EPISODE 3 – INNOCENCE

Episode 3: Innocence

Shintarou wasn’t the only one who had an old inseparable relationship with me.

There were actually two more.

Terai Kazumichi and Maeda Megumi.

We were now in separate high schools and have since drifted apart, but.

Since that day, I have never forgotten them, not even for a single moment.

Usually, I would say something stupid like 「let’s make the best dark memories」.

In relation to this, it was seriously painful and embarrassing.

It was a 「dark history」so severe that even I would hesitate to talk about it.

　　　　　◇

What was your oldest memory?

In my case, it was the memory of playing on the slide at the park with Megumi.

I couldn’t remember how old we were at the time.

Anyway, Maeda Megumi and I came from the same nursery school, and we were together every day for as long as I could remember.

We lived near each other and called each other 「Jun-Kun」and 「Megumi」.

What could I say, we were something like siblings of the same age.
There was a time when I strangely wondered why we didn’t live together. We were such close childhood friends that we were like family.

When Megumi and I went to the same elementary school, and we were in the same class, we naturally started meeting up every morning and going to school together.

I think we even held hands at the beginning.

I never questioned why.

It was a really natural relationship.

Before long, I started getting used to my first-grade class. I still don’t exactly remember how it happened, but two new friends joined Megumi and me.

They were Tanaka Shintarou and Terai Kazumichi.

Shintarou was mild-mannered, and Kazumichi was lively and had the disposition of a kid general. The four of us, including Shintarou and Kazumichi, got along very well.

I had made other friends, but these four were special in their own way.

I think the fact that the four of us had been together in the same class since first grade really added to that special feeling.

The four of us always went home together from school and always hung out together during summer vacation.

We played on a nearby riverside, went to the mountains to catch insects, and gathered at someone’s house as a means to pass the time. There were many times we connected on-game until late at night.

Even after we moved on to Junior high, our relationship remained the same.

The four of us were in the same class again, even in the first year of junior high school.

I thought that we were destined to be together.

“I wish the four of us could stay together all the time. I mean, let’s stay together. That’s for sure!”

Kazumichi, the leader of the group, had been saying that ever since elementary school, and I could no longer imagine the four of us being separated from each other.

But the miracle of being in the same class for so long wasn’t going to last forever.

We were in our second year, and for the first time, we were in separate classes.

Only Megumi and I were able to be in the same class again, but not Kazumichi and Shintarou.

While Kazumichi’s classroom was next to ours, Shintarou’s classroom was on a whole different level.

For students in junior high living in a narrow community, just being in a neighbouring class is like being in another prefecture. Shintarou’s classroom being on another floor, was like a foreign country.

In the beginning, they came to play in my and Megumi’s classroom every recess, but eventually, only Shintarou gradually stopped showing up.

Given that I was a shy person, I couldn’t go to Shintarou’s class, which was full of people I didn’t know…moreover, I didn’t have a smartphone yet, because of that, Shinatarou and I gradually became estranged.

Thus, it became only the three of us, I, Megumi and Kazumichi, who often showed up in the classroom.

４─１＝３.

Just like that, the group of four who had always been together since first grade, was reduced to three just because they were in separate classes.

Even when we were going home from school, it was just me, Megumi, and Kazumichi.

That was the first change that happened to us.

And the next change would come in the not-too-distant future.

As usual, it was just the three of us on our way home.

Kazumichi, who was closest to home, left first, and Megumi and I were walking side by side.

“So, so! I have a game I want to play with you guys next time…….”

“Hey, Jun-kun.”

Megumi interrupted my unimportant conversation.

“You know, it’s hard to say, but…when we’re alone, why don’t we go home separately?”

With a very hard to say look on her face, she cut me off.

“Huh, why?”

“I…don’t want anyone to see Jun-kun and me together and start some strange rumours. For that reason, after we separate from Kazumichi, I’ll take a detour and go back that way.”

That was when I noticed that Megumi was always walking faster when it was just the two of us. I think she was subtly avoiding me when I talked to her in the classroom when Kazumichi was not there.

