Chapter 48: -16- More Memories of a Freeloader

~~** Tachibana Mayuri’s Point of View **~~

My headache finally subsided.

“Feeling better?”  Kanna-chan asked me.

“Not really, but at least the headache is gone.”

“Want to talk about it now?”

“Yeah, might as well… I’m sober enough.”

Kanna-chan sat down on the couch and let me use her lap to support my tired legs.

“I saw Daigo yesterday, entirely by accident.”

“That explains the hangover.”

“It does, but it doesn’t explain what I did to Shota because of that.”

“And what did you do to Shota?”

“I got drunk, got really, really insecure, and tried to push for a threesome with the intention of letting Chigusa sleep with him.”

“Mayu… are you an idiot?”

Before I could reply, she let me know I was indeed an idiot, because I gave birth to Chigusa, who is most definitely an idiot.  I could always trust Kanna-chan to give it to me straight, and that’s exactly what I needed right now.

“I think you have an unhealthy fixation with your daughter.” She said, not exactly missing the mark.

“I missed her, Kanna-chan.  She quit trying to be my daughter when she was so young… you know she changed after that happened. Though it was a slow change, I was to blame by never trusting her to be alone, not in the kitchen or anywhere else for that matter.  I wonder if I ever gave her a moment of peace.  When she became a delinquent, I was at a complete loss on what to do, because I know my own actions drove her to it.  Without her there, and Daigo being Daigo… I was alone, Kanna-chan.  I was completely alone.”

Kanna-chan gently stroked my leg as she tried to comfort me.

“Alright, so you let the kid sleep with your daughter.  It’s not like he didn’t do it before, right?”

“That’s the thing.  He didn’t… and she didn’t either.”

“Huh?  What do you mean?”

“I mean, I set it all up, and when it came time, they wouldn’t go through with it.”

“He wouldn’t cheat on you with your daughter even with permission?”

“Kanna-chan… do you think it’s possible to truly understand the heart of another person?”

“Sure.  I mean, it’d be like that one in a billion person who did, but I think it’s possible.  Why?”

“Because I think Shota and I have that.”

“And you think this is the case because you tried to get him to sleep with Chigusa and he didn’t?”

“No.”

“O~kay?  Then why?”

“Because he understood me.  He knew I was completely shaken by seeing Daigo again, and didn’t know how to deal with my raw emotions.  I wanted to cling on to him, and I did.  He said everything I needed to hear, and I still was a fool and asked him to do something like that when I knew he wouldn’t want to.  He acquiesced, but... he didn’t enjoy it one bit.”

“Is this going to need alcohol to all come out?”

“Who knows?”

Kanna-chan checked her phone.

“Maybe you might just be one of the lucky ones.”

“Why do you say that?” I begged the question.

She passed me her phone where I saw she received a text message from my husband.

「If my wife is there, will you please accommodate her?  If she needs anything, I’ll reimburse you for whatever she needs, even time.  Just don’t leave her alone.」

I stared at the screen and let the phone drop onto my stomach.

“He really is one in a billion, because that’s what I want more than anything, only an afterthought of his, but one that not even Daigo or Chigusa ever understood about me.”

“Okay, so you love the kid and you think you messed up.  But do you think being here is going to solve your problems back home?"

"Yes.  I think they will... because Shota understands me.  It’s not like I haven’t run off on him before, and the fact that I said I wouldn’t do exactly this to him last night then did exactly this to him this morning, and all he says to you, is to give me everything I want and to not leave me alone…”

“You’re nuttier than I thought.” Kanna-chan judged.

“I am.  Just like I’m sure right now that Chigusa is going to do her best to seduce my husband while I’m away.”

“Is that what you really want?”

“He’s not Daigo.  If he wants to sleep with her, it’s fine with me.  He understands what it means to betray me, and he won’t let it happen.  I think it’s fine to let him have some alone time to sort his feelings with Chigusa and the baby out.”

“So cheating on you with your daughter isn’t betraying you?”

“Not being in my bed at night is the betrayal.  Waking up cold and alone is the betrayal.”

