Chapter 17: Chapter 17: Farmer John had a farm

Chapter 17: Farmer John had a farm

What a wonderful day to be alive. I get up from my bed, and then go to the bathing area in my small farmhouse. Now, I could have built more rooms, but that would have taken from the space I wanted for the barn.

It is not like I see a problem with living in a cozy farm house. Why, my grandparents back on Earth had one much like this one. Ah, those were the days: chasing after the chickens, petting the lambs, milking the goats…

Suddenly, I see a squirrel on my windowsill. It is wearing full plate armor. I blink at that. Is it hungry? I think I have some pumpkin seeds left over from last week's baked pumpkin. I mean, I did want to sow them, come spring, but if the little guy is hungry, then I don't mind. Not really.

This world is strange, honestly. I limit my trading with the people from the city because they are strange. More than one gives me a nasty glare because I am a man, and want to look like a man.

Now, the locals allow me to understand that there is a way to turn into something like a trap. That is how they call it, not something I came up with, to rise my nose up at them.

Back on Earth, men could look like women, and women could look like men. But in here, the faces of the people take on the different gender, while their bodies look like their original gender. Now, my mama didn't raise no sorcerer, so, I won't play no part in any dark magic.

I have nothing against normal transgender people. They just use make up, and padding. In fact, I had a couple such friends back on Earth. You know, before I died.

I hear knocking from the window. The cute little guy is knocking on the window, and staring at me. Huh, I could have sworn that his eyes are narrowed. I wonder why?

I take the plate with the pumpkin seeds, and then open the window. Furthermore, I smile down at the squirrel.

"Hey there, little guy," the squirrel suddenly lunges at me, and takes a hold of my collar. I stay shocked, at the fact that a rodent would do such a thing. Wait, does that mean that squirrels in here eat meat? Like rats back home. I would rather not be squirrel chow. So, I hit the rodent away from me.

The fluff ball doesn't bulge, the full plate absorbing the hit. Instead, it sniffs at me. It keeps on sniffing, and then let's go of me.

I blink at it. My hand kind of hurts, from the strike I did on the plate. Hey, I could swear that there is a gambeson under the full plate. The critter even has a cute little helmet, and his tail is covered in plate, as if it is a horse's.

"Oh, sir, don't be mad at this man. He is no trap," a little lady says, as she climbs to the windowsill. She is clad entirely in green, and even has a cute little top hat.

"Good sir, do you perhaps have a bite to spare? We have been traveling long, and are famished," the little lady asks, hope shining in her eyes.

"Well, harvest is far from now," I begin, but the squirrel lets out a roar. It comes out squeaky, but I could swear that it has the look of a trained killer. "But I can see what I can spare. How many of you are there?"

"Everyone, come on out. This man is just a man, and not a trap," the little lady says, and then I see little people coming out of the garden and making their way to the farm house. Hm, they must have hidden in the pumpkin patch.

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The squirrel makes a “come here” motion with its hands. I don't approach it. Those fangs in its maw look sharp, and bloody.

"Good sir, we must ask you for your support. Our sir knight must go back to his army. He has uncovered a plot most foul. The Ultimate Hero of Fate, Joe, and the Demon Lord, Marius, also known as Marianna, must be informed," the little lady says. The squirrel makes another “come here” motion. I indulge it this time.

The squirrel does another roar, now in my ears. I understand perfectly then. If I am to oust this gathering to the traps of Alekdonia, the neighboring city, I am dead meat.

Now, one might ask why I shake in fear from a rodent. Well, what if it has rabies? They don't have syringes in this shithole. The most they will do, if I end up bitten, is to give me some mint to chew, probably.

"I understand, sir knight," I decide to refer to the squirrel the same way as the little lady. "I will keep mum."

The squirrel nods then, and waves me away.

As the leprechauns make themselves comfortable in the barn, I make sure there is enough of yesterday's stew for everyone. It is good that their tummies are small, and so, the pot empties just as the last leprechaun has had its fill.

Just as the squirrel makes to leave, it waves me over. I come to it, and it roars its squeaky roar in my ear. The message is clear. Betray the leprechauns, and die screaming.

"They are safe with me," I have never been more terrified in my life. This is no normal squirrel. It is some sort of vigilante, and everyone knows, those have more than one screw loose in their brains.

The question is, why did it pick this farm, to bring the little people? And, what would it have done if I were a trap?

Now, as weird as the traps of the city are, they mostly leave me alone. Sure, I have been burned a few times. They don't offer fair trade to non-traps. But still, mostly, they are just regular Joe's.

I am left alone with a barn full of mouths to feed, and with the setting sun giving me its last rays of warmth. Knowing full well that my peaceful life is over.

As Joe, the Ultimate Hero of Fate, claims, all reincarnators must band together against the traps. When sir Reginald led him to the site of his great victory, Joe knew pure horror.

For, the traps of this world were not like the traps of Earth. They ate things that talked, to change their faces. For that, he vowed to never rest, until the last trap has been brought to justice. This vow will see him before the truth about the origins of the traps.

But for John, who was just a regular farmer, the problem with too little space, and too many green clad refugees, remained. For, Sir Reginald kept on bringing more liberated leprechauns to him. Until, they were an army ready to be brought against the city of Alekdonia.

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