced around conspiratorially, grinning ear to ear, and leaned in to whisper into Matt’s ear,

“Matt, I think I might be a girl.”

Matt, speaking in an expressionless and deadpan voice, picked up a loose fold of her dress,

“Really? I never would have guessed.”

Anya tried very hard not to react to Matt’s terrible joke, but her hair betrayed her near-instantly by bleeding to a bright, happy gold with her amusement. That shattered her resolve, and laughter bubbled up from Anya’s stomach, bright and full and so incredibly infectious that even Matt’s best blank expression broke, causing him to join in. They kept on going until they were both sore in their ribs and clutching onto each other’s shoulders for support.

As Anya was recovering her breath, still struggling because every single stray bit of air in her lungs resolved into another wave of chortling, Matt managed to squeeze out a question.

“And so you’re happier like that? As a girl, I mean.”

Anya smiled wide, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes, "Oh, immeasurably so. I mean, don't get me wrong, being a guy looks great on you. But for me? It's been like, eight hours of experimentation with names and clothing and hair and... I don't think I've ever felt so good."

Matt gave a firm nod, pushing himself up to sit properly.

“Understood. Though, that does bring something to mind,” He extended his hand to shake, “Hello there, my name is Matt Brown. It’s nice to meet you for the first time, I don’t believe you’ve told me your name?”

Anya quirked an eyebrow at him, “We are not doing it like this,”

“Oh yes we are,” Matt replied with a cheeky smile that went ear to ear, waggling his fingers.

Anya sighed, taking his hand with only a half-contained grin.

“Hello there, Matt, my name is Anya Lane. It’s my absolute greatest pleasure to be able to shake your hand for the first time."

They shook hard until both of them had pins-and-needles in their arms, quietly laughing to each other as Anya added, "There, are you happy?”

“Oh, very much so.”

Their quiet laughter broke out into chortles at that, and their eyes turned back towards the waterline, silence extending for a few minutes before Matt asked another question.

“Ok, and this might be weird thing to ask, but I could’ve sworn I saw your hair change colours multiple times in just the past few minutes. What’s, ah, up with that?”

Anya shot up, “Oh gods, how did I forget- Yes, hang on,” She scrunched up her nose, concentrating as Matt gave her a curious stare. He yelped with surprise as her halo manifested, eyes going wide – bringing it out on command was becoming easier and easier.

“Woah. Can I touch it?” He asked with such childlike wonder that Anya couldn’t help but laugh, tilting her head down so Matt could pass his hand through the light.

“Awesome... So, you’re an aasimar like your Mum, then?”

“Mhm. Something like that.”

The cogs visibly turned in Matt’s head, “And in your family, only the women can be…” He trailed off as the thought came to its conclusion, and a massive smile broke out on his face, “Ha! Well, doesn’t that just wrap it up in a nice bow? That must feel good, huh?”

Anya snickered, “Yes it does now, but just try explaining that to me from just yesterday morning. The traits came before the realization, you see. It was actually the catalyst for all of this. I tried so hard to hide it; most stressful twelve hours of my life.”

Matt cocked an eyebrow at her, “Wait, you manged to hide it for all of twelve hours? Girl I need to teach you how to do sleight of hand tricks. That’s honestly kind of sad.”

They laughed together at that, continuing a small mumbling argument about whether Anya hiding it would have really been for the best, and fell back against the blanket. With a small surge of confidence, she reached her hand out to his, and was relieved when he accepted it and squeezed back. The distance between them got imperceptibly smaller as they inched just slightly closer. The silence was now a comfortable thing, punctuated only by their breathing and the sound of the light wind rustling the leaves above them. It was a few minutes before Matt spoke again, rolling onto his side to look at her.

“So, would you want to try to do… how did you put it… ‘Something more serious than a peck on the cheek’ again?” Matt asked with a waggle of his eyebrows. Anya choked on her own spit in surprise, accidentally inhaling when she meant to swallow, face beginning to burn as bright a red as her hair as she rolled over to look at him.

“I- What? But- I mean- Gods, you scoundrel, breaking the silence with that. I… Well, I’d like to, but I don’t want you to force yourself to be with me out of some sense of obligation, I can understand if you’d like to stop our relationship here, I am different now after all, and-“

“Anya.”

