Chapter 258: Reacts

Tucker and Caboose are running out of the base, with Wash and Carolina trailing behind.

Tucker: Come on, what are y'all waiting for? We're wasting time!

Washington: Take it easy, Tucker, we have to think about this!

Tucker: What is there to think about?

Caboose: Yes, Church needs help!

Washington: How is this even possible?! There was... nothing left of Epsilon after that last battle.

Tucker: You don't have to tell me that! I have a pretty fucking vivid memory of the whole thing! Which is entirely why the hell we need to get on this now! We owe him one! Several! A million!

Carolina: He said "Alpha" ...could it be the original Church A.I.?

Tucker: Who fucking cares, it's Church! Our friend! Or my friend at least!

Carolina: HEY! Church means a lot to me too! More than I think you realize. I'm not happy about the situation either, but we have to be realistic. Any successful operation begins with intelligence.

Tucker: We've never needed intelligence before!

Washington: It's a huge galaxy, and we don't have a way to trace that message.

Tucker: Well standing around and talking ain't gonna accomplish shit! That's all we ever do and we never get anything done!

Carolina: The other factor is that we have leads on the Freelancers' side of this. Washington and I have some old friends we can check up on.

Tucker: So you want to go on a fucking Freelancer adventure while Church is in trouble. GIVE ME A BREAK!

Washington: Going after Church means tracing that signal, which is not something we can do on our own. For that, we're gonna need some help.

Dylan and Jax are watching from a nearby hill.

Dylan: Quick, tell me another idea.

Jax: It's about a Russian cosmonaut in the '60s who crash lands near a Renaissance festival, and he gets out of his capsule and sees all these knights and princesses and then thinks he's gone back in time! It's called Cosmonight!

Dylan: Mmm...

Jax: Whoa, why the sudden interest? I thought you hated my ideas!

Dylan: I do. I do hate them. But we need to look like we're talking for a few seconds. The Reds and Blues need to trace that message and we need them to allow us to go with them. I'd rather negotiate that deal on our terms. So, let them come to us.

Jax: Smart. How about another one?

Dylan: No. No more. That last one is still lodged in my brain like a stupidity bullet. Why don't you go ahead and check on the Red Team? I'm curious about their take on all this.

Jax: (sighing) Okay...

He leaves.

We see Grif  walking into a cave. As he talks, JAX walks by and notices him.

Grif: (muttering) Stupid freakin' dead Church. Every time. Nobody stays dead. Why doesn't anybody die and stay dead?

Jax: Oh, cool! Foreshadowing.

He runs off.

Sarge is rallying his troops: Donut, Simmons, Ash, Xi, who's on Ash's shoulder, and Lopez.

"Atteeeen-hut! Men! A.I.! Robots! Donut." Sarge starts. 

Sarge continues. "Our long and terrible nightmare of peace has finally come to an end! To the East, storm clouds gather. To the West, the dogs of war are a-howling! AROOO—everybody, come on! AROOO!"

"Aroo..." Simmons howls reluctantly.

"Arooo?" Xi questions.

Ash just laughs like the insane person he is.

"Awooga!" Donut says.

Lopez: Arriba.

Sarge: Come on, just do it like a dog. Howl.

The Reds: (reluctant and bored howling)

Donut: (literally barking)

JAX appears in the foreground, watching.

Sarge: Draw it out more. Not barking. Put your kibbels in bits in it! Donut, quit wagging your tail!

The Reds: Awoooo!

Sarge: Our enemy is nigh! We must stand and fight! Our lives and our very livelihoods are at stake! We must fight back against these Whites!

Simmons: Whoa-ho-ho!

Sarge: I knew the day might come when the White Team once again reins its plaintive face at our war-friendly valley! They've done it before. The meta. Agent Wyoming. And now the Whites are back to take it all!

"Erm, Sarge?" Simmons questions. "You're bordering on really offensive territory."

"Borders?" Sarge asks. "Hah! Whites don't care about borders."

Xi looks to Ash. "What are we even talking about?"

Ash shrugs his shoulders.

Sarge continues. "They go where they want, take what they want and leave nothing in their wake but indie rock and smoothie shops! Blargh!"

"But, Sarge!" Donut says. "I'm reddish white!"

