Chapter 4: Fall Semester, Second Month:

Grace and I had made a few friends together the first week of school and each one of them we shared. We had stuck together like two peas in a - well a dorm room. Our new friends loved to party, which was great because we both did as well. 

In high school I was never able to hold my alcohol very well, but I knew my limits. Grace had never really had the opportunity to drink in high school and was using these parties to get used to it. She was way worse off than me. 

She had only drank two mixed drinks tonight and she was already full of confidence, dancing around the room with people she had only known for an hour. I hung back, barely buzzed, to keep an eye on her. 

Four of our new friends shared an apartment just off campus, which just happened to be the location of the party tonight. Well, almost every party was hosted there, but this time it was a lot larger. There were a lot of people I didn’t know, but as long as I was drinking I would eventually be bubbly enough to talk to anyone. 

“Did you two come together?”

I jerked my gaze away from Grace to the voice coming from my right. 

There was a guy standing next to me holding a red Solo cup. 

“Yea,” I laughed, “We’re roommates. She doesn’t do well with alcohol sometimes so I like to keep an eye on her for a while before I get too trashed.” 

He smiled. 

“I’m Rami. Do you guys go to SRU?” 

“Yeah. You too I’m guessing?” 

He took a sip of his drink. 

“Yeah, me too. Do you wanna take a shot?” 

I was honestly glad he asked, I needed to stop worrying about Grace and start having fun myself. 

“Yes!” I hopped up from my chair, “Vodka?” 

“My favorite.” He smiled as we walked into the kitchen. 

After a few hours and about five shots, including Tequila shots that my Peruvian friend Lucy taught us how to take “the real way” with the salt and the lime, I was feeling pretty confident. I weaved through people in the living room that had become a makeshift dance floor. I even met a few new friends and had conversations about some crazy things. Seven shots and four mixed drinks in, I was gone. I was giggling over everything and being really loud. 

Rami and I had talked multiple times throughout the night. I didn’t remember very many of the conversations, but I knew that at this point we were friends. 

I sat down on the floor against the wall to take a break from my random bursts of energy and he saw me again. 

“Hey Crazy Casey!” He slouched down next to me. 

I just smiled. Words were not coming to my mind at the moment. 

“Do you ever think about how these are supposed to be the best years of our lives? It’s crazy! RIGHT NOW we are living one of the best nights of our lives!” He turned his head to me. 

Words finally came to my brain, but they were altered by the alcohol. 

“Yeah, I mean, it’s a pretty good party, but I’m not sure if it’s the best night of my life.” I giggled stupidly after saying it. 

“I think it’s pretty amazing. I got to make some pretty awesome new friends. I think you’re great.” He looked directly in my eyes and I knew I was about to act up. 

I’ve always been fairly shy, but I started to notice around the end of my senior year of high school that I tended to get extremely flirty when I was drunk. I had kissed my best friend one night at a small apartment party and went on to develop a bit of a phase where I made out with someone every time I was drunk. 

“I could be better.” My eyebrows rose. 

“How so?” He asked. 

“Maybe if you kissed me?” 

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There I go again. 

And he did. He didn’t stop with one kiss, before I knew it we were having a full makeout session. It wasn’t great, but being drunk, it really didn't matter to me.

It didn’t take me long to realize that I shouldn't have asked him to kiss me. I came upon the sudden realization that I needed to get away from him, and fast. I abruptly stood up and walked into the closest bedroom.

When I got there I noticed there were two air mattresses, one of which was already occupied by an unknown person passed out face down. I sat on the second and rested my head on my knees. I needed to stop being so dumb at these parties, I’m supposed to be in a relationship. 

I sighed and laid down on the bed. The guilt hit me HARD. It was only a kiss, but it was still cheating. My boyfriend matters more to me than kissing some guy at a random house party. And then I started to cry. 

When I drunk cry, I cry hard. I was told that I cried for over two hours at a party a few weeks ago because I missed my boyfriend. Long distance relationships can be hard, and normally I can handle the pressure pretty well when I’m sober, but when I’m drunk it’s a whole different story. 

When I woke up the guy on the other air mattress was gone. I sat up and a few different things hit me all at once. First, I felt my head throbbing. 

Great, a hangover! I thought to myself. 

Secondly, I felt the guilt all over again, but this time I pushed it to the side after a minute of thinking about what had happened. 

I stood up, almost fell over, and then walked into the living room. 

Everyone had left at some point during the night except me, Grace, Rami and my other friends that owned the apartment. Grace was still asleep on the couch. 

Rami looked at me from the kitchen, holding a steaming cup of coffee. 

“I made some coffee, if you want some.” He tilted his head towards the counter. 

Coffee sounded repulsive and so did talking to the guy I drunk kissed, but I knew I would have to tell him the truth at some point. I decided to get it over with sooner rather than later. 

“Listen dude,” I sigh, “ I don’t know if you remember exactly what happened last night, but I gotta tell you something.” 

He smirked and replied simply with a “Yeah?” 

“I have a boyfriend. He's in the Army. It’s pretty serious. We’ve been dating for almost two years now. What happened last night was a mistake and it needs to be forgotten.” 

I looked down at my feet and thought about how cold the tile of the kitchen floor was. I am horrible at making eye contact in serious situations. 

“You mean when we kissed? It was just a kiss, it doesn’t mean anything. Consider it forgotten as long as we can still be friends.” 

The conversation ended up going better than I thought it would, at least he wanted to stay friends. 

“Yeah of course we can stay friends. I’m sure Grace would love it if we made a new friend that actually lived on campus.” I chuckled a bit. 

I heard something move on the couch in the living room behind me. Grace was awake. 

“Hey girly.” I walked over and sat down on the couch next to her. “How ya feeling?” 

She groaned miserably while flopping her head back onto the pillow. 

“I’m starving! Lets stop for burritos on our way back to campus, my treat.” 

She reached into her pocket and threw her car keys at me with way more force than needed. We said our goodbyes and departed the apartment for Taco Bell. 

 

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