Chapter 30: Chapter 30

8 Months Earlier

This was it. Today was the day.

Devin could hardly contain his excitement as he ran to the mailbox to collect his well awaited prize.

It was right there waiting for him.

The hormones. Spironolactone and estradiol to be exact. He had been waiting for this day for a long time and it had finally come.

He stowed the pill bottles safely in his sweatshirt before walking inside. He hadn’t yet told his parents or anyone else about these hormones, and he planned to keep it that way.

***

A week had passed since Devin had started taking the hormones and he didn’t feel much different. He guessed he was a little better but that could easily just be placebo.

He’d have to take the hormones longer to get more results.

***

It had now been two weeks since Devin started taking the hormones. He noticed that spironolactone was making him pee a lot.

It was very annoying.

***

It had been a month now.

Devin went to the cabinet door and opened it to get a drink. In doing so, the door accidentally brushed his surprisingly sensitive left nipple.

“Ow.” He said softly before grabbing the source of his pain.

Devin blinked in confusion. That was new.

His nipples now had a hint of puffiness to them. He wasn’t sure how this was the first time he noticed.

He didn’t know how to feel about it.

***

Two months in and his nipples were even puffier. Furthermore, the skin behind them was beginning to swell.

Devin had heard that growing breasts was supposed to hurt, but all this growth and he still didn’t feel anything. What was going on? Not that he wanted it to hurt, but the fact that it didn’t made a part of himself feel that all these changes were in his head.

Either way, his chest was now large enough to the point where it showed in T-shirts. Devin now wore sweatshirts everywhere. Luckily, it was late fall, so no one really questioned him. His parents, his classmates, and his teachers didn’t suspect a thing.

He did have to improvise when wearing his work uniform though.

***

Three months had passed now and when looking in the mirror Devin could swear his face was different. Slightly less harsh, slightly less male. Devin didn’t know how to feel, but the part of himself he had recently begun calling Sierra welcomed the changes.

It also occurred to him that if he kept taking these hormones through adulthood, he wouldn’t go bald. A huge benefit that even Devin recognized.

***

Three and a half months at this point.

It was while holding the hand of his incredible girlfriend Elise in the school hallways that Devin noticed something.

He could swear his walk was different.

Just like with his face, he had no real way of knowing if anything had actually changed. It sure felt like it, though. It was as if his hips had a slight sway to them that wasn’t there before. And his butt felt a little bigger too.

Was all this stuff actually happening to him or was it all in his mind? He desperately wanted some answers and it was driving him insane. He wanted to ask Elise if she noticed anything different about him, but he knew that would tip her off, so he didn’t.

Besides, if she had actually noticed anything, she would have probably said something. And so far no one in the school had mentioned anything about him looking different, so his changes weren’t very noticeable yet.

Sierra was sad about that.

***

Devin received the package on a day when his parents weren’t home. He quickly took it inside and opened it in his room.

It was the safe he ordered. The one with an electronic lock.

He set the code as “266-4018” and stashed the pill bottles inside. This would be much more secure than hiding them in his drawers.

He placed the safe in a random empty box in his closet.

***

Four months. It was time to do it. He had the means and the money, and he’d been putting this off for too long.

He was going to buy his first bra.

Devin was shaking as he pulled into the mall parking lot. He was already beginning to have second thoughts the moment he departed his vehicle.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe he should just get back in the car and go home. It wasn’t like anything bad would happen if he didn’t buy the bras today. There was nothing currently at stake for him or anyone else.

Which is exactly why he went on and continued walking toward the mall.

If he was being realistic, there would never be any real stakes at any point. There would never technically be a time when he absolutely needed to buy a bra. If he wanted to, he could put this off until forever.

He had to do this today, or he never would.

So he took the first step, walking into the mall. Now it was time for the second, walking into the women’s clothing section.

Easier said than done.

Devin felt like a pervert just looking at that section. Actually walking into it seemed like too much for him to handle. Not even Sierra’s excitement within him was enough to propel him forward.

Devin looked around, to all the women shopping in that section. Even just seeing them invoked a strong sense of jealousy.

Devin had always been jealous of women. He never remembered a point in his life when he hadn’t been. But now it had been turned up to the extreme. Those women were able to walk into the women’s section and buy clothing there without having any second thoughts of if they actually belonged there. They were able to go in there without worrying about being seen as a pervert, a freak, or a faggot.

None of that would ever cross their mind, but for Devin, that could simply never be the case. No matter what he did, those internal thoughts of being wrong would never go away. He’d most likely be dealing with them his entire life.