"That's why you're our ace-in-the-hole, Donut! You are the only one who can walk between worlds. You'll be our White spy!"

Lopez: Tumblr va a odiar esto. [Tumblr is going to hate this.]

Sarge continues. "You must act White, Donut! Ski, take up golf! Spend way too much time trimming your lawn."

"I'm one step ahead of you already!" Donut states.

"Don't forget to pop your collar!"

"Sarge, I'm not sure." Simmons says. "As your second-in-command, I have to question the long-term strategy of this particular course of action."

"Simmons. I know this sounds crazy!" Sarge says. "But either I'm right, or I'm just an old man who's lost his marbles because he can't adjust to life outside the military chain of command, and continues to have increasingly absurd things to declare war on as a subconscious way of avoiding the sad truth that he no longer really knows who he is!"

Beat.

Sarge: Anyway, where was I? Right! The race war!

Lopez: No es una guerra racial. [It's not a race war.]

"That's a good point, Lopez. Where is Grif?" Sarge asks.

"Not my job to care." Ash says.

"I haven't seen him in a while." Xi says.

"Yeah, I haven't seen him since the meeting." Simmons says.

"I know what's happening." Sarge exclaims. "He's been captured by the Whites! This. Means. War."

Cut to the Blues talking to DYLAN.

Washington: So, in exchange for helping us you want what exactly?

Dylan: Not much. Interviews, access, and the exclusive.

Tucker: I don't buy it. How are you going to trace the message?

Dylan: I won't be. I have an A.I. assistant. He hasn't let me down yet.

Carolina: A.I.? Where the hell did you get it?

Dylan: Those details aren't a part of the deal. It's a trusted source.

Washington: We need to know if we can trust you. Smart A.I. or dumb A.I.?

Dylan: He's dumb. Very dumb.

Washington: I still don't like the idea of civilians tagging along.

Dylan: I reported from the frontlines on the Great War. I can handle myself.

Carolina: And your cameraman?

Dylan: He's—

JAX walks up. A vaguely Vangelis-like track starts playing.

Jax: (like tears in rain) I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. (himself) Blade Runner!

Carolina: ...and I thought we'd already reached peak moron.

SARGE, ASH, and SIMMONS run up.

Sarge: Don't make deals with the Whites! Their blankets are covered in smallpox!

Carolina: ...I stand corrected.

DONUT (somehow) comes skiing in with a tray of frappes, having put on a tie and hipster glasses (over his armor of course). CABOOSE and TUCKER stare at him, confused.

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Donut: Who wants a poisoned pumpkin frappuccino?

Carolina: (muttering) I'm just gonna shut up now.

Sarge: Back off, missy! (aims gun at Dylan) We know you have Grif! Give him back or I start shootin'!

Dylan: (puzzled) I—we—haven't seen him.

Washington: They've been with us the whole time, Sarge. She hasn't touched Grif.

Carolina: We're all on the same team now! Got it?

Sarge: Red, White, and Blue working together? How absolutely un-American!

Tucker: (sighs) Great. Now we've gotta find Grif. We don't have time for this!

Washington: I agree. Let's pack up and prepare to move out. I'm sure he'll turn up.

Simmons: I'll check the pantry.

The Reds and Blues start walking toward the base. DYLAN and JAX stay behind.

Jax: Uh, Ms. Andrews?

Cut to DYLAN and JAX standing outside the cave.

Dylan: You saw him go in?

Jax: Uh-huh! Just like Gollum. He was all muttery and crawly...

Dylan: You stay here. I'll see if I can talk the cat out of the tree.

Jax: You don't want me to film?

Dylan: I doubt he'll talk to me, but I know he won't talk to us. You stay.

DYLAN walks into the cave.

Dylan: Grif?...Grif?

She finds GRIF, crouched in a corner.

Grif: (softly dismissively) Go away.

Dylan: I just wanna talk.

Grif: Well I don't want to talk to you. Or anyone. (stands up) So make like a tree and fuck off.

Dylan: (cautiously) I... see you're upset. Can we... talk about why?

Grif: You, that's why! You show up here, you drop a bomb on us, and then everyone goes springing into action. We are supposed to be done. I don't wanna go on another adventure! I don't wanna listen to Sarge! I don't wanna get shot at! I don't want to shoot at other people! I want to chill! I want to sit and chill!

