Chapter 19: -19- Chigusa’s Bad Date

I was still sitting at the desk, and Chigusa remained standing, naked, blocking the exit from the room.

“I’m pretty sure it was like the fourth week of summer break when I was invited to a mixer.  I’m not really one to go to those, but they needed a third, and well, I wasn’t doing much at the time so I agreed to go.”

The emotions on her face didn’t improve at all, so I already understood the mixer event didn’t go well.

“We all met up at a karaoke place instead of somewhere more public, like a café.  The three guys who came were all college students.  Those two already singled out the guys they were interested in, which left me on the hook with the last one.  From the outside, he was pretty good looking, but it’s not like I was exactly interested just because of that.” 

She leaned against the door, and sighed.

“Now, at first it was straightforward.  We all introduced ourselves, and tried to get a relaxed mood going.  But, well, you were my only experience, and I’m not an easy girl, even if you think I am.  After a number of songs, some food and drinks came, and since at least one of them was old enough, there was alcohol involved.”

“And you couldn’t refuse?”

“I refused.  Mom always worried about situations like this happening to me, so I had one beer, but I took baby sips just to keep up appearances.  After a few rounds of singing, those two started getting comfy with the other guys, and the guy I was stuck with was also trying to do the same.  Even if he was good looking, I was nervous as shit, okay?”

I nodded.

“While they were all getting warmed up with kissing and petting and stuff, I was the only one not… participating, and well, I got pressured to not be so uptight.  So I tried to bear with it for a bit to see if it did get better, but I really wasn’t feeling it.  However that’s exactly what he was trying to do.  Feel me up.”

She once crossed her arms covering her chest and hiding her scar from me.

“Anyway, this guy tries to get my shirt off, and when he gets it high enough, my bra lifts up a little and he catches sight of my scar.  Out of nowhere he starts making fun of me, calling me hurtful shit like splitty titties.  Shota, even my friends didn’t know about my scar up until this point, so they were surprised about it too when it was revealed, but it wasn’t just him, even the other two guys they were messing around with also laughed along with their friend.” 

“I see… that must have been painful.”

“No shit!  It was my worst nightmare.  Because from that point, the guy got all haughty, like, how could some girl with a disfigured body think she could match up to a hunk like him.  So, he must have thought it was now suddenly alright for him to just do whatever he wanted.  And that’s exactly what that fucker tried to do.”

“You… were molested?”

“I was groped, yeah.  But my friends had my back and when they started saying shit was fucked up, I found an opportunity to break away from that asshole and started cursing everyone there out.  Then I left the room, but I didn’t even speak to them for like weeks!”

She looked down at her breasts, still covered up in the personal shame and violation she felt.

“There are guys like that out there, Shota.  I know that a guy who could say something like that so easily to me, would do the same thing to me that my dad had done to my mom.  After it happened I stayed the night with another one of my friends, one I keep a pretty good low-key friendship with, and we got to talking about what happened.  I got lectured by her for dumping you for just thinking of you as boring… but it’s not like I thought you were really boring.  You just always seemed uninterested in me, and it was always the opposite…  I was really interested in you!”

“You were?” I asked, a bit unbelieving.

“Like I said, why else would I have given you my precious first time?  Do you remember what happened afterwards that night?”

“Yeah, you cried a lot.” I said, recalling it well enough.

“I cried because you barely reacted, Shota.  It hurt… when we did it!  I bled a lot, and you didn’t even really seem to care.  You just sat there on the couch after you came inside of me like you were expecting something more.  It was like I wasn’t even good enough at sex to put a smile on your face!  I thought I was wrong about you at that time… that you were just… uncaring!  That my first time meant nothing to you!  I mean, I heard it was supposed to hurt a little, but it was really painful!”

It was my turn to reply.

“I cared about it, but… I… didn’t know what to do or what to expect.  To be honest, I didn’t even really think it was your first time.  With the way you behave with the friends you have… I figured you’d… at least had a guy before me.”

Her face turned to anger when I said that.

“There wasn’t then nor has there been after anyone but you, Shota!  I was messed up after that mixer, and the advice I got from my low-key friend was to just… get back with you.  I called my mother the next day, and even she said the same thing!  You might have been uncaring, but maybe that was my fault?  Maybe you really did feel forced into dating me, and I know I can come on a little strong.  So, I thought I’d just push my way back in again to your life, and show you my real feelings… properly this time… make it so there were no regrets about what happened.”

“Chigusa…”

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to show you my body when we had sex.  I… wanted you to want to see it.  You didn’t even ask to see my tits, or sniff my panties!  Not once!  You didn’t behave like any of my friend’s boyfriends did!  You weren’t perverted at all… That’s why I wondered if you even cared… that I was your girlfriend.”