It wasn’t like that before.

Why did this suddenly happen in our second year…I wonder.

I could understand what Megumi was trying to say.

I was shocked, but I was aware that girls in their second year of junior high were difficult in many ways. After all, just being seen talking with a boy alone, they would tease her, saying, “Are you two dating～?”

In reality, it’s hard to go alone with a girl you’ve known since childhood, no matter how old you are, like in manga and anime.

So that’s why, from that day on.

It was the same between me, Kazumichi, and Megumi, until we parted ways to go home, but, after parting ways with Kazumichi,

“Well then, I’m going to stop by the arcade and go home.”

“Okay. See you later, Jun-kun.”

After parting with Megumi, who saw me off with a smile, I started to go home alone.

It’s not that I liked the arcade. It’s just that, if I didn’t disappear first, Megumi said she would take the long way home alone, so I just started going to the arcade to take care of her.

Every day after school, I spend my days in agony, playing arcade prize games alone.

Our relationships within our group of four, was slowly, but surely changing little by little.

I had been in a class with four other students all my life and had always acted in a group of four, so I didn’t quite fit in with the rest of the year two class.

In contrast to me, Megumi has always been the cheerful and outgoing type from the start, so she was surrounded by many friends, regardless of gender.

Somehow, it felt as if Megumi had gone to a distant world.

I wished I could talk to her too, but ever since she told me to go home separately, it’s been somewhat difficult to talk to her.

I’ve been spending time with them as if they were my family since nursery school, so I wondered why they were being so reserved.

Whenever it was recess time, I always eagerly awaited the arrival of Kazumichi as soon as possible.

Because if Kazumichi came to my classroom…

“Hey, Junya. How are you today?”

He would come to my seat first like this.

Then Megumi would also leave the group she had been talking to and come towards us.

Here we are finally back to the three of us as we used to be.

With Kazumichi there, I was able to talk to Megumi, and I also enjoyed making plans for various fun activities with Kazumichi.

“Why is Koga-kun always involved with the couple, Megumi and Kazumichi…?”

I heard such secret talks from the girls, but I didn’t mind it at all.

We’ve been best friends for a long time, so it’s only natural that we hung out together.

In the first place, Kazumichi and Megumi were not dating.

From now on, the three of us──no, I’m sure one of these days, Shintarou will come back again, so it’ll be the four of us spending time happily with each other again. When we turn third years, I hope everyone we’ll be in the class again.

That’s what I thought.

Just before the summer vacation of our second year.

“What, you’re going out?”

I screamed out hysterically, and Kazumichi and Megumi nodded their heads in embarrassment.

“Yeah. That’s why I thought of reporting it to Junya before anything else.”

“I see…yeah, congrats.”

“Ehehe. I’m most happy to hear you say that, Jun-kun.”

When they became conscious of each other, I don’t know, but apparently, it seems that they’ve always been in love with each other for quite some time now.

The other day, Megumi expressed her feelings for him, and they became lovers.

A while ago, I recalled Megumi telling me to「go home separately when the two of us were alone」.

I thought that was a peculiar shyness for girls who were in puberty, but apparently, it was not.

It really was just to appeal to the fact that I meant nothing to her.

I don’t want any rumours about what’s true and what’s not true floating around, and if it gets into the ears of Kazumichi, it’ll spell trouble.

For me to see that────I was happy.

After all, don’t you agree? If Kazumichi and Megumi start dating, Megumi will no longer pay attention to me. In other words, we can go back to our previous relationship.

I can hang out together with Megumi again, and we can go home together.

Normally, I would think twice about doing something like that with a girl who has a boyfriend.

But we’re a group of best friends who have been together for a long, long time.

It’s weird to be so concerned about a couple being born in our group.

I was in my second year, and I genuinely thought so.

“Hey, Megumi, you’ve been noisily flailing about wanting to wear a yukata to the next fireworks display.”

“That’s obvious, isn’t it? After all, it’s my first fireworks show ever since I started dating you.”

Seeing such a cheerful exchange between the two of them, I was honestly congratulating them.

