Chapter 27: 24. The Past That I Don’t Know?

They used a car as vehicle to go to Ibaraki. And to get there at least takes 1 hour.

If we talk about Ibaraki prefecture, there are many attractions for tourists besides Hitachi Park.

For example, the first place they came to, the Fukuroda waterfall in Daigo town.

"Wow, how beautiful!"

"Sakura what are you doing? Why are you climbing the guardrail!?"

"Emm? I just wanted to try to taste the water."

"Are you stupid! You can't go there carelessly!"

Ignoring Sakura's exaggerated curiosity and Shinomiya doing a stukkomi, Misaki stared at the waterfall in front of her with blank eyes.

Surrounded by greenery in spring, the waterfall looked very beautiful.

"That never changes...."

Endou who heard it looked at her in confusion.

"Isn't this your first time going here?"

Misaki stared back at Endou. Her different-looking gaze made him a little surprised. He could see the bitterness and nostalgia from the light in her eyes which made him incomprehensible.

Seeing that something was wrong with her expression, Misaki quickly fixed it.

"This is indeed my first time here (in this life). And I'm not talking about this waterfall either."

She replied as she looked back at the direction of the plunge.

Those words were aimed at the direction of their journey. This has never changed at all. Apart from Endou and her friends who shouldn't have accompanied her here in the past life, everything seemed the same.  Like Her mother who took photos as memories, the tourists who stared at the beauty of the waterfall, the security guard, the ornamental tree placed in the corner, everything that happened here seemed to fit in her memory.

She was on a vacation right now, but her heart somehow felt empty without a trace of pleasure.

Since that dream has haunted her mind, she always feels suffocated every time she remembers past memories, especially when she remembers being together with her sister. She could remember how they talked here, or how excited she was when she saw the waterfall. Every time she recalled such a thing, her chest became sore. She didn't know why he was suffering so much just remembering it.

Now she questions her own existence. Why was she reincarnated? Why did she have Kazuto's memories? Why did she have to be Misaki?

Many questions that she couldn't answer appeared in her mind. She should have been thinking about all these questions ever since she started this cycle of life, but he never thought too much of it because she was trying to please her former self. Now all the questions became serious for her, but she couldn't find a clue to find any of the answers.

"Hey, Saki-chan! Come on over here!"

The call brought her back to life.

Misaki saw Sakura and Shinomiya calling her from afar.

Right, she was currently with her family and friends, she can't make a bad expression here. She does hwr best to make a smile, it has to be. She didn't want them to worry.

"I should go."

With many heavy thoughts in her mind, she approached them with a poker face. Endou who could only stare at her back, clicked his tongue.

"Tsk, I can't help at all."

He muttered, annoyed with himself. He didn't know why Misaki looked so gloomy today, he knew something was wrong with him even though he looked fine on the outside. He wanted to help, but talking to her and seeing her forced expression could only make him speechless.

He felt bad for not being able to do anything.

"This is not the time...."

Meanwhile, Kazuto who had been quietly watching Misaki from a corner, muttered under his breath. He actually wanted to talk more and hear the problems she was having. But his heart told him it wasn't the time for him to do that, and should give her more time. He also felt pain seeing her forced expression and covering her sadness, but for now the best he could do was wait.

Their journey continued from Daigo to Mito. In there, they had lunch at Kairakuen garden and enjoyed seeing the views of the ume trees, lakes, and hills which are the main tourist attractions here. Shortly there, they continued their journey to the Amakubo, and went to the Tsukuba Botanical Garden. As the name suggests, a lot of plants are planted here, this place is like a small forest planted indoors, and one of the types of plants is cactus.

"Sakura-chan, don't touch that cactus!"

"Ehh, why? This cactus looks cute, you know."

Sakura pointed at the small cactus tree she wanted to hold. The cactus looks beautiful and unique, with a round shape with pink to orange colors on the skin and spines. Even though it looked beautiful, it was still dangerous to touch it which had many thorns.

"I know you're stupid, but at least don't be careless! Even though it looks pretty, it's still dangerous to touch it. So don't try to touch it!"

After hearing Shinomiya's stern warning, she sadly gave up on touching the cactus.

"Uuu, alright...."

After that she glanced at Misaki who was standing still not far away.

All this time she was silent there.

"Nee, Saki-chan. Why are you dumbfounded, you've been acting weird ever since this trip."

Misaki was delayed in responding for a moment at Sakura's words.

"...E-Ehh, is that so? But I feel like nothing has changed in me."

She replied with a fake smile.

"Is it just my feelings...."

Sakura muttered in confusion. But, because of her simple mind, she immediately throw it to a corner.

"Ahh, never mind. Come on Saki-chan, let's see another place!"

She ran excitedly as she saw many plants that he had never seen in his life.

"Fine."

The moment after Sakura turned away from her, her expression turned gloomy, she felt sorry for having to pretend to be okay in front of her friends. An expression that clearly had pain on her face that no one had seen before, the wound she had buried in hee heart recently, even though it hadn't been a day, but she couldn't stand it anymore.

Misaki  thought she would be fine looking through her past memories.

However, every path she walked, every step she took, every place she visited, and from the time that slowly passed, all the memories with her sister were etched in her memory.

For the first time in her life she regretted having such a strong memory.

