Chapter 5: Chapter 5: The dream of the Butterfly Part III

She stood pondering for a while. What is she supposed to be? Why was there another person in her mind? From Reilan's memories, she could tell that it was something that was seen very often in the stories of that other world. Although she felt that there was something more behind all this.

She walked over to the piece of cloth that had once been her dress, part of it used to bandage her hands, and the other to wipe her face. It had been many years since she had cried for the last time. At least she was thankful that she had been in this place, where no one would see her. The last thing she wanted was to be seen as weak and vulnerable, she couldn't afford to show such a thing.

“[I don't think you should hide like that] Not now. [It's something you have to face.] Maybe, but… at least not now.”

Silence.

They took some time to calm their emotions and breathe a little. They could feel a change within them. Her thoughts felt less confused and more in tune with one another. Although there was still that feeling that she was and was not in his own body. A very strange feeling.

It took a long time, but at last, they felt rested and determined to continue. Very slowly she got to her feet and returned to the shelf.

The first thing in her field of vision was an old, dirty, torn rag. It looked more like something that was used to clean the floor, a very dirty one. Behind that piece of cloth, there was another drawing. Already at this point, the strokes were quite professional. There was a lot of detail, more defined expressions, and much broader use of colors.

The group increased again. Now the red figure, who could easily be recognized as Reilanis, stood smiling in the center, carrying a dark-skinned girl with sand-colored hair in her arms. The little girl, who looked less than 10 years old, had a somewhat scared expression, she looked very thin and smaller than Reilanis could remember… or was it Reilan who had that memory? She shook her head to clear her mind.

Next to both, on the left, was Elisa. She stood, with both hands behind her body and a half smile. She wore the same type of purple tunic, but adapted to her current size, and under it a dark blue dress, reaching to her knees, with a black leather corset that had the function of protecting the torso from her.

To the right, with her huge smile, was Miriam. She had a similar style to Reilanis, a white top that at the time didn't cover anything, and shorts that looked more like a short skirt because of the fabric that was overlaid. She was smiling with all her visible teeth and with her right hand, she made the peace sign. Just like the previous drawing of her, her tail was wrapped around Reilanis's leg.

Reilan began to notice a pattern there, but decided to keep quiet, he felt that Reilanis herself had also noticed it, but she didn't want to talk about it. While doing so was necessary, there was something more important she had to ask.

“[Why is that rag on the shelf?] Because that was all Neminah was wearing the day I found her.”

Even now, Reilanis felt angry and disgusted by it.

"I don't even want to remember it. They were…a bunch of bastards.”

Reilanis and her now two companions of hers, Elisa, 16 years old, and Miriam, 11 years old, had left the city of Rimeria where they had lived for 3 years. Elisa had advanced quite a bit as an adventurer and her rank had risen, so they needed to switch places to increase their experience.

They arrived in the city of Kribels, 2 weeks southeast of Rimeria, intending to stay there for a couple of months. Reilanis, as she had always done, left the girls at the inn to rest from their journey, and went out to gather information in the guild and the slums. Anything that might be interesting or related to nearby dungeons.

She had spent much of the day wandering around, familiarizing herself with the layout of the city. Passing through an alley near the market district, she saw a beastkin girl, collecting food from the garbage. She was malnourished, dirty, and wearing only a piece of cloth that barely covered her body. One of the market vendors noticed her, picked up a stick, and yelled at her to get away from there. Reilanis gave him a look of hatred. The man, without giving it too much importance, told her that she was just a vermin that usually steals food from her stall. Reilanis grabbed him by the neck and demanded that he tell her everything he knew about the girl. Without many options, the man began a rather heavy story.

The girl, who was called "Nemiah", which meant "abandoned", was the daughter of a prostitute who worked in one of the worst brothels in the red zone, east of the city. Her mother was a Fenneckin, of the Fox tribe, who had been unable to pay for medicine to prevent pregnancy. The woman, who already had many debts, tried to sell the girl, but the slavers were not interested in buying a baby beastkin, much less from a prostitute. In her desperation, she ended up abandoning her at the brothel and running away from debt collectors. Unfortunately for her, they found her before long and she ended up dying from the injuries they caused her.

The girl was raised in the brothel, although not out of simple kindness, but because they wanted to use her to make up for what her damn mother had done. The women of the brothel mistreated her a lot and used her like a slave, forcing her to clean the rooms after being with their clients.

The girl grew up in that environment, without a hint of affection and barely enough food to survive. She became a walking corpse, being beaten and manhandled by customers as well.