No shame, no offence.

I laugh and say these things.

“Haha. Well then, for this year’s fireworks display, let’s all go in a yukata!”

To not notice the delicate atmosphere between them at that moment──I was such a huge goddamn idiot.

I didn’t realize it until after summer vacation, when the three of us had a lot of fun together.

After school, I cleaned up the chores the teacher had forced me to do and hurried to the classroom where Kazumichi and Megumi were waiting for me.

It was when I put my finger on the sliding door of the classroom.

“────But, he’s always following me around, don’t you think? That Koga-kun.”

Megumi’s voice reached my ears through the sliding doors. I could never make a mistake. That was, no doubt, my childhood friend’s voice.

For a moment, I didn’t know who it was.

Megumi had been calling me “Jun-kun” for a long time.

She just said 「Koga-kun」, right? Why is she calling me by my last name?

I put a little more strength on the fingers to the sliding door. To make sure it was Megumi who was really inside.

However, the sliding door felt awfully heavy, and opened only a small gap.

I sneak a peek inside through the gap.

The only two people in the dusty classroom under the slanting sun were Megumi and Kazumichi.

“Just because we’re childhood friends, doesn’t mean that we should be together forever. I mean, isn’t that obvious?”

“Don’t say that. Junya has always been your best friend.”

To hear Kazumichi call me out as「best friend」, I felt a little lighthearted.

“Even I know that…but aren’t Kazu-kun and me already lovers? We’re not just friends anymore, right? I want us to hang out and go home together, just the two of us…”

“But Junya doesn’t have many friends in his class.”

“……So you still think it’s better if the three of us stuck together, Kazu-kun?”

“No, that’s…”

The bewildered Kazumichi stopped at a beat.

“I’d rather be with Megumi. It’s bad for Junya, but…”

“Nfufu. I knew it. I like Kazu-kun after all～.”

“A-Ah, hey. W-We can’t do this in here. Junya should be coming back by now.”

“Still, I’m okay with it. Plus, we’re alone together, and it’s getting harder for me to hold back, so────mm…chuu.”

Megumi, with her lips locked with Kazumichi’s, guides that special man’s hand under her skirt, and then───

“～～～～～～～～～～～!”

My body, which was stuck to the sliding door, left on its own accord and placed my hand on the opposite hallway wall.

Early September.

It was still hot and humid in the school building.

Despite that, my hands were shaking.

Chills ran through my body.

It was getting hard to breathe.

I was vividly reminded that there was indeed a place in the world for just the two of them, where there was no room for others to come in.

I couldn’t remember how I went home after that.

I left my bag in the classroom, despite having Kazumichi and the others wait for me.

For the first time in my life, I left the school building alone and went home alone.

“Hey, Junya. How long did they make you do chores yesterday? We’ve been waiting for a long time.”

The next day, Kazumichi and Megumi came to talk to me, but I couldn’t look at their faces with satisfaction.

I felt guilty for realizing that I was in the way.

You are reading story Secretly Holding Hands with You Behind Our Friends’ Back. Falling in Love That Cannot Be Told to Anyone at novel35.com

Disgust at having been spoiled by two people who never said anything.

Above all, I felt alienated because I realized that we could no longer have the same relationship as before.

A mixture of emotions. The sight of the two standing before me made my stomach juices rise again.

“A-Are you alright? Koga-kun, you don’t look so good.”

Megumi finally calls me that, even in front of me.

It’s undeniably a sign of her desire to open up a little distance from our childhood friendship.

“It’s okay, Maeda-san.”

I also dared to call Megumi by her last name.

Ever since the day I could remember, I’ve been calling her 「Megumi」.

I thought it would be more tricky, but calling her by her last name was easier than I thought.

And Megumi readily accepted the last name call. We continued our conversation without hesitation.

“What should I do…do you want to go to the infirmary?”

But I could feel that she was genuinely concerned about my pale complexion.

That was the only thing that remained the same, the kind and gentle Megumi.

“No, I’m really fine. It’s just that I haven’t been sleeping well. Haha.”

