Kanon was but a single day away, the moment was almost upon us. Soon we would come face to face, in a manner of speaking, with the crux of our mission. The journey had been long, and I knew it would be even longer still. A week back to the station, and then nearly a month on but a single train. I still hadn’t quite understood how one train was expected to travel non stop to the ninth circle, though it wasn’t my place to know such things. It was only my place to follow orders. Never to question, only to answer. I am a servant of the church of the most high order, of the Goddess Sakolael herself. So why now do I question all that I know?
For the first time since we left the train station, Seta had elected to ride in the wagon with me. The restlessness I once felt in her presence was lesser, perhaps even gone. I didn’t understand why, but I felt strangely close to her now. She stared at me, or so I imagined, and I stared back. I was, at ease, my body relaxed, my shoulders loose and my mind at ease.
“Tell me, Marionette, when was the last time you saw your familiar?” she asked suddenly.
For a brief moment I felt tension rise again, though her voice was not terse, nor was it judgmental. She asked with a certain earnestness, a kind I had not expected. “It has been a very long time. Four years, if I had to put a date to it.”
“Do you miss her?”
“She is with me always.”
“Silently, and without form, it is no different than sending letters to a loved one. Do you miss her presence? To see her face, to stare into the eyes of your love?” Her question was odd, especially from an Inquisitor.
Tilting my head, I ruminated on her words, choosing my own carefully. “I think that I would like to see her. Though I know that is impure, I must resist my temptation to sin.”
“There is no sin in love.” Seta said plainly, no not plainly. Her words were deliberate, yet full of heart.
“The church forbids this kind of love.” I said without thinking. “It has executed for lesser things.”
“And what are your thoughts on this?” I could not tell if she was testing me, or if she honestly wished to hear my thoughts.
“It is unholy and wrong for a Nun to hold desire towards her...”
“Your thoughts, Marionette, not the church’s,” she cut me off.
I pressed my lips thin, and thought, holding my eyes shut tight. I blinked and then spoke my mind, “I believe that Ban would say, to deny love is to deny the Goddess.”
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“There is a wisdom in him, one that contradicts his aloofness.” She laughed.
“Yes, he is odd, but he understands things in a way I could never.” I caught myself smiling. I thought it would be awful for me if he knew I was praising him, though now I say it plainly.
“The bounty hunter too,” she added, “he may be gruff and unapproachable at first, but I sense there is a gentleness in his eyes. A tough life has worn at his exterior and forced him to put up shields, but he hides a big heart behind them.”
I nodded, “yes, it would seem that way.”
“He is like a stuffed bear, soft on the inside.”
“A what?” I tilted my head. “Do you mean a bear that has eaten a lot?”
She shook her head, “No, like a toy for a child. You know, the kind you cuddle at night?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t know, I never had a toy before.” my response seemed to sadden her, at least her shift in posture alluded as much.
“I’m sorry, I forgot.” She looked to be as uncomfortable as I had previously felt.
“No, you do not have to apologize. They say you can not miss things you never knew.”
“You were a child, yet they made you their weapon.” She said, almost in a whisper, “I am sorry you did not have the childhood you deserved.” We grew quiet. A new sense of unease replaced the old. I pushed it from my mind my whole life, but she was right. At just six years of age I was taken in by the church and raised to be a Warbride Nun. In that time the only constants in my life were the strict discipline of the church, and the gentle words of Rafa as I cried myself to sleep. “I’m sorry I brought that life upon you.” She said, remiss in her voice.
“What do you mean?”
She shook her head, “Nothing, I was just lost in thought is all.” And then she was silent again.
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