Chapter 34: Chapter 73 – Valeanor Messier

Valeanor was not adjusting well. This wasn't to say she was having a bad time here, or that she wasn't getting along with the others. She was. Everyone just humored her in their own way and played up to her snobbishness.

After Irapesha went to training, Cresta begged me until I agreed to whip up some hamburgers for her to eat. The queen elf entered the kitchen, drawn in by the savoury smell of beef and tangy sauce. She watched the ravenous feline devour the meal in a matter of seconds and gulped.

"May I inquire as to what you are eating?" Valeanor asked.

"Iht borghfer," Cresta replied with her mouth full and open, sending bits of the burger flying out.

"By the gods… Aside from your table manners needing work, I am rather curious about Earthen cuisines. Burgers are what you call food for the rabble, yes?" She curiously inspected the plate of beef patty goodness. A slender finger with a long nail poked at the cushiony bun.

"There's a lot of different kinds of burgers, and it isn't just for 'rabble' as you put it," I answered.

Valeanor took a seat one away from Cresta to avoid getting hit by scraps as she ate.

"I would like you to make me something fit for a queen. Go on now. Get to it," she urged.

"What… What would I even make?" I threw open the fridge, trying to come up with something.

Since we had some leftover rice and some beef stock, I cooked up an omurice. When I placed it in front of Valeanor's face, she was clearly unimpressed.

"What is this? Rice and eggs? This is fit for peasants, not me!" she declared.

"Now hold on." I drew the knife across the egg which split the creamy interior over the rice, then poured demi-glace sauce over the top for a deep-brown finish.

Valeanor gasped. "How did you do such a thing? Is it magic? 

"Having my cooking be equated to magic is probably the best compliment I've ever gotten. These guys just eat," I gestured to Cresta, whose face was covered in sauce after eating her fourth burger.

"This is… so heavenly…" The queen elf took one bite from the omurice and fell into a state of bliss. That rapturous ecstasy, however, lasted for only a second before she snapped back to her senses.

"Here, try this. It's a gourmet sauce that costs a whole lot of money to buy!" Cresta handed Valeanor a bottle of… ketchup sauce.

"An expensive red nectar?" She squeezed some onto her finger to taste and lit up like a light. Impressed by its taste, she drenched her omurice in it until the plate was red. "Y-Your tribute is accepted, but don't you dare think to feed me rice and eggs of all things next time— Unless it's this of course!"

Valeanor picked up her plate and utensils, including the ketchup bottle, flicked her hair, and went straight upstairs to eat alone.

"You just convinced her that ketchup was a gift from god." I sighed.

"I like Val! She's funny," Cresta said.

Since Valeanor occupied my room and by extension the bathroom in it, Ange no longer had access to it and went back to using the communal bathroom. Before, she would often waltz around the room naked to tease me, but because it wasn't available to her for the time being, she had enough sense to put on a bathrobe.

Ange and I bathed downstairs while no one was around, but as she was returning to her room, Valeanor exited from the master bedroom and walked right into the succubus.

"Y-You! How dare you strut around so indecently with those… those cumbersome things!" Valeanor pointed a trembling finger.

"What? You mean these?" Ange asked, opening her bathrobe to reveal even more cleavage. "You should be proud of your own, no matter how small they are."

Are you calling me flat?" She narrowed her eyes and folded her arms under her chest to make them appear slightly bigger."

"Okay, let's not fight about boob sizes! All sizes matter here!" I went between them before a fight broke out.

When I pushed them back, each hand was feeling a very different texture. One was soft like marshmallows, but the other was firm like a wall. I turned in the direction of the wall only to realize my palm on Valeanor's chest. She slapped me hard across the cheek, then retracted her arms to protect herself.

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"Ow… I deserved that…" My cheek burned so much, I didn't want to touch it.

"I'm sure you're the reason this caretaker has become so lecherous!" Valeanor accused the succubus.

Ange bursted into a hearty laughter.

"If only that were the case," she said, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Maybe it's just me, but it seems like you two are a lot friendlier than I thought despite being former enemies. Wasn't your kingdom destroyed by demons?" I asked Valeanor.

"Perhaps if it was anyone else. As it happens, I helped Ange escape from her ilk and sent her to that shambling bag of bones Tarcosa," the elf casually replied.

"Valeanor treated me very well. Though that was likely due to our aligning interests to end the demon lord's reign," Ange added, then grew somber. "I owe you an apology. It is because they caught wind of my actions that your kingdom was laid waste to."

The elven queen turned the other cheek and spun around to head back into her room.

"You needn't apologize. We won. That is all that should matter," she said, shutting the door behind her.

Ange placed a hand on my stinging cheek and healed the wound away.

"Valeanor may be difficult," the succubus began, "but she has sacrificed more than any of us have in the Calamitous War."

Later at night, everyone with the exception of Valeanor was downstairs playing video games on the TV. Irapesha came home with a fat order of burgers for dinner.

"I figured you deserve a treat for holding back for as long as you did," she said of Cresta, setting the meal onto the counter for everyone to pick what they wanted.

"Oh… Uh… Thanks, Pesha! You're the best!" Cresta exclaimed.

Irapesha put her one arm on her hip and glared. "Did you eat burgers today?"

"No…" She averted her gaze.

"Remmy!" Ines chased after one of the slime clones."You can't just take five for yourself because you can split into multiple slimes!" 

Ange lifted Tamara and Rakka onto a seat, but a shift in movement from the hallway caught their attention. Valeanor was awkwardly peeking in and seemed unsure of joining in.

"Why don't you bring our new tenant over to join us?" I suggested to Tamara, knowing full well that Valeanor was weak to the sheep girl.

"Okay!" Tamara hopped off her seat and raced out of the living room, then returned a second later, pulling Valeanor in by her hand.

"Wait— A queen such as myself has no interest in playing!" The elf allowed herself to be pulled despite the protests.

Tamara pushed Valeanor up to the island counter and dragged out a seat for her. "Let's eat together! Have you tried hamburgers yet? Cresta really loves them. They're so juicy and sweet!"

"F-Fine. I suppose I shall avail myself to one." Valeanor grabbed a hamburger out of the bag, dragging several ketchup packets out with it. She picked one of them up. "Is this what I think it is…?"

"It's ketchup. There's plenty more inside the bag. Should I have asked for more packets?" Irapesha asked, holding a teary-eyed Cresta up by the scruff of her neck.

"It seems… they are more abundant and inexpensive than I was told… Someone has some explaining to do!" she exclaimed.

"Uh-oh… Pesha, let me go! Quick! Uaaahhh!" Cresta struggled to escape from Irapesha's hold, allowing Valeanor to take her anger out on the retired assassin by pulling on her cheeks.

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