I don’t know if I did it successfully, but I smiled at them. For the first time today, I faced them head-on.

At the same time, I had a flashback to that scene I saw yesterday after school.

“…Urghh….!”

I held my mouth in a panic. Stomach acid was welling up, and my throat was burning.

It hurts.

“Hey Junya, isn’t this really bad? I think you should go to the infirmary──”

“I told you it’s okay!”

I shouted angrily at Kazumichi, who was concerned about me, without knowing why.

“A-Ah, sor…I’m sorry…”

Terrified of these uncontrollable and unintelligible feelings, I continued to mend them.

“Hah…but really, you don’t have to worry about me anymore. How do I say it…I’ve always been under the care of you two, so I’m sorry, that’s what I was thinking.”

“Eh? Caring about you, what’re you talking about?”

“T-That’s why…you know, the fact that I’ve always been tagging along on your dates and stuff. I…um…truthfully, I was…in the way, right? You don’t have to worry about me being with me anymore, okay? After all, you guys want to be alone as much as possible, right…?”

That was the best I could do.

I really wanted him to deny it.

I still wanted him to continue to invite me.

Looking at such a scene, I didn’t know what to say myself. I think I’m seriously an idiot. I know very well it’s pathetic, and I already wanted to die, but.

Even so, I’ve been together with these best friends who were like part of the family,

──That’s right. We’ve been in an undesirable but inseparable relationship for a long time, so no use worrying about it now.

That was all I wanted to say.

I didn’t care if I lied.

I just wanted to tell them that.

“I don’t know…”

But then Kazumichi took one look at Megumi next to him, who looked apologetic but also a little happy.

‘Well then…..I’ll take your word for it, shall I?”

3─2=1.

Thus I was left alone.

After school, it was pouring.

With no umbrella in hand, I looked out through the classroom window at the rainy sky, alone.

I noticed that none of my classmates was there.

From today on, I will no longer be going home with Megumi and Kazumichi.

I got up from my seat and walked alone through the empty school building, heading for the quiet footwear area.

I changed my shoes and looked up at the sky from under the eaves of the side entrance.

The downpour of rain, covered by thick clouds, showed no sign of abating.

“It doesn’t look like it’s going to stop…did you bring an umbrella?”

I said to myself as I turned around.

The words that leaked out unconsciously tell the story of our relationship, which had been taken too much for granted up to that point.

“……..!”

The guys who have been with me since I was little were gone.

I was the only one left.

I should have known that, but I was so ashamed and embarrassed that I took it for granted that they were still there.

It felt endless, the misery.

I ran out onto the field in the pouring rain without an umbrella.

My feet got caught in the mud, and I fell down.

I tried to raise myself up, but I couldn’t muster the strength to do so.

There was no one left to lend me a hand.

After all, I’m sure Kazumichi and Megumi have already gone back home by now. Surely, with me not on their mind, spinning a happy time together.

I dug my fingers into the muddy mud.

“….Why. Why did this.”

We’ve been together since elementary school, since first grade. I really think of them as family.

And yet, why?

Why is it when those two become lovers, this is what happens?

As a child, Kazumichi used to say.

──The four of us, let’s be together forever. I mean, of course. That’s a promise!

Never once did I forget that sensation, that sensation that made my chest hot to the touch.

But I’m sure I must’ve been the only one who believed in such childish vows.

Ever since then, I was the only child who had stopped growing.

“Eggu……! Ugh, gg…… uuuhhh~~~……!”
[Tl notes: I suck at making crying sounds, so please bear with me]

I even burst into tears. Oh, I’m really pathetic. I hate myself for being so much of a kid.

And so, the best friends who had been together for a long time have separated. If they were happy, so be it. It didn’t matter if I was all alone.

“…If that’s the case, why, why am I…like this…!”

The rain that was beating down on me suddenly stopped.

Someone’s sneakers can be seen in my view crouching in the mud.

I looked up without wiping my tears.

“What’s wrong, Junya?”

My other best friend was there.