Although it feels nostalgic, but it also hurts. She still didn't know the answer to why her existence had replaced her, but if this was the fault of fate, then she didn't deserve to be in this world either.

In the deep of silence, Misaki was nailed by her guilt....

....

"Hitachi Park!"

And finally they arrived at their main destination.

When they entered there, the view of a vast flower bed filled their vision, accompanied by a strong gust of wind that came from the blue sea at the end of the horizon.

"Wow, this place is so beautiful!"

"Too bad we weren't here in the fall."

Here, we can enjoy the beauty of flowers throughout the year. There are lilies and tulips that bloom in spring. Then the nemophilia and zinnia flowers that bloom in summer. And the most famous is the deep red cocchia in autumn. Due to busy work, their parents couldn't come here during that season.

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"Come on Saki-chan, let's go!"

"......Mmm, you guys go first. I'll be heading there myself, please... don't follow me, okay?"

Sakura and Shinomiya fell silent seeing Misaki's face, her words and expression looked very sad.

Misaki couldn't contain her feelings anymore, so her face couldn't even smile. Her gloomy expression was finally seen by her friends.

He turned his back on his companions, and walked alone.

“Uuuu, how is this Shino-Chan, does she hate me for toying with her last night?”

Sakura now felt guilty for teasing her too much last night.

"Don't worry, it's not because of that."

Shinomiya answered while patting her head to stop worrying.

"She'll be fine, someone else is taking care of her..."

She added as she glanced at someone following Misaki. She had always been paying attention to Misaki's condition since her strange change at breakfast earlier, she wanted to ask what really happened to her, but neither she nor Sakura were'nt suitable people to ask such a sensitive question. She was also quite able to notice the worried feelings of those around her for Misaki. For example, Misaki's parents who were secretly worried about her, she could feel the bitterness in their expressions for not being able to help much with the problems their child was having. Endou was also as bitter as them.

She could tell that everyone was worried about Misaki suddenly being weird, ignoring Sakura who just realized it.

"Well, we'll leave the rest to him..."

She mumbled.

On the far side, Misaki stepped in with her head down. She traced the path she had walked in the past.

This park is one of the most memorable places in her memory.

She stopped after reaching a point, and sat down on the park bench that was prepared.

In the midst of this vast flower bed, Misaki could see the illusion of her past running with her sister.

Or rather to say she was being chased by her.

"Hey, damn tuna, wait! You help me take responsibility!"

Misaki shouted, with a short hairstyle as she chased after him.

"Hahh... Hahah.. Hahh... Sorry! But I don't dare to do it!"

Kazuto replied in an apologetic tone and continued to run away from her.

"Help me!"

"No!"

"Help!"

"No!!"

"Help!!"

"In my next life I wouldn't even consider saying 'yes'!"

"Is that so you don't want to help me?!"

"You two, don't run!"

Actually Misaki is also being chased by the officers.

How did it happen?

It all started with Misaki picking flowers carelessly, which she shouldn't have done, and she had been warned by himself to stop doing so, but Misaki didn't heed the warning. Until they were finally found by an officer there, and angered by that action, Kazuto who didn't want to be blamed ran away first, but Misaki wanted to take him to the same grave and ran with him behind, and the officer chased them both, and that's how it all happened.

"Wait!"

"Not!"

.........

She stared at the illusion of him and her sister through her memories vividly ahead, they were running from the officers.

Her self who didn't want to be caught and desperately ran, Misaki who chased after him so as not to be blamed alone, and the guards who chased after them...

In front of her, Misaki continued to chase while cursing, but her face didn't look annoyed at all, rather than that, there was a faint smile on her mouth that she caught a glimpse of.

That expression didn't exist in her memories, but somehow it created itself under her control. This was similar to the dream scene she had before.

Is this the past that I don't know?

"Ahh, I'm really the worst..."

If the things that happened were real and had happened in her past life, then she had misunderstood all this time. Her sister did not intend to stay away from him, but only changed her attitude. But he who was stupid thought of it in that way.

If only she could go back in time as Kazuto, then she would throw away all her negativity and treat her little sister more, more, and better than before. But that can't happen now. She couldn't possibly be trying to kill herself and thinking about reincarnating back into her old self.

"....Tears?"

She involuntarily shed tears. It seemed that she had become very emotional since seeing these memories.

"Then, who am I now...."

Now she is worried.

Her identity has always been ambiguous from the past, her personality can't be separated from the past, but her body doesn't match that. She didn't mind it in the past. But now, she has friends, and her communication problems are also slowly disappearing.

She had to change.

...No, she's slowly changed recently.

But she was also afraid of the change. If she did, it would mean he would have to deny her past. What would she be like if she did?

She curled up and buried her thoughts.

Congested, depressed, sad, regretful, worried, afraid. All mixed up and gave her a headache.

All the negativity in her head made her feel like she was being sucked into a puddle of mud, with the darkness she dreaded so much in the background. She felt herself being swallowed up slowly, and his own being was also starting to dissipate.

Her body shook in fear.

She needs someone by her side to lighten the load on her mind.

But she's sitting here alone, with no one knowing what she's dealing with.

Someone.........please.......

As she was desperately holding back all her negative emotions, suddenly a hug came from her side that brought warmth like spring, and remove all her inner darkness.

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