And on that depressing note, Devin turned and walked away.

But then he stopped himself.

“No, go in there.” A part of his mind demanded. “You remember what you said to yourself when you walked out of the car. If you don’t do this today, you never will. So get into that section and buy that bra. Those women probably won’t care enough to give you anything more than a passing glance.”

Yeah, that made sense. People who went to malls… they were busy. They probably didn’t have the time to worry about every random shopper who does something a little out of the ordinary. There was no reason to be afraid. No big scene or anything like that would occur as long as he didn’t make one himself.

Plus, he needed to remind himself, he had to do this today, or he never would.

So Devin took a deep breath and walked into the women’s clothing section. There, now that he was here, it didn’t seem so bad. He didn’t even know what he was so worried about in the first place. Nothing bad had happened when he walked in. There he was again, making a big fuss out of nothing.

Now that he was here, it was finally time to find a bra to buy. Before he even went to this mall, Devin had opted to buy a sports bra. Mainly because he heard they could hide his breasts the best.

So he went into a section for sports bras and tried to find one which would work for him.

The problem: Devin didn’t exactly know how bra sizes worked. He knew it had something to do with two specific measurements but that was basically it.

Shit, he probably looked like a clueless lunatic to the women there. He probably should just- no, no! Those thoughts needed to get out of his head. He needed to concentrate. He needed to remember, he had to do this today, or he never would.

In a quick move, Devin took three sports bras and scurried away.

In his rush he couldn’t tell completely, but he probably did get a few funny looks. It was inevitable with being a man alone in the women’s section. But once he calmed himself down, he realized no one really gave him any big attention. Everyone was too wrapped up in their own lives to care that much.

That made him feel better. He was overreacting again. Everything would be fine.

At least he hoped.

***

Devin walked to a cash register with a bag in his hand.

“Would that be all?” The cashier asked.

“Yeah.”

The cashier proceeded to take the items out of the bag and Devin tensed up again. No, he could get through this. He just needed to remember, if they ask, they were for his girlfriend, not himself.

As the cashier pulled out the sports bras, Devin mustered a huge, nervous, and guilty smile.

To his surprise, the cashier believed his story without him even needing to tell it.

You are reading story Shame and Desire at novel35.com

“Buying bras for your girlfriend?” They asked. “You’re so sweet and nice. Most guys wouldn’t do this.”

“Uh, yeah.”

Devin proceeded to pay for his items and he quickly left for his car with a bag of three sports bras in his hand.

***

Devin couldn’t believe it. He did it. He actually did it.

Devin walked toward his room the second he got home. His parents had asked him how his mall trip went, to which he replied with a quick and quiet “okay”. Thankfully they were satisfied with just that. They didn’t seem to feel like bugging him that much today.

Well, there was no use in putting this off. He had already gone through the trouble of buying a bra, might as well put it on. Again, he had to do this today, or he never would.

Devin got one of the sports bras out of the bag and went over to the bathroom. He shut and locked the door. He then stripped off all his clothes except for his underwear and picked up the bra with two of his hands.

This was it.

Devin gulped. Even though there was no one else here, he still felt extraordinarily nervous. What was he afraid of? It wasn’t like anyone was watching him. He was all alone.

And yet he was still afraid.

And excited. Sierra was very excited.

Devin shook his head and tried to rid himself of his nervousness. He was able to lower it down to a tolerable level.

After a few seconds of staring at himself in the mirror, Devin finally began putting the bra on. He had no idea how to put it on, so he just guessed what the right method was.

He simply put it on his chest and then attempted to clip the two clasps together in the back. It took a while, but eventually he was able to figure it out. The bra felt a little crooked, and a little too big, but overall it seemed to fit alright.

Devin looked up at himself in the mirror, to his reflection, and immediately jumped.

The bra was supposed to hide his breasts, but, if anything, when he looked at them like this, the bra only made them more prominent. He stared at himself for a while. At first he wasn’t really sure why he was so enamored with his own reflection. But soon, he found out. It was something that he had had for a while but for some reason it wasn’t until now when it fully clicked in his mind.

He had breasts. Real, actual breasts.

Devin cupped them in his hands and moved them around a bit. They were small, very small, but they were still… there. Breasts, on his chest. He couldn’t believe it. How had it only been now when he realized?

A lone tear made its way down Sierra’s face as she let go of her breasts. Her breasts. Ones that belonged to her.

For the longest time, breasts were a foreign concept. They were something Sierra wanted but could never have. She had always wondered how they would feel, how they would look, if they were on her. But that was always a fantasy.