He was standing there holding an umbrella and had a gentle smile on his face, just like he used to.

Standing by my side just as he had in the past.

“S-Shin…S-Shintarou…”

Perhaps sympathizing with my crying face, Shintarou crouched down and gently patted my head.

“I see…if it was going to be like this, I should’ve been there by your side after all. I didn’t have any definite proof either, so I couldn’t say anything rash, especially to Junya. I’m sorry.”

Shintarou had been aware of this for quite some time.

Kazumichi and Megumi’s feelings for each other.

So he kept his distance from them, partly because of his reservations.

But I couldn’t really understand what he meant by 「say anything rash.」

…No, I already knew.

All this time, I just pretended I didn’t.

“Shintarou…I…I actually…”

“I know.”

Shintarou said in a gentle, enveloping tone.

“Junya also liked Megumi for a long time, right?”

“…………ugh……ugh……aghh! ～～～～……!”

Just as I thought, this was the feeling of 「being in love」.

I’ve been in love with Megumi for quite some time now.

So I was more shocked than I should have been when those two became lovers and moved away.

Not to say that I wished they were all men, though.

If only I didn’t consider my friends as the opposite sex. If each of us had not been in love with each other.

We would have remained the same four best friends forever.

But I think that’s inevitable. It’s natural to fall in love with someone, and surely that’s what it means to be an adult.

However.

Even so.

I knew it was a childish idea.

After all, I.

Just a little longer.

Just a little more.

I wish we could’ve stayed the same as we were back then, with just the four of us…

“Hey, Junya. For the time being.”

Shintarou said calmly, patting my back as I sobbed like a child.

“Let’s hang out together sometime.”

３─２＋１＝２.

Shintarou came back next to me.

From then on, I began to frequent Shintaro’s classroom.

Kazumichi still came to my classroom every recess and talked to me as well as to Megumi, but we never went to Shintarou’s classroom together.

In this way, the four of us gradually became more distant from each other.

Of course, it was not that I disliked Kazumichi and the others. I was sure they thought so too.

We simply spent less and less time together.

They probably wanted to cherish their time together, and so…it was hard for me to be with them.

Before long, I also became friends with the one person who stood out most in Shintarou’s class, Miyabuchi Seiran.

In our third year of junior high.

I was finally put in the same class as Shintarou and Seiran instead of Megumi.

At that point, the three of us, Shintarou and Seiran, were like a group of four childhood friends who used to hang out together a lot.

I took the initiative to make plans to play, as I was the only one confident when it came to having fun with one’s friends.

Adding even more ingenuity to the mix was Seiran, who has been multi-talented and mature since those days.

The gentle Shintarou, the mature Seiran, and me.

This trio became a new treasure for me.

Suppose, from now on, this group of three would be joined by a fellow member of the opposite sex.

I would never seek a relationship beyond that of friendship.

At least, I promised…..that I would never get a girlfriend, especially within the group.

Besides──

“I don’t need a girlfriend. It’s more fun to hang out with friends.”

“Huh, really!? You and I get along so well! As a matter of fact, I thought so too!”

“Hmm. Setting aside Junya, Seiran is popular, so it’s a waste.”

“Hey, Shintarou! Don’t disrespect people! All right, we hereby form the [no girlfriend alliance!].”

“Just a minute, am I in that weird alliance? Well, I don’t particularly mind…”

“That’s interesting. So, Junya, being the leader of the alliance, are you thinking of holding an alliance kickoff party or something?”

“Hmm…how about crossing the mountains with our bikes? Yeah, it’s an unexpectedly nice, youthful idea!”

“Damn. You’re the best idiot. Let’s go as far as we can go, shall we?”

──I’d be more than happy if I could spend all my time with these guys.

Even if I don’t have a girlfriend, I still think it’s absolutely the most fun, strongest, stupidest thing I’ve done.

If any one of these guys gets a girlfriend in the future.

Of course, I will congratulate them and accept them again.

…But, I was hoping that such a day would be much, much further away if at all possible.

Eventually, when the three of us went to the same high school.

We would have two girls in our group.

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