Dylan: And leave Church to his fate?

Grif: FUCK CHURCH! I spent half my life dealing with his shit! His ex-girlfriends! His daddy issues! His, resurrections! His, Sister! Why can't he just stay dead?

Silence.

Dylan: ...I've spent a lot of time looking at logs. Reading transcripts. Talking to eyewitnesses. They all say the same thing about Grif. He's the lazy one, the one who doesn't care.

Grif: Nailed it.

Music starts playing.

Dylan: Your actions tell a different story. A story of someone who always answers the call. Who always helps his friends and fights for the greater good. I mean, in the Blood Gulch logs! You saved his life! I think is right about you. You care about your friends.

Beat. Has she gotten through to him?

Then the music stops.

Grif: YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT ME, LADY! I HATE SIMMONS! I HATE SARGE! I HATE ASH AND HIS STUPID A.I.! I HATE EVERYBODY! PRINT THAT IN YOUR FUCKIN' PAPER!

Apparently not. He leaves DYLAN behind.

The Reds and Blues are gathered outside their Pelican, docked near a lake, with DYLAN and JAX's ship nearby. WASHINGTON and TUCKER are talking to each other.

Washington: Are you sure you're ready to lead a team again?

Tucker: Dude, look who you're talking to. This is not my first rodeo.

Washington: You've come a long way, but don't get too big a head now.

Tucker: (sarcastic) Yeah, you're right. I just led a bunch of soldiers into battle, saved a planet, and whooped wholesale ass against trained mercenaries and space pirates. NBD.

Washington: (amused) Smartass.

Tucker: Buzzkill.

Washington: Be careful out there.

Tucker: Yeah, yeah, okay Dad.

They turn to address the group.

Washington: We're splitting up! Attacking this situation from both flanks. Carolina and I will be dropping in on a few fellow Freelancer alumni to see what we can learn. The rest of you with the help of the press will locate the source of Church's message. Enough words. Wheels up in 10. And remember—Oh...!

GRIF is approaching.

Washington: ...look who's finally graced us with his presence!

"Where have you BEEN, soldier?!" Sarge asks.

"...Thinking." Grif states.

Tucker scoffs. "Yeah, right!"

"Thinking about food." Simmons says.

Ash snickers and Xi lets out a chuckle. 

"No." Grif states. "Actually, I was thinking that... I quit.

"Quit what?" Simmons asks.

"You. All of you. I quit. I'm not going. I'm staying here."

"What?" Tucker questions. "You can't quit. That's not allowed."

"I can do whatever I want." Grif says. "I'm not in the military anymore. I should've quit years ago."

"What about Church?" Caboose asks.

"Let it go, Caboose, all of you." Grif says. "He's been resurrected more times than Jean Grey. It's getting old."

"Come on, Grif." Xi starts. "It's Church, our friend."

"No, he was your friend." Grif says. "Or brother." He turns to Ash. "Why do you keep her around."

Xi looks hurt.

"What do you mean?" Ash asks.

"Freelancer A.I.'s have been nothing but problems for us. Why keep her around, she'll probably cause another problem."

"She's my friend Grif, she's really helpful." Ash says in anger.

"Yeah, but she's never helped me or any of us." Grif states. "Only you."

Xi looks sad and she disappears. 

"Seriously, dude?" Tucker asks. "You've always been selfish, but this is bullshit."

Beat.

"I don't like you." Grif says to Tucker and he looks to the rest. "ANY of you. But we've all known each other long enough, that you should hear it from me, first. I'm done." He walks away.

Caboose: (stammering) But he can't—he can't do that! Someone do something!

SARGE runs forward.

Sarge: GRIF! Desertion is punishable by death!... So keep going! (growing more forlorn) Desertion means leaving the military, not eating dessert!... Seriously, Grif, turn around.

GRIF keeps walking. As most of the group leaves, SIMMONS stares after him.

Jax: You know, I liked them better when they were funny.

Dylan: Yeah.

The ships start to leave.

Dylan (voiceover): I hope we didn't fuck something up.

GRIF watches from the shoreline as the two ships depart.

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07-29-2022

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