Chapter 48: 44. Contacting the Booty Bandits

Late afternoon was rolling by, and the rusty orange light of an August sun sketched black the worsening conditions of the neighborhoods nearest to the junkyard. The closer to the junkyard a person lived, the quicker you'd want to find the nearest shelter before dark. The bumpier the ride, too.

The bus Jay rode on was getting closer to his destination when a message from Lilith appeared on his phone. Jay didn't mind the distraction Lilith provided after watching half a dozen section 8 neighborhoods pass by.

Lilith: 'There are too many questions and little time spent with the deity. It seems you've had plenty of time with her. Has she gone into further depth on the calamity that doomed her people and left her alone in our universe?'

Jay winced. He hadn't asked much about it or explored near that angle. Other things were on his mind. Perhaps the great climb to showing the System Admins the error of their ways had many more steps than Jay had arrogantly thought.

Jay: 'No, I've gotten caught up with other things. Sorry, Lil. Maybe you would've dug into that if we hadn't been interrupted.'

Lilith: 'Do not be sorry. Help me convince Mike to accept magic stimulant cocktail injections. <3'

Jay laughed, humored and surprised. He hadn't seen Lilith cut loose and joke around this much before. This sounded like a good time to see how she was doing with the whole Champion thing.

But first, he tried to feed her a summary of system stuff he'd learned last night. They initially talked about it at the potluck when the Rebel Angels decided to make a move.

By the time he finished summing up what YoAnna had taught him, walls of text had filled his messages with Lilith. Jay winced at how poorly he'd done to convey his knowledge succinctly.

Lilith: 'This is good information to know. I've reasoned that my [Snake Boon] would improve my toxin creations. I didn't realize it also improved my Agility and Discovery while creating toxins or antidotes. And it hurts the Conviction of others. Very nice.'

Jay: 'I like my [Monkey Boon]. Kicks my Agility and Discovery into higher gear during serious or playful moments. And it touches on Chance a lot.'

Lilith: 'I'll resend your messages to the others in Team Booty Bandits.'

Jay paused. Both out of sheer amusement for the team name and because his stop came up. It was the last one, but it was an hour's walk away from the junkyard itself.

Jay had only been to Junkside with his mom when they'd wanted to look around for furniture or stuff they could recycle anew before his mom blew up as a writer.

Following the procession of weary and beatdown bus riders off the bus, Jay slipped his phone and hands into his hoodie's pouch and looked around. Anything past this bus stop was considered Junkside. Jay could see stacks of metal towers from the sprawling and massive public dump, regardless of the distance. The heap of junk and trash collected from every populated zone around the city, some small, some large, gave a scent that was a flying kick to the nostrils.

Jay gladly pulled back his sense of smell. The bus riders departed from around him undisturbed. As if they didn't register the smell of a giant landfill baked under an August sun in Central Florida.

"Ugh, that stinks," Kleo complained into his ear.

Jay nodded as he lingered around the bus stop to get orientated. In the opposite direction of the junkyard, the section 8 housing petered out. Random homes strewn about haphazardly poked out between huge lots of overgrown grass and tossed aside junk that didn't make it to the mega dump itself.

It was only a dozen steps before Jay found a large, worn-down tractor tire to stand on. From there, he looked toward Junkside. He saw a mishmash of urban life made wild. How trailer parks, sheet metal cities, and a million breaks in construction code could happen was a mystery to him. Must be a lot of corruption going around.

However it happened, Jay could tell the people here lived by their own communal rules.

Now it dawned on him that he was out of his element. He wondered if the MPC Spooks trailing him knew the area or if they were out of their element too.

Jay took a seat on the tire and whipped out his phone.

"I wanna know what you're writing," Kleo said. "But I can't read."

Jay froze to think. A strange answer came up. "Maybe I can get Hailey to teach you."

"Who's that?"

"A girl from Team Divine. We'll meet them sooner or later," Jay said as he thumbed a message to Lilith.

Jay: 'There's a lot I want to know about how things went with Team Booty Bandits (awesome name, btw). But I just got to the edge of Junkside, and I'm getting that I'm-way-over-my-head feeling. : o

Lilith: 'Like usual?'

Jay: 'Clearly, you know me so well.'