She stopped spewing out words from her mouth in shock; she didn’t think she’d ever get enough of hearing people use her chosen name. Matt continued,

“I don’t want to continue this purely out of ‘Some sense of obligation’ you – and I mean this in the most affectionate way possible – absolute dumbass.”

Anya snorted with genuine laughter before she could stop herself, a smile picking at the corners of her mouth before it fell again, doubt and concern alight in her eyes.

“But, I mean, you fell in love with a man, which I’m decidedly not anymore,”

Matt gave her a look, “I’ve had girlfriends before, you know. That distinction between things like that hasn’t ever meant much to me anyways; it’s not a barrier.”

Another short ripple of red and gold travelled through Anya’s hair at the thought of being anyone’s girlfriend – then she controlled herself, ignoring the happy bubbly feelings in her stomach to poke at the issue further.

“But, in all likelihood, I’ll always be… In-between, moreso than now, even. My celestial heritage will apparently try and ‘nudge me in the right direction’, but I’m unsure how effective that’ll even be. I don’t know what it’ll change about me.”

Her partner shrugged, “Again, I don’t think that’s an issue for me. My affection isn’t skin-deep,” He grinned at her, “Just accept it, you’re stuck with me~”

Anya wasn’t satisfied – She wanted to be, but there were still too many strings attached that dragged her back down. A final question forced it’s way free from her mouth,

“But, you fell in love with… With A-Adam, not with me,” She spat the name out like it was sour, “I don’t even know who I am right now, what I could be when I’m separate from how I felt before. I might lose the things you see in me.”

Matt smiled softly, squeezing her hand and tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

“Ok, honesty time? I didn’t fall for the shell of you, that moody young boy who never cried or got emotional – That was just my friend. What I fell for was what lay underneath, the parts of you that broke through on those rare occasions. The bits that I’m beginning to realize were simply just… You,” He poked her lightly in the chest, and she bit back a ticklish laugh, “As in, the real you, or whatever you want to call it. Anya, not Adam, just beneath the surface.”

“… Oh.” Was about all she could manage.

Oh. Oh gods. Both her face and her eyes were burning, and she covered her head with the crook of her arm. A two-pronged attack by her newfound emotions, just her luck. Matt, that ass, continued regardless.

“The furrow in your brow when you’re trying something for the first time without fully understanding it; the twinkle in your eye when you get to talk about the things you’re interested in; your half-smile when you’re trying not to laugh at my worst jokes… They’re stuck in my mind. Those are what are important to me, I think. So, is that enough to convince you?”

Anya, who was pretty sure that she was pink from her ears down to her collarbone, mumbled something incoherent under her breath. Matt raised a hand to his ear with a dramatic flourish,

“I’m sorry ma’am, but could you repeat that?”

Anya managed to find her voice again, lowering her arm from her face to reveal a wobbly smile.

“You’re such an ass-”

“I suppose that’s a yes, then.”

“Fuck you. Yes. Yes it is.”

Matt sighed dramatically, shooting her a cheeky smile, “Thank the gods, because I spent all afternoon trying to come up with something, and that was about as much as I could manage. I’ve thoroughly run out of material.”

Anya snickered before pushing herself up to her knees.

“So…”

“So.”

“About your original question,”

“Ah yes, the ‘more serious than a peck on the cheek one’, I presume?”

A strange mood swirled in Anya’s stomach, and her hair bled from red to gold as the grass around their blanket began to grow. Anya licked her suddenly dry lips, trying to find the words.

“Mhm. If I remember correctly, you said that Lisa was the one who led when you two were together, yes?”

Matt nodded, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, “Indeed; I won’t deny it,”

“Do you mind if I lead this time, then?” Anya asked very softly, the blush on her face having just receded, only to now be replaced by another slowly creeping up her neck.

“Not at all, though… Didn’t you say you didn’t know how?”

“I’ll figure it out along the way,” She said a little breathlessly, a small smile playing across her lips, “If you at all feel uncomfortable, or want it to stop, just tell me and I’ll do so immediately, alright?”

Matt nodded, grinning at the repetition of what he himself had said just a few days prior. Anya gently pushed Matt into the grass by his shoulders, and suddenly their lips met. It was awkward and desperate, Anya having no experience and Matt attempting to compensate, but it was more than enough for both of them. The grass grew to obscure the pair as everything else faded into a blissful blur.

Anya had the distinct realisation that, at this moment, she had never been happier.