“I feel like this conversation doesn’t make any sense.  Are you upset he didn’t have sex with your daughter, then?”

“Not at all.  I’m glad he’s not philandering, however I’m just saying it’s fine as long as he comes back to me and doesn’t leave me alone.”

“But you left Daigo for having a loose willy.”

“Daigo… abandoned me a long time ago, Kanna-chan.  Catching him was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

“Mayumayu…”

“Yeah?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I am, but there’s some good news to come out of this.”

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“There is?”

“We might have a new drinking partner!”

“Huh?”

“Shota’s ex-wife!” I said loudly and proudly!

At that point, Kanna-chan got up, and proceeded to beat me with a prickly wool throw pillow until she was satisfied.  I couldn’t stop laughing as she did.

Having my husband reimburse my friend for my stay was unnecessary.  I had a bank card and a purse full of cash that Shota gave me.  I wasn’t misusing it at all, since all the bills were taken care of, and we went grocery shopping yesterday.

As a peace offering for my stay, I offered to cook for the newlywed couple.  Kanna-chan was many things, but anything that didn’t need to be deep fried was beyond her.  How she could eat such food every day and not put on weight or height was a mystery to me.

Well, we had a KFC in Sapporo where we grew up, and that was where she had a part-time job.  I imagine some habits are truly hard to break.  Speaking of breaking a habit.  I noticed I was out of cigarettes.

I’d head out the store later, when I figured out what I would cook for them, in the meantime, my thoughts went back to the summertime, when I was fed up staying in the guest room here after the pleasant week I spent with my yet-to-be husband, and listening to these two go at it with the intent of making a baby.

This was of course after she came with me to see Daigo that same Sunday I left Shota’s house.  I confronted him, I told him how hurt I was, and that I never wanted to see him again.  Kanna-chan’s husband owns a car, and Yusuke was actually outside waiting in it just in case something unforeseen happened.  

Kanna-chan and I packed my shit up, and got the hell out of there.  Daigo didn’t even try to stop me, and that hurt me immensely.

Fast forward to Friday, where I had been stewing on the reality of my failed relationship with a man who I began to question if he ever really loved me for me, and not my bangin’ body from a decade or more ago.

I was sulking, and doing my best not to complain about their baby making activities as I stayed that week with them, so Kanna-chan told me to get lost if it bugged me when I must have let it slip at some point.  She gave me 5,000 yen and I did exactly that.  I went to my favorite bar, got smashed, and thought I’d end up back here ready to drop into the abyss of soundless sleep.

Instead, I found myself walking to his place.  I hadn’t forgotten what that boy said while I was staying with my friend.

“If there’s ever a time you need to… get away, you are welcome here.”

I needed to get away, and when I get drunk, I tend to let my feelings take over.  When I made it to his house, I remember him answering the door, the feeling of seeing him made me warm.  I remembered that much.

Shota was there, and I was happy to not be alone again.

After that, the next thing I remember was staring up at the familiar unfamiliar ceiling.  As if it was a routine, I went outside onto his kitchen porch for my morning smoke and cup of coffee, and found Shota was there to join me before I finished.

I apologized to him again for being a sloppy woman who kept intruding into his life, but he was more concerned about my state of mental health.  He listened to me as I told him about my breaking up with Daigo.  He listened to me complain about my current situation staying with Kanna-chan and her husband, and he just genuinely listened to me.

He was there for me, and made me feel anything but alone.

Then he went and said something that shook my heart, which had been put through the wringer because of Daigo.  He wanted me to stay with him again, he wanted me to take care of him again.  I misunderstood at the time what he really meant by those words… because I didn’t truly understand yet that he also felt lonely, like I did.

Truth be told, I wanted to stay here with him.

I felt appreciated here by this young man, and I did see him as a man.  A much younger man, since he was the same age as my daughter, but a man nonetheless.  He didn’t care that I was a sloppy drunk with emotional baggage.  He wanted my company and maybe a bit more and I was… willing to accommodate.

Why should I have to hold back anymore?

Why not have a fun time with a strapping young man who was packing something I might just very well enjoy?  I’m only going to get older as the years pass, and Daigo hasn’t really touched me in forever.  Why shouldn’t I be allowed to be free to do what I wanted to do, too?