Lilith: 'We'll catch up about our experiences later. What brings you to Junkside?'

Jay: 'Power exploration. I got crazy stuff going on with my gravity thingies. Kleo adds a lot of layers to me.

Lilith: 'It was the highest level of cruelty for you to show me Kleo in confidence and not to let me examine her.'

Jay: 'Kleo is a little put off by the thought of being under your scientific care.'

He still remembered that moment in daycare when he found Lilith pulling the wings off a butterfly with a smile. She scared him so much he wanted to be her friend to face that fear.

Lilith: 'I've dissected many things, Jay, but I wouldn't do that to your [Faerie].'

Jay: 'Lilith. You had that let's-play-with-scalpels look on your face. <_<'

Lilith: 'I'm very certain you saw something that didn't exist. c:'

Jay: 'You drooled.'

Lilith: 'The food was that tasty.'

Jay: 'You'll have to convince Kleo when we meet again.'

Lilith: 'Most excellent.'

Jay imagined Lilith tapping her fingers together with a small but scary smile. Kleo shivered against his neck, sensing the scary factor through their [Faerie Master] connection.

Lilith: 'To ensure we meet again instead of having you disappear in a Junkside ditch, I'll message the Junker Twins. You should link up with them or follow their directions if you all can't meet. I'll let Brit know you're not too far from her. She lives in the S8 neighborhoods right before Junkside proper.'

Jay: 'Quick question, how is Brit as a team leader? Also, another quick question, did all of Team Booty Bandits reach the mid-teens in level?'

Lilith: 'Thank you, Jay, for urging me to remove your peeping eye from the socket for personal study. Fortunately, I'm an old hand at suppressing myself.'

Jay: 'I appreciate you not going mad scientist on me.'

Lilith: 'As for your questions, Brit, as a team leader, has my approval. And no, I'm the only one that reached Level 15. Rick and Tim finished at Level 9. Brit at Level 8.'

Jay paused, considering the implications. The biggest clue was Lilith's Title [Princess of Extermination]. He carefully typed out his next message.

Jay: 'The dungeon enemies were straight-up monsters, right? No chance of redemption or anything?'

Lilith: 'The Ratlings and Ratners deserved absolute destruction of the highest order. I'm very pleased with the results. I'm also pleased that my team accepts most of my proclivities if not all. However, I find Brit quite interesting as another moral opposite. Which leads me to wonder who will win between us, on moral standpoints, of course.'

Jay: 'Is Brit someone who'll get shaken when it comes to faith?'

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Lilith: 'I don't care if she is or isn't. I can't wait to strip her of her beliefs and show her the amazing simplicity of our reality. Having the inclination, the adroitness, and the mission to kill is what humans are made for in our evolutionary process to murder and consume to the top. <3'

Jay shuddered. Ah, yeah, that was Lilith, all right.

It was funny how much Mister Hernandez worried that Jay would negatively influence Lilith. It was honestly the other way around sometimes. Jay had to recheck his morality when around her. Especially if Mike wasn't nearby to challenge Lilith and battle back whatever philosophy she subscribed to and tried to spread.

Lilith: 'I apologize if I scared you a little, Jay. I've never been so open about my opinions. I know the American Diablos are reading our texts, but I don't care. This Champion business fills me with excitement and freedom I've never felt before.'

Jay: 'No full-on evil business, and we'll be alright.'

Lilith: 'Yes, of course. You have my word I won't exterminate half of humanity on earth to mitigate overpopulation and rapid reduction of resources. Maybe only a quarter if we're truly desperate. ;)'

Jay: '...'

Lilith: 'I'm joking, of course. >:^)'

***

Jay had an enlightening and hilarious phone conversation with the Junker Twins. Despite being rumored drug dealers, troublemakers, and lowest of the low of Americans, none of that stopped Rick and Tim from putting themselves in any circle. They were the type of dudes Jay could click with almost instantly. After you got past the scary thuggish disposition that surrounded them, of course.

Jay hadn't interacted with them much before this, too. There were those social barriers. Like the one between him and Dennis. Jay hadn't known the Superjock could be a little geekish and an overall good guy until they started flying around fighting monsters together.