The merchant recounted that a few years ago there had been an incident in which one of the women had stolen some jewelry from a noblewoman. A fight broke out, and they blamed everything on the girl, after finding the stolen objects in the attic, where she slept. This incident was used by the brothel madame to throw the girl out into the street, but not before handing her over to the noblewoman so that she could beat her up.

And so, the girl, having been blamed and beaten, was thrown into the streets to survive as a rat, eating from the garbage or stealing food when some vendor was distracted.

Reilanis walked away from that merchant, with the address of the brothel where the little girl had been "brought up". She kept it under surveillance for a couple of hours, until, she was sure. She returned to the inn and ordered Elisa to take care of Miriam that night because she had to take care of something.

She put on a concealment device that she used to wear when she wanted to go unnoticed and she went straight to the brothel. She went in and drank some alcohol with some of the women. She took advantage of the drunkenness of the prostitutes and asked them about the girl, to which the women seemed quite happy to tell. When she had confirmed that it was all true, she got up and, taking the Kanabo out of her inventory and began a complete slaughter of everyone who was there. Guilty or innocent, she didn't care in the least, that place had to fall that night.

Before long, the building was in ruins and all the people in the place were dead or near death.

With her goal accomplished, she began looking for the girl throughout the city.

She took a couple of days, but when she found her, she was on her knees in an alley, emptying what little she had into her stomach. Reilanis approached, and as soon as the girl heard her approach she panicked, though, because her astride wouldn't let her move, she couldn't do anything but stand still and be scared. Very calmly, the oni took out a handkerchief from her inventory, and after the girl had finished vomiting, she wiped her mouth, gave her some water from her canteen, and scooped her up. The girl was confused and scared and she was trembling like a newborn deer.

“It took days to convince her that we would not harm her. Even Miriam was worried about her. Elisa was rather angry with me for causing such a ruckus. [I agree with her.] Tch, traitor.”

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Though Reilan couldn't say he hadn't done the same.

Still, there was something that was bothering him ever since they entered this room. Of course, some people like to be alone, and they build a room to enjoy that calm. Some decorate it with different things to make the space more comfortable or decorate it with objects related to their hobbies. Reilan was one of those. He had his room full of figures from anime, manga, video games, and more. It was his sanctuary of peace.

But her, Reilanis… this place was exempt from anything like that. The only thing that could be called decoration was the tatami, and he was sure it had only been used because it was easy to put up. And the shelf with all those NPC-related objects made him very curious. It's fine if you want to store important things of your loved ones, but the way they were placed was, in a nutshell, worrying. But more than just feeling worried about it, there was a big difference when he remembered this same room in the game. He had only made this section for the sole purpose of storing some old equipment, weapons that he would no longer use, but he wanted to keep. It has nothing to do with what Reilanis seemed to have for this place. That made him think that there was a deeper reason for this. So, he decided to say what he thought. After all, what's the worst that could happen?

“[I've been wondering from the beginning, but doesn't this whole thing look like a trophy rack?] What? [This shelf, and the way it's all arranged, is basically for "display". Each object is placed separately, and each one represents the moment you "got" them, even the drawings are to mark a specific date. With what intentions is it made?]”

Reilanis didn't reply, even though she stood still, not moving a muscle.

“W-what the hell is that supposed to mean? I-I… I didn't do it with that intention… [So, what was it?] I-I… I just wanted… [Reilanis] I… [Does this have to do with your past?]”

Reilanis's eyes widened in surprise. She began to tremble noticeably and some beads of sweat trickled down her forehead. Her heart sped up and her mouth went dry. It was obvious that this was not a topic she wanted to talk about, but Reilan knew it. He knew many things about Reilanis's childhood because he had written it himself, and not only because of that, he had seen it in her memories. Memories that Reilanis herself refused to remember.

"[Reil-] NO!"

Reilanis fell to her knees, screaming at the top of her lungs. She covered her ears with her hands, and closed her eyes tight, wishing that was enough to silence the voice in her mind that was forcing her to remember the one thing she didn't want to see again.

Reilan watched as the powerful oni woman, whose body and expression declared to the world how powerful and brave she was, had turned into a frightened child. He knew exactly why. Although there were still many different details, the story was the same.

“[Why are you so scared-?] I'm not scared, I'm not a coward! [Then why are you behaving like this?]”

Silence.

"I don’t want to remember," Reilanis answered with a very soft and muffled voice. Although she removed her hands from her ears, she remained on her knees on the floor, sulking at her voice forcing her to behave in the way she hated most.