Was that how she truly thought I felt?

“Chigusa… I didn’t honestly think you’d let me get that far.  You always did things at your own pace and I felt like I was less of a boyfriend to you and more of an… accessory.  Something you showed off when you felt like it, and I was in shock after you suddenly said you wanted to have sex that day.  I… was way unprepared.  I didn’t think our relationship was anywhere close to that level of intimacy, and it was over quickly, too.  I felt like… I seriously disappointed you because of that.  Plus… you kept saying it hurt, so I thought I… did something irreparable to you.  I felt guilty, and didn’t know… how to respond to the situation!”

“You didn’t disappoint me… it’s like I said, it hurt like hell.  I don’t know if your thing is one of the bigger ones, but it hurt like hell going in.  All my friend say sex is like wet and squishy, but it didn’t feel like that at all!”

“I’m sorry for hurting you.  And… you’re right about that… It's supposed to be wet and squishy.  I um… with your mother…”

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“Don’t.  What’s done is done.  It would have probably hurt no matter who I did it with…”  

She sniffled a bit.

“So, there’s just one last piece left…”

She reached for her panties and slowly pulled them down. She was clean and hairless down there.  It was a pristine pink pussy I was looking at now.  Apparently the only man it had ever known was me.  And in a way, I had betrayed the virtue she had entrusted me with.

“What do you think?  I don’t have a lot of hair anyway, so I just keep it shaved.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“It belongs to you, Shota.  Even if you don’t want it…”

“Chigusa…”

“I know already.  I’m just saying what I want to say, isn’t that why you’re here?  To listen to me until the end?”

She silenced me with those words.

Then she slowly put back on all her clothes.

“That’s… it.  I’ll… leave the house tomorrow.  I just felt like… this much had to be done between us.  What we had was interrupted, that’s why I won’t accept your marriage with my mom.  I’ll still try and win you back no matter what!”

I sighed.  So she wasn’t going to give up that easily?

“Alright, you don’t have to leave the house.  Just… can you not go crazy all the time?  I can’t do anything about how you feel, but when you dumped me, I took that personally.  I was depressed for a whole month, and it was your mother who pulled me out of that depression.  I may have been hasty in proposing marriage to her, but I’m old enough to have made that decision.  I don’t regret it.”

She shook her head.

“Well I do!  I’m crazy for you, Shota!  The thought that mom gets to have you whenever she wants and that you keep telling me I don’t even have a chance anymore drives me insane.  So… I can’t not… go… crazy.”

I sighed.

“Just get some sleep.  We have to figure out something, because this… isn’t going to work.  I’m not your father, nor do I want to be.  But I am Mayuri-san’s husband now, and that’s something I do want to be.  We have our history, and it’s out there in the open, but I’m… not a player, I’m not a cheater… I’m just trying to be a good guy, for her now, like I tried to be for you, if you would have let me.”

She walked over to me.

“I want a hug.  Just a hug, that’s all.”

How could I not at least give her a hug after she just spilled her life trauma to me, and brought some crushing guilt down onto my shoulders?  I’m not a villain.

“Thank you, papa.  You can go back and enjoy your sleep with mama now.”

I left her room after we hugged safely, but not before a pillow struck me in the back of the head before I exited.  When I re-entered my bedroom, Mayuri-san was there, sitting up on the bed waiting for me.

I walked over to her and knelt between her legs, placing my head in the soft patch of her thighs that when spread a bit further led to my sexual comfort.  Without asking her, I pushed my face in and began to kiss her all over.

“Shota?”

“I did what you asked.” I put my hands on her legs and gently pushed them apart, “Now I’m doing what I want.”

In this place, the two were different.  There was nothing here that looked like Chigusa.  There was no childish innocence hiding behind a bitch gyaru exterior.  This was just the woman who took care of my needs.  The woman who made me feel like I was a part of a family again.

I dove in gently, and she let me.  Her hands ran through my hair as I put Chigusa out of my mind, and I overwrote any sense of guilt or regret I would have had with my indulgence of the woman I love with all of my being.

As I greedily proved my affection belonged only to her, she only whispered quietly after she was satisfied that she loved me.  I climbed up onto the bed and allowed myself to be kept by her.

Usually it is her sleeping on my shoulder, but tonight it was me nestled in her arms, with my face buried in my wife’s lovely breasts.  I didn’t need to say anything else.  I just kept my thoughts to myself and fell asleep.

I couldn’t remember what I dreamed about, but without her there, I know it would have been a restless night for me.  I wonder since Chigusa didn’t have anyone else, if it was restless for her too?

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