Not anymore, though. Never anymore. She had breasts now, forever and for always.

Devin stared at himself in the mirror for a while longer before putting his clothes back on and silently leaving the room.

***

It had taken Devin a full month to figure out how he would clean his bras. He eventually decided on handwashing them in an empty room in his basement, and he was relieved at the final result of his first wash.

The bras no longer had the unbearable stench that they had been picking up for the last few weeks. No one else had mentioned anything about it, but he could still smell it, and it reeked.

He should probably try being a little cleaner.

***

“Hey.” Amanda said to Devin. “Your skin looks really nice. How do you do it?”

“What?”

“Your skin.” She reiterated. “Do you have a routine or something?”

“Uh… no, I don’t.” Devin said back.

“Oh…”

Devin turned away, confused. He eventually went into the guy’s bathroom and took a long look in the mirror.

Now that he was seeing it, his skin did look really nice. It felt nice too, not like the ugly, rough, coarse male skin he used to have. How had it been six months of taking hormones and he only noticed now?

He needed to keep better track of these changes.

***

Seven months. Looking at his body now, Devin realized how nice it was starting to look. It was so nice in fact that he decided to start shaving his body hair.

It took a week of shaving off a little more each day, but the end result was very nice. He was almost completely hairless below the neck, and it actually kind of looked like a girl’s body if his groin was covered.

Sierra smiled at that.

***

Eight months and nearing the end of the school year. Devin could scarcely believe he had been able to make it this far without blowing his cover. Not to say he hadn’t come close a few times, but still, overall he was impressed.

Wearing a sweatshirt in the summer heat sucked though, and he did get a lot of daily questions about that.

“Look dude, I know I’ve asked this like a million times, but seriously why are you wearing a sweatshirt? It’s boiling out there.”

“Because it makes me feel good.” Devin said to Ryan.

“You are very weird.”

“So are you.” Devin smiled.

“Wanna play Smash?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah.”

***

It was with unsure steps that Devin walked into the barber shop. His face was still hurting from the electrolysis session he just went to, and he really didn’t want to do the haircut today. But then he remembered his quote from the mall a few months ago: he had to do this today, or he never would.

“Hello… uh, sir?” The woman at the desk greeted him with uncertainty, not sure of his gender. It was a reaction Devin had grown used to.

Devin nodded his head without saying a word. School had just ended that day, and after a painfully boring awards ceremony the students were out early. When he got home, his parents were already packed to leave for their week-long vacation, and by noon they were gone. Now with his time alone, Devin had planned to get an electrolysis session, which was already done, and a haircut.

Devin’s hair had gotten kind of long, but it wasn't a long that could be considered feminine. No, it was a messy long, an unkempt long, a male long. And he needed it cut to a cleaner, more feminine short hair style. Sierra demanded it.

“So… what are you here for today?” The woman at the desk asked, shaking Devin out of his contemplations.

Not wanting to hear his male voice, Devin silently placed the money for a haircut on the desk and got out his phone showing the woman a picture of a pixie cut.

“Oh, really. Are you sure?”

Devin nodded.

“All right, we’ll be with you shortly.”

Devin sat on a chair in the waiting room.

***

Devin had his eyes closed as the barber was cutting his hair. He was deathly afraid they would give him a masculine haircut.

He knew the fear was probably a little silly, considering that he made it very clear what style he wanted his hair cut in, but he had heard enough haircutting horror stories to still have a lingering sense of fear.

Closing his eyes was also a risk, of course. If the barber was doing something wrong, he wouldn’t be able to say anything and possibly stop them.

He decided the risk was worth it.

***

“Okay, it’s all done.”

Devin slowly and hesitantly opened his eyes to see the final result in the long, wall length mirror. And when he did, he exhaled hard.

Most TG stories had a moment where the main character would see themselves as female for the first time. And whenever that happened, they would usually gasp in shock of their new form. They were often in complete awe of their new body and its beauty.

When Devin looked into that mirror and saw what looked like a teenage girl with a short pixie cut and no traces of facial hair, he felt like he was living that moment.

“Do you like it?” The barber asked.

Sierra silently shook her head, “yes”.

“That’s fantastic.” They smiled.

Sierra had to stop herself from crying. If she ever finished transitioning, it’d be moments like this that she’d remember, and cherish, for the rest of her life.

You can find story with these keywords: Shame and Desire, Read Shame and Desire, Shame and Desire novel, Shame and Desire book, Shame and Desire story, Shame and Desire full, Shame and Desire Latest Chapter