Part of this Champion business Jay was growing to like were these myriad personalities involved. It was almost sad the Junker Twins had obligations and couldn't meet up with Jay today. He'd have to get around on his own.

He repeated the incredibly blunt and straightforward directions Tim gave him word for word. It would lead him to the best spot for his needs.

"Thanks, guys. I appreciate this a lot," Jay said on the phone.

"Would that appreciation extend toward looking at our wares of mentally stimulating and soul-touching medicinal products?" Rick asked with a musical and fun tone. "We have a fancy website you can order from!"

Jay blinked.

"Did you just openly advertise drugs on a phone call?" Jay asked. "And I probably shouldn't have said that."

His 30 Intellect wanted to slap him. He was at half Intellect power instead of full capacity. But full capacity Intellect was a little too critical and thoughtful for Jay.

"We're good," Tim answered with a deep grunt. "We got that government protection."

"Think about it, Jay-o-boy," Rick said. "We're in with top secret scientists, top secret military people, top secret everything. All because they need us to crawl into the stinking guts of those dungeons! This is so big, the IRS can't even touch us!"

Damn.

It was a big deal if the IRS couldn't do anything. They were one of the few things his mom feared!

Jay felt mesmerized by the Junker Twins of all people for grounding the situation further.

"So, we can literally do anything?" Jay asked.

"As long as we maintain our specialness and fight some truly hideous monsters," Rick said.

"Kill ugly monsters," Tim said. "Get magic powers. Save the universe. Maybe meet magic girls, too."

"And it doesn't have to be in that exact order either," Rick said with a chuckle. "Though, what Team Booty Bandits faced in the Ratling Bog Dungeon was mostly kill only."

"Well, gents, hopefully, we'll get you some proper monster girl waifus," Jay joked. "Heroes like you deserve such."

There was a sudden lull in the conversation. Jay started to worry that he had gotten a little too nerdy.

"I'm afraid to ask this and bring judgment upon myself for my ignorance," Rick said. "But I must know. What is a monster girl waifu?"

Jay laughed into the palm of his hand. "It'll work out better if I show you at school. You're still going to school, right?"

"How dare you accuse us of dismissing school just because we're magical badasses now," Rick said. "Where else will we get our best customers now that we can ramp up business?"

"It's all clean, by the way," Tim said. "We don't mess with fentanyl or any of that bull."

"If you ever meet anybody pushing that around school or your hood, clue us in on the double," Rick said, his musical voice turning serious.

"Uh, why?" Jay asked. He didn't know too much about this stuff. Rum was his primary drug. And maybe the occasional herb.

"There's stuff out there that kills people, Jay," Tim said plainly.

"We have plenty of ditches that need filling for anyone who pushes bad products," Rick added. "Those bumbling idiots are cutting into our bottom line."

"Good business requires repeat customers," Tim finished.

Jay shuddered. If Brit was the traditionally moral person of Team Booty Bandits, then she truly had her work cut out for her, which confronted Jay's thoughts on Frank having it harder as leader of Team FAAHI (ignoring the fact that he'd lost his arm).

Team Booty Bandits could be one super intense and challenging day away from being a team of villains.

***

"YoAnna really did pick the most extreme teenagers you can find," Jay said after he repeated Tim's directions once more and ended the call.

"I like Team Booty Bandits," Kleo said. "They'll be the best heroes when things get super dark, and you need the darkest heroes to solve the darkest problems."

"The anti-hero team, huh?"

"The funny and scary anti-hero team!"

Jay chuckled as he got down from the tractor tire.

Gravel, broken beer bottle glass and countless cigarette butts crunched under his sneakers.

The late afternoon was waning into the evening, tinting the air deep dark orange with highlights of purple. The junkyard looked like a picturesque photo from an early 90s apocalyptic heavy metal album.

The Junkside shanty neighborhoods sprawled between him and his destination painted an almost alien world compared to traditional America. Especially when people started stringing up various lanterns and lights for the oncoming night. A cacophony of roaring generators, music crackling through old radio sets, distinct voices from different cultures meshing with local Junker dialect, and the occasional staccato of distant gunfire filled the air upon the approach of Jay, Kleo, and the MPC pair tagging along a hundred feet behind Jay.

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