“[You can't go on like this Lani, you have to face it] Lani? [Oh, I… I'm sorry. When I was playing, I used to use that name to refer to you… well, the character… who was like you.] It… doesn't sound so bad, heh. It’s been a long time since I’ve been given... a nickname without bad intentions. [Really? What about the girls, they never did?] Well, no. Miriam usually calls me "mother", and Elisa calls me "Master" since I started teaching her how to be an adventurer. Neminah one day just started calling me “mommy”, Orpheanus only calls me by my name, although I think that's just because it's easier to say. Before he only called me "red water female". And…” Reilanis stops, leaving a long pause in her words as if she doubted whether she should say it or not. She considered it for a while, wondering why she was so reluctant to mention it. She thought that there was no point in leaving it like that, so she just said it.

"Vistelia, ever since she started traveling with us... she calls me "My Lady" so it's... embarrassing to hear actually." Reilan just snorted at that comment. From her point of view, it was exaggerated that she hesitated to mention it.

“[And how do you call them?] Well, Miriam is Miriam, sometimes I just call her “little cub” when we're training or… when I have to reprimand her. Elisa is Elisa and nothing else, the same with Neminah and Orpheanus. Vistelia… it's just Vistelia.” Again, a doubt when mentioning the elf girl. Reilan even noticed a sigh escape Reilanis's lips. A disappointed sigh, of that he could be sure.

“[sigh Back to the point. I understand that you have problems with your past Lani, but are you going to leave it like this? I know it sounds hypocritical of me, but complaining and running away isn't going to solve anything] It is hypocritical for you to say that. But no. I'm not running away; I just don't want to remember it. [And that is known as running away.] Tch, what the hell are you going to…? [Much. I KNOW all too well, Reilanis.] …I'm sorry. [You do not have to. I understand why this is difficult for you, I do, but if you don't face it… you'll regret it, just like I do.] Do you regret it? About what? [Of not having done things differently. Look, this whole situation is driving me crazy. I don't know why you and I ended up this way, and to be honest... I just want to go home, wake up and see that this is nothing more than a very strange dream. But…even I can tell that's not going to happen. I can no longer return, and this situation that has forced me to see the past has made me reflect on the decisions I have made. Why didn't I go to my parents and ask them for help? Or even... Kia's parents approached me many times. They never blamed me. They were even proud of their daughter. Yes, it hurt them to have lost her, but they knew her too well, so even though she broke their hearts, they knew that what she did was because it was what she wanted. Give me the chance to live.]”

Although he couldn't express himself physically, Reilan's voice sounded sad and full of regret. As he spoke, you could almost hear in his words that he was enduring with all his might to not start crying.

Reilanis just kept listening. Her heart ached, not only because now she could feel the same pain her body mate was going through, but because those words pierced inside her. They struck harder than fists into her flesh. Some tears even ran down her cheeks.

She felt… scared and weak. She didn't want to admit it, but it was too scary for her to not only relive all the pain she'd been through but also admit that it made her vulnerable. Which was one of her greatest weaknesses.

“I… [Lani. You are not a coward. We all have painful things in our past and situations or people that we fear. I envy you, your strength.] And yet, look at me, crying like a child, feeling helpless because I'm too afraid of people who aren't even alive anymore. [Not so different from me, who has mourned the death of my fiancée for almost 20 years. 20 years going against what she wanted by sacrificing her life to save mine. If it's of any use to you, I'll be with you all the way. Although well, I'm "stuck" with you, so I wouldn't go anywhere.] Hehe." She left a soft, even cute laugh, Reilan thought. He could feel Reilanis recovering a bit.

Reilanis felt that he was right. If she didn't get over this, now that she had the chance, those memories of her would become ghosts that would haunt her for the rest of her life. One that well, she could be haunted for several hundred years. She had already spent many nights having nightmares. The last few years had been a little better, but she was used to waking up at night drenched in sweat, and tears, and feeling like she was back in that place.

“If we're going to do this, I want… I want you to promise me that…” Reilanis couldn't finish what she wanted to say. She felt a lump in her throat, she trembled a little and a sob wanted to escape from her mouth.

"[I will be with you till the end. I will not make fun of you or say anything that might hurt you. Lani, we are in this together.]”

Reilanis felt her heart warm. Reilan's words brought enormous relief to her state of mind, taking away some of the fear and tension she felt. Even the tears that were still running down her cheeks now had a different meaning. Grateful was how she felt towards him. Gone were those thoughts of putting him out of her mind or calling him a parasite. She could now almost call him a trustworthy older brother advising and comforting her.

Maybe that was what she needed all these years to get over her past. She didn't know it, but now that this fellow had infused her with some strength, she felt that she was able to stand up once more.

"Okay, let's do this."

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