I asked him for some time to think about it.  I made him breakfast which he still complimented me on, as if it was a mandatory thing for him to do so, and something I deeply appreciated.

I appreciate being appreciated for all my hard work.  Chigusa and Daigo had long forgotten how to do that, and well… I was charmed.

I ended up going back to Kanna-chan’s house for a bit, and said I’d give her some space, since I had a place I could crash at for a little while.  I made sure to pay her back that 5,000 in the form of some excellent housekeeping, and then packed up a small roller luggage cart with my necessities and headed over to Shota’s, leaving the rest of my things in her spare room.

I was invited to stay, and rent at his place only increased from three meals a day, to three meals a day and a lay.  Considering I was jobless, you couldn’t beat that kind of rent in the current housing market.

Shota… was happy to have me.

I mean it, he was happy that I was there.  I wasn’t a maid to him, nor even a roommate.  He was genuinely happy to have Hanazono Mayuri there with him.  Only he didn’t have Hanazono Mayuri.  Because I… couldn’t keep my end of the bargain.

At least, I couldn’t do it while sober.

We got along perfectly.  I wished I could have had him for a boyfriend instead of Daigo.  I wished he was the one I spent the last twenty years with, but he wasn’t even a twinkle in his father’s eye back then.

He never once pressured me into keeping to the other part of the deal.  I cooked for him, did everything like usual, and he even romanced me a bit, taking me out on shopping and dinner dates and the like.  I kept searching for a sign that he wanted me to keep my end of that bargain.  That he wanted me to join him for the night, but he never once pressed it.  I even ended up talking about my daughter to see if it would be a deterrent, but he didn’t even mind that.

It was slowly driving me mad.

Because even though I promised, I wasn’t sure I could go through with it. That’s when I knew I needed to borrow the help of some alcohol.  Not just for him, but for me too.

Because I needed to get over Daigo.

I found my resolve at the end of the week, on Sunday.  Shota asked me if I wanted to do anything, and I told him I wanted to cut loose and get drunk.  He didn’t have a problem with my request and even made it easier by suggesting we have another couch session and order in some pizza again.

I thought it funny that Chigusa would love a kid like this, but I’m the one here instead of her.  Hah!

I limited myself to enough beer to get me easily in the mood, and started working up my courage slowly, by teasing and being a bit more hands-on with him.  Eventually he retreated to his room, and I… was prepared.

I came at him with a piece of lingerie I bought a long time ago and never got a chance to use.  Shota was surprised when I barged in his room, but it’s his own fault for not locking the door.

I… didn’t know how far I was going to go with him, but at least, I was going to give him something good.

However, I had no idea how wrong I misunderstood it.

He didn’t want my body.  He just wanted me.

I was so upset by my own stupidity at misunderstanding, I felt like I had to throw up, and I did.  I dashed out of his bedroom and heaved away the pizza from earlier into the toilet.  And he was there moments later, pulling my hair away from my face while I was on my knees praying my guts out.

Then he confessed to me.

To the used up Hanazono Mayuri, he confessed like the innocent boy he was.  It wasn’t that he didn’t desire me, he did.  But he wanted to desire me properly.  He wanted my permission to be loved.  He wanted me to value myself, like he valued me.  I had long ago forgotten my own worth, but he saw it, and he wanted me to see it as well.

He imparted to me how much he knew what it was like to be alone.

He didn’t need to say another word past it, but maybe it’s because he liked to write stories that his words kept hitting the right marks.  I fell for him right there.  I asked him if it was really okay for him to be loved by someone like me.

And he validated me.

I agreed to become his lover, and a few days later, that’s exactly what happened.  I got drunk again, and squeezed the boy so dry with my bedroom skills, he asked me to marry him.

Of course such a decision couldn’t be made by myself, so… I retreated to Kanna-chan’s temporarily.  Just like I did this time, too.

But I would return eventually, the next time with Kanna-chan in tow to make sure I wouldn’t make a bad choice.  She was my voice of reason, and I needed her, then and now